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Unread 03-01-2011, 11:04 AM   #1
amb128
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I truly believed like an idiot that replacing my pills with another pill would somehow fix my problem. I lay here in bed, I'm in agony....
I want to hate all of you. But I am to blame, who would believe such an idiotic claim? True, it helps your immediate need. I haven't taken but maybe 2 mg every 3-4 days for at least a month now. The last time was Saturday night I think. I would do so many things different if I would have known. No amount of "tools" in my tool box could have prepared me for this. I think now the lie that I believed in is the worst part. I'm angry,sad,frustrated, alone and I don't want anymore of this Suboxone sh**! I know God will see me through this, as with everything else,but there are moments I forget.....
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Unread 03-01-2011, 12:06 PM   #2
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Alene, I am sorry you are in agony, but what we spoke of were NOT lies! We have said so many times that there is so much more to recovery than just taking a pill. Yet you said:

"I truly believed like an idiot that replacing my pills with another pill would somehow fix my problem."

You were never told that just taking a pill would fix your problem. We just wish it were that easy.

For whatever reason, you are suffering now, and I am sorry about that. But, please do not say you have been lied to. You have had access to all the factual information from this site.

My daughter was a suboxone patient for over 2 years-when she decided one day to just stop at 2 mgs she was not in agony. Taking suboxone does not automatically determine that one will be in agony when they stop. I know first hand plus there are many others on this site who have also spoken of the ease of stopping the medication. So it is possible as it has been done!

I am so, so sorry that you are feeling so poorly but, please understand there were no lies told to you. Best wishes,

nan

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Unread 03-01-2011, 12:55 PM   #3
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Alene,
NOBODY LIED TO YOU! Nobody told you that sub would fix your problems. We told you to fix the things in your life, while in treatment, so when you do taper you won't have all of that on top of the taper to deal with. We go out of our way to say that the medication doesn't fix you that you have to do it. All the medication does is stop cravings and withdrawal, which opens the door and lets you fix what needs fixing.

You are in withdrawal now and its affecting you emotionally. Don't expect, Suboxone, God, AA or anyone else to do the work for you, you have to do it and it will be a hell of lot easier to do while taking sub than it will be fighting cravings and withdrawal. What you need to do is get back into stable treatment and work with a counselor or life coach to fix the things in your life that are making you unhappy, then after you've done that think about tapering.

We know how bad withdrawal makes you feel, so I'm sure nobody here will take offense by your post and we will still be here for you, but you need to get a plan together and stick with it and support is a part of it that you don't want to throw away. You can get through this and find happiness on the other side!

Sub
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Unread 03-01-2011, 01:09 PM   #4
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Alene ,,,,,,,,, It is times like this that I wish this forum was more than merely a message board. You, Angela and I were able to have some really neat chats and to get to know each other. You have battled some things and it breaks my heart to see you suffering now. Unfortunately this form of communication doesn’t permit the type of conversation I would like to have. Please keep this in mind though, if you need to take a step back to regroup and/or re-motivate, its OK to do that and not really forfeit anything. You’re a lovely person and I just hate to see you suffering. I can’t remember, but, if you are able to contact Angela, please do so.

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Unread 03-01-2011, 07:35 PM   #5
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Hi Alene, I'm so sorry to hear you're suffering. If you feel up to it, please think about coming to chat. We're here for you.

Nancy
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Unread 03-01-2011, 07:54 PM   #6
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I swore I wouldn't even come back to look at this stupid site this morning. Also swore I would never,ever take another Suboxone again. Funny,how hours in a day can change everything. I was admittedly very sick this morning,and very angry. My man showed up after leaving work, and took me out of the house. I ranted and raved through hours of withdrawals, never once wanting to use, only wanting the hurt to go away. Like Nan said, I am and always have known someday I would have to "pay the piper" so to speak. We went to the farm and cut firewood in the sunshine, distracting my mind from the torture of this morning. So yeah,y'all are correct I think. Keeping busy seems to help, at least till you run out of stuff to do. After we got done the phone rings and to my surprise it's the only Dr. office in my entire town, or within 30 minutes. I called as Nancy told me to, they returned the call! I have had my share of Dr. problems, I hadn't planned on signing up for more treatment. I told the woman the truth about all of it. This Dr. charges $550 per visit. I've tried to get into her office before with no luck. I told her I just wanted , if anything, to be properly supervised as I got off this medicine. That I really don't want to stay on it, but how terrible it is right now. Probably due to the "self" taper process I thought I could do myself. O-Mike, Nan, you are right. You all have gone above and beyond anything I could have asked to help me. Sometimes it's just not so easy to accept. Either way, she said she would talk to the Dr. and ask her if she would take me as a patient. March 14th she will be beginning my treatment with me. She is charging me only $100 per visit and $50 for drug screens. That is cheaper than any Dr. I ever went to. She also said she will prescribe me the generic pills so that I can afford it. I have no insurance now, so I as always pay the cost. It's unbelievable that I prayed to God to help me and get me through this any way possible. I never would have guessed my answer would be Dr. Sue! Right here in town, so I'm accountable everyday. She even apologized to me for not being able to see me sooner! Pinch me! She told me to do what I have to do till then, she is going out of town. Only not to put myself in a place worse than now.No use stepping back wards after coming so far.
I'm the most blessed human being I know. The only other thing I have to say is I apologize for blaming anyone but myself for my situation. Wayne, I disagree, God can , will, and does take care of me. Otherwise there is logical explanation for me being alive today, seriously. War stories not needed, just a fact. I WILL get through this, I always do. I think we should start a thread for reality based tapering experiences. Blood, guts and all. Maybe I wouldn't have felt so shocked. Thanks as always for being there even when I'm brat. Will update soon.Love you all....
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Unread 03-01-2011, 09:53 PM   #7
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Hi Alene, I'm glad you got out and were able to chop wood and rant with your man.

But I'm very glad you got an appointment with the doctor. She sounds fabulous! This will give you chance to taper off of the medication on your terms, not because you were forced to. It also gives you a chance to do what you said the other day in aprilflower123's thread about getting to those "hardest" parts you said you've "procrastinated" on. I'm really happy that you'll be able to do that without being in withdrawals or having cravings and give yourself a chance to work on that and free yourself from the burden it's put on you. You deserve to be truly happy! Did you get in touch with that woman about the grief counseling? She really sounds like she'll be another good person in your corner.

The two taper threads have both good and bad stories. It's important to have both. Things can be learned from everyone's experiences as they all differ because everyone's journeys are different.

You will get through this is right! Just be careful between now and your appointment, you definitely don't want to step back since you've come this far. Lean on your faith, your girls, BF, and us, ok?

((hugs))

Nancy
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Unread 03-01-2011, 10:01 PM   #8
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Alene,
So verry sorry you are suffering, it makes me hurt for you. I am so glad the new doctor called you back. Maybe that was God's answer for you. It obviously isn't your time now, but with more treatment and time, you will meet your goals. You have progressed so well on your taper with the every few days dosing. Maybe you will get that every few days down to a even smaller dose.

I hope you post and vent or whatever you need.

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Unread 03-01-2011, 10:16 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amb128 View Post

I truly believed like an idiot that replacing my pills with another pill would somehow fix my problem.
If you believed that then yes you are an idiot!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by amb128 View Post
 
I think we should start a thread for reality based tapering experiences.
Alene, I gotta say you are being a brat big time!!!
 
What you really mean is start a thread by people who didn’t take suboxone properly, didn’t have any kind of therapy, didn’t stay with their doctor, had several doctors off and on, blame suboxone for all their problems, don’t take responsibility, bought suboxone off the street and a lot more. True, that is some peoples “reality”.

If a person just takes suboxone everyday and doesn’t change what needs to be changed a person will have a “reality based taper experience” plain and simple.
 
Funny how myself and others had no difficulty. It isn’t a fluke.
 
Does a person want to be like us or to impress themselves with their suffering and remain in active addiction till the day they die?
 
Alene, you know what you need to do.
 
You can be a brat for a little bit but you better not go anywhere. Stick around and keep posting, don’t be such a stranger. We all stick together no matter what. I don’t want anything to happen to you Alene.
 
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Unread 03-01-2011, 10:21 PM   #10
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Alene ,,,,,,,,,, First, please, please ,,,,,, never discount how much you being here and sharing has helped and does help me and many others!

You know we all here take Sub and though the dose amounts might vary or time on the medication, the medication never varies, yet we have experiences ranging from really, really good, to really, really bad. Some where in all of that are the reasons why. I feel those reasons can vary from person to person and sometimes greatly. I also feel the answers and solutions can vary just as much from person to person. I feel the important thing for each of us to do is to not give up and to keep focusing on problem solving, finding the solutions we each need. I so wish I could write down what the best solutions are for you.

I do know this, you are not close minded, you have strong faith and I feel you are capable of finding your answers, as your not one or don’t seem to me to be one to back off or throw in the towel.

So taking that step back, getting with a doctor and as Nancy said, being able to do things on your terms will be a great start. You are a good person, the road has not always been easy, but, you have strong convictions so I know you can do this!

You’re in my best thoughts and prayers!

Mike
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Unread 03-02-2011, 09:00 PM   #11
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Alene,

Please check in.

Just say Hi or something, you don’t have to go into any detail.

You’re not the only one who has ever gone through hell backwards. We understand and we are all here for you.
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Unread 03-03-2011, 01:51 PM   #12
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Hey Alene, that sucks that it sucked. Take this next time on sub to get all the stuff you need taken care of. Face that crap head on and then do the taper gig because you want to, not because you have to. k? I tapered 'cause I wanted to and kept the jump date fluid so I could stay on if I had to. I think that made a hell of a difference. Positive energy to you! -Mary
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Last edited by Mary; 03-03-2011 at 01:52 PM.. Reason: grammar-o as opposed to typo
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Unread 03-03-2011, 07:42 PM   #13
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Hello Alene

I will say a prayer for you. I know how WD feels (in spades) This too shall pass.
I tapered off in August and it was next to nothing. I've kicked 400mg morphine a day in six days so I know Withdrawal. Compared to that the sub WD was like a shotgun blast to being hit with a spitball.

We are all different and react in many varied ways. You will get better I wish I could allay the WD's for you but we sometimes have to suffer for reasons beyound my understanding.

So yes, I may be a little defensive in supporting Sub use but fact is for me it was ablessing with no withdrawal to speak of.

Hang in you will survive

God bless

Glen Da' swan
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Unread 03-03-2011, 08:28 PM   #14
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Damn,
Most here write and relate to "recovery" as if it were some unobtainable mystical
dream that has to dealt with constantly.One might ask them self.Recovering from
what?Drugs? In most cases drugs is merely a symptom a manifestation of a more
serious problem.How profound.Ya right.What I'm stumbling to get at is each of us
has our own demons.Until we deal on some level with those demons no amount of
sub,whether it be 2mg every few days or 32mg per day,will make us feel that we
can deal with life on our own terms.

I know nothing of you Amb128 except you're alone, confused and hurting.Time for
you to ask why..............Lasiter
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Unread 03-06-2011, 10:26 AM   #15
amb128
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Lasiter,
I'm very interested in having this conversation with you. Unfortunately I have to go to church now, but I will try to make time to sit and write you back. It's my birthday so it may be late but please look for a response. To everyone else, I love you all. I'm making it. Thank you for the support.
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Unread 03-06-2011, 11:06 AM   #16
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Hi Alene! Happy Birthday! So glad to hear you are making it!!!! See you later!

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Unread 03-06-2011, 11:11 AM   #17
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Happy Birthday Alene!! I hope you have fabulous day! So good to hear from you.

(((hugs)))

Nancy
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Unread 03-06-2011, 09:50 PM   #18
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Happy Birthday Alene.

Good to hear from you.
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Unread 03-07-2011, 01:55 AM   #19
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Lasiter-Great conversation starter, as this is one of the main parts of this last few years I've been trying to come to terms with. I promise to give this a little more thought and then get back to you....looking forward to the conversation. Hope you are well....

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Unread 03-07-2011, 09:58 AM   #20
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amb128,

Small world. I looked at your bio.My oldest daughter lives on a lake not far from the Nashville Airport.Says she knows exactly where McMinnville is.Shes involved in an art
center in Murphyboro or something like that.Her Mom lives near Music Row in Nashville.
I'm in Nashville at least two times a year.Nice country.

I know how bleak life can seem.Responsibilities become burdens.Dealing with burdens
may lead to thoughts of being selfish when you gaze into your children eyes.It must
start with you. I'm sure you know that.Now believe it.My soapbox seems to be teetering.I'd best get off it.Hope to hear from you soon.............Lasiter
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Unread 03-07-2011, 12:44 PM   #21
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My humble opinion, strengthen your spiritual bond with God. That's what has helped me.

I've been off suboxone for 12 days now and every day things are getting better because my relationship with God is getting better.
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Unread 03-08-2011, 10:41 AM   #22
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Hey-I finally have some time to answer those of you who so thoughtfully replied to my thread. It's hard for me to write a well understood post these days,believe me I've tried! I give credit to this yucky withdrawal crap. I did as my new Dr. said and paid to go see my old primary care Dr. until she returns on the 14th. He said he would help me, only to have his nurse come out 20 minutes later to tell me no. He had called to verify my story with Dr. Sue and changed his mind. Confusing? He found out I told him the truth then left me in withdrawal....her office says they can't make him help me, just do what I can until then. Truth be told, that isn't much. At least in my world it isn't. I am so used to being able to do everything around here. I'm always busy working, cleaning the house, running the girls around....the list goes on forever. Lately taking a shower is a chore. But I know I will get through this and things will get back to normal,whatever that means. I can say I clearly see what Suboxone has done for me. My old habits have changed. I in no way at all desire to be the person I was before. Inside it feels like a war, the battle being won very easily by the "new" habits I've formed. I just can't stand this waiting and being useless! I feel horrible, but then again I don't think anyone ever died from that. Hope this Works, thank you for your words about my relationship with God. That is what is getting me through this right now.
Lasiter, you appear to be a very smart person. Obviously you have done plenty of therapy and self discovery. I can tell by the things that you write, the language you use. I was in a psychiatric hospital for a year and a half as a teenager. Even though I didn't use the things that I was taught then, nor did I believe any of it, I know now what works for me and what doesn't. It's funny how often things from then come into my head and I apply all the therapy and groups to today. Maybe it did me some good, maybe not. I don't want to bother comparing myself to anyone else with the hopes of gaging whether or not I'm "normal"or OK. I just want to live. Living to me is waking up everyday with my two beautiful girls, going to work and everyday I reap the rewards of my efforts. I am truly blessed. never in my life have I ever been so safe,secure or in control of myself. I have always had issues with those things, stemming from my childhood. I know already what the root of my problems came from, I've worked on them. It wasn't until I started the Suboxone that I was able to see my part in things and start to take responsibility for my actions. Everyone here who continues to blame me not working on whatever caused this, they aren't necessarily wrong, they just don't know me. Either because I haven't or don't want not go on and on about my past, present or future. The 3 people left in my life who knew me in active addiction know and see the changes I've made. I know the changes I've made.So maybe there is more work to do? If so fine, I would be a fool to say I thought anyone was ever really done changing and growing. I just think some have more to do than others. I think it's ignorant of some to claim how easy it was for them, therefore blaming an individual for the pain they are experiencing on not doing enough. How can anyone here look in the mirror and live with themselves after writing that to someone, not really knowing who each other are? Baffling to me...but then again I have been one to rush to judgment about others also. I try my best not to most of the time though. It takes constant monitoring of my thoughts and actions to be who I choose to be now. I'm grateful, yet still suffering. I'm angry at Dr.'s, yet have to go to them to get help.....all of this just more lessons in acceptance. I'm not in charge as much as I once thought. I am responsible though, for the good and the bad I bring into my own life. That's enough for now, I have to lay down. I look forward to reading more thoughts from everyone on how this all works. Thanks again for the support.
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Unread 03-08-2011, 08:28 PM   #23
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Bravo.I say again BRAVO.Amb I'm not sure if your clarity of thought is a fleeting
event being triggered by an unknown entity or you possess the ability to turn on
a massive portion of your brain and focus on a specific set of variables for a solution.
Thats the second time today I've been amazed by someone posting.It seems I've become complacent and unaware of peoples abilities who are but a mere keyboard
away.This is great.
I wish I could foster a discussion on these topics.No time.I'll be striving to
accomplish one of my goals.To enlist some of my dear friends to assist in my
"recovery"...............Lasiter
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Unread 03-08-2011, 08:45 PM   #24
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Alene,

It was very interesting to read your journey of withdrawal and I truly wish you the best in recovery. You are correct, every individual is different when it comes to stopping the Sub. I will cross that bridge someday soon and by knowing what I'm up against it will help.

Why others don't have much of a w/d problem is baffling. I wonder what mine will be like. Once I start, I too will post my journey on this board so to assist all others who haven't ventured there yet.

It seems to me that you've come a very long way from the addictive lifestyle you had. And it's my guess that because of the terrible w/d's you're having, you'll stay clean...yes? I admire your courage and strength and hope mine will be there too.

Congrats on taking such a giant step. We all support you!

Tom
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Unread 03-11-2011, 09:17 PM   #25
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Amb,

I suppose most who post here set a boundary.An emotional limit that will not be
encroached upon.I've never been one for limitations.So its time for an observation.
Amb I cant help but wonder if you're slipping into depression.The medical community
screwing with you, friends pointing fingers, answers not forthcoming.Not making
decisions due to fear of making the wrong one.Well,the medical community is going to get much worse before it gets better.Dr.s are far more interested in protecting
their ass than truly helping patients.Most of therm anyway.The friends pointing fingers.Ah,friends.You've given me sound advise on that subject.My dear, the only one you can count on when the marde is hitting the fan is..........A year and a half
with the white coats eh.What fun.Put your finger in a socket,hit yourself in the head
with a flat iron.Do whatever it takes.Life is too damn precious and too damn short
to be going woo is me.I got a new soapbox for this and its broke already.Take the
best of care of yourself.............Lasiter
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Unread 03-12-2011, 12:38 AM   #26
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Lasiter....I did just that, at least for tonight. Will talk to you later. Thank you for coming into my life.
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Unread 03-12-2011, 06:26 AM   #27
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Hi Alene, Monday is FINALLY just around the corner. She sounds like a good, caring doctor, which will be fabulous.

Were you able to talk with that woman you wanted to see about the counseling? It really sounds like she'd be a good fit for you.

Nancy
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Unread 03-12-2011, 10:56 AM   #28
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Before we can do work in the Kiln, we must first put the fire out!

I say this in regards to the "underlying" stuff we must work on to recover. Yes we have a long road to sobriety but it is just that, a journey.

To paraphrase Bill W. "We have a long road ahead of us, it takes years to overcome our handicapp's"

We cannot put the cart before the horse. Well sub in it's way allows for some work on self to be done as we are not overwhelmed by our addiction. Wow is that not a gift? A chance to work on the "underlying stuff" while our disease is arrested?

In effect I'm saying end your drug use/alcohol use then tend to what ails you.

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Unread 03-12-2011, 11:06 AM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbyNormal View Post
...Why others don't have much of a w/d problem is baffling....
It’s really not a mystery at all. Those who eliminate or greatly reduce the causes of post acute withdrawal, have less or none. Knowing what those causes are make it possible to direct attention toward correcting them while in treatment. Those who have no idea what causes the withdrawal symptoms will only correct them with luck, but usually don’t correct them at all and when they stop suppressing them with bupe, symptoms predictably return.

There’s also the subjective factor. What’s mild withdrawal for one person might be terrible withdrawal to someone more sensitive. I've seen people post here “…it was the worst withdrawal of my life, I was worthless at the gym...” that’s a far cry from being curled up in the fetal position on the bathroom floor with severe cramping, diarrhea, and nausea as seen with acute heroin withdrawal.

Unrealistic expectations are another variable in the reported severity of withdrawal. People expecting nothing will report an unfavorable experience with any withdrawal at all. People not expecting to feel more pain after discontinuing a potent painkiller (bupe) may confuse it for withdrawal. The bupe literature might be in part to blame, although it says that withdrawal from bupe alone is “milder” than full agonist opioids (like heroin) this is often misunderstood to mean “mild for me” and then the expectation that follows is the withdrawal will be mild so any symptoms outside of that patient’s expectation of “mild” will be viewed as excessive.

Understanding the causes of withdrawal, both acute and post-acute, applying sufficient effort and time to correct the causes, developing realistic expectations and a reasonable reference for withdrawal symptoms, all make the withdrawal experience anticipated and as comfortable as is reasonably expected.

It’s not a coincidence that the people reporting the least withdrawal understand the above and those reporting the worst experience argue against it or never bothered to learn about it.

Tim
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Unread 03-12-2011, 11:18 AM   #30
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Thanks Tim,

When the time to jump finally arrives for me, my guess is that my w/d won't be so bad. I say that because everytime I went through it on my DOC, it just wasn't as bad as my mind thought it would be. So I will go into it with a positive attitude and see what will be.

The one thing working against me is the years of use I have under my belt. Just about 10. Will that make it worse? Don't know, and no one else can say either. But when the time comes, I too will post my taper and jump experience here so you all can support my effort.

This place has really been a help for me understanding Bup. There is another site I found by following a link some one posted here. Two support forums are better than one.

Now I just hope this jump turns out okay for Alene in the long run. So many of us are watching and holding our breath and hoping for the best.

Tom
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Unread 03-15-2011, 06:49 AM   #31
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Hi Alene, just checking in to see how your appointment went yesterday. Hope everything went well.

(((hugs)))

Nancy
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Unread 03-15-2011, 07:05 AM   #32
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"Wayne, I disagree, God can , will, and does take care of me. "

I just read this post for the first time. Is there another Wayne because if not I must be losing my mind(or what's left of it). I have no recollection of being involved in this discussion and that is not something I would have said in any case. But its no biggie.

I do hope all is well and that you are doing better. I understood totally your need to lash out, especially in the midst of wds.

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Unread 03-15-2011, 06:48 PM   #33
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Wayne-no surprise to me I cannot find where I even came up with that. I apologize....
As for my appointment. I went in, brought my money, was in withdrawal, took the urine test then laid down on the bed in the Dr. office. I woke up to her saying I was a liar, that my urine was clean and she refused to treat me. I asked for her to take it to the lab, or to take another test and she said no. She gave me all but $20 back, (for her broken drug test cup), and sent me on my way with no help. So I'm still sitting here on my pity-pot. I'm the only person I have found that can fail at failing a drug test......I can't even type anymore right now. Please know that I am surrounding myself with only people who love me and know what is going on. Thank you for your support. Wayne, once again I am sorry.
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Unread 03-15-2011, 07:52 PM   #34
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Hi Alene, wow, I'm so sorry to hear that! She sounded like she was so caring from your phone call with her. That is so disappointing.

Have you called Wayne's doctor yet? I'm not sure how close to you that is, but maybe going once a month won't be so bad?
http://www.buprenorphine-doctors.com...r.cfm?id=10341

I'm glad you're surrounding yourself with positive, loving people.

(((hugs)))

Nancy
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Unread 03-16-2011, 06:46 AM   #35
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Amb,

Sorry I'm so ignorant of your situation.I must research things completely instead
of making assumptions.Deplorable what your physician did to you.Unfortunately I
must make this short and to the point.Obligations elsewhere.I know many people
in the Nashville area.The mother of my daughter being one .She knows everybody.
If Nashville is a practical for you I'll make inquiries for you........Lasiter
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Unread 03-16-2011, 09:07 AM   #36
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Lasiter-that would be great. I'm feeling a little defeated, but hopeful something will turn around soon.
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Unread 03-16-2011, 12:28 PM   #37
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If you could go to the Dr I now see, you would not regret it. He is a very good Dr and his staff is top notch. It is quite possible they would be willing to work something out with you due to where you live. That I couldn't say for sure. I know the office mgr very well and have for quite sometime. She is pretty much in charge, the Dr just has the ability to write the scripts. I would be willing to do anything I could on your behalf in the way of talking to them. One thing I do have with them is credibility.

Their prices are reasonable and I am pretty sure they will work with you on that front. In terms of getting the generic Subutex prescribed, that may be difficult. The Dr used to be totally closeminded about that. But that has since changed due to Nancy and the office mgr speaking by phone. The Suboxone rep was feeding them such bullship that he had the Dr and his staff thinking the DEA would be knocking in their door the minute he started giving patients generic Subutex. Nancy served to debunk that myth and now the Dr is more open to writing Subutex. He does give it to me and I believe one or two other persons. That's because we had a history with him that has been one of being stable. The fact you have a history with another Dr may help to serve the same purpose.

Let me know if I can help.

wayne
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Unread 03-16-2011, 06:32 PM   #38
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Amb,

I'm between meetings but Wayne May have your solution.Its a fast track to a
temporary or not so temporary fix.I will pursue however.I need to tickle my
southern bells fancy anyway.I'm sure she'll have something but most likely will
take time.Sounds like you may ahve some insurance problems.True?Just another
hurdle.Its very important for you NOT OT GET TO ANXIOUS.This leads to foolish
decisions.Well sometimes.Its just plain counterproductive.It mat seem bleak right
now.But the end result is soooooooooooooooo worthwhile.Gotta go.....Lasiter
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Unread 03-17-2011, 01:05 PM   #39
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Hi Alene, another option in Nashville is:

Richard Soper
Center for Behavioral Wellness
2830 Bransford Av.
Nashville, TN 37204
615-292-5747

He does a telephone appointment first to talk with you about the program and then go from there. The woman who answered the phone said he discusses cost directly with the patient.

Nancy
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Unread 03-17-2011, 02:40 PM   #40
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Alene,
I am so sorry about your appointment. What happened to the doctor's oath of "do no harm". I wish it would have worked out better, but she doesn't sound like much of a caring compasionate doctor, if you ask me.

As Nancy already mentioned, I am glad you have surrounded yourself with people who love and care about you. Do you have anything lined up at this point, doctor wise? Nance just helped me this past week, when my doctor's office called out of the blue and announced my doctor would no longer be doing suboxone treatment. She sent me some links and made some calls. Have you looked into "tele" behavioral medicine, where you can skype with a doctor? Just a thought.

I hope each day leaves you feeling a little better, I am so sorry that you have to go thru this, most here know the pain of withdrawl.

My prayers are with you,

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Unread 03-17-2011, 07:31 PM   #41
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Alene,

I direly hope you're reading this and haven't hid your head in the sand.Look
what Nancy B. came up with.I feel quite certain it wasn't easy for her.Actually
I think good ole Nancy is really a super computer hidden in someones basement.
I'm on to you Nancy syntax.How do you do it Nancy?Not only do you chair the
sunshine patrol you're a wealth,no, a bottomless pit of information that would
take rest of us countless hours of pondering,searching and head scratching.
My hat goes off to you.Or should I say keyboard.I'm digressing.
Alene its all up to you.Sure it would be easier to find a nice quiet place and
use.Easier for a while.Of course then you'd have to look in the mirror eventually.
But thats what masks are for.I'm sure all of us wear one from time to time.Then
lose track of who we really are.I'm really screwing this post up.I've lost my train
of thought.Alene just know this.....There are people here that truly care about
you and the decision you're about to make.What ever you decide we'll still care.
Now go pick up the phone and take that giant step into your future.
I will continue to seek options for you.I doubt I could do better than Nancy .
Nancy how the hell do you stay sane?I'm eager to hear from both of you.
.................Lasiter
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Unread 03-18-2011, 05:25 AM   #42
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Hey-sorry it's taken me so long to get back with you all. Thank you for your thoughts and concerns. I've worked two 13 hour days, so I'm pretty tired. I will definitely check out the Dr.'s you got for me Wayne and Nancy.Thanks so much for trying to help. Lasiter, please do not be concerned about me using. I just despise posting the truth sometimes because it seems so ugly, in comparison to what this medication has done for my life. I was able to find Suboxone, but not the way I would have liked. At any rate, I'm feeling much better and will be putting one foot in front of the other as far as finding a new Dr. as soon as possible. V, I also said that very same statement the day of my appointment. Either way, I'm trying to keep things in perspective and trust that God has a plan for me. I am so happy spring is beginning to happen here...I am SO ready. I haven't gotten a hold of the counselor I've been hunting, but will go my next day off to her home to deliver hand written mail, or the school where she works. E-mail has yet to pan out, but I won't give up! Just the few days I did go without my medicine and the few I used pain pills to quiet the sickness were enough to keep me motivated. Talk to you all more this weekend I hope, I will finally have some time off.
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Unread 03-18-2011, 07:07 AM   #43
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Hi Alene, those are a couple of long days. Yikes. I'm glad you're feeling better though. Spring will definitely be a nice, long-awaited change. This winter seemed to go on forever.

I have a couple more doctors I want to call today. I just ran out of time yesterday. Hopefully we'll find a GOOD doctor and you get in touch with the counselor. I'll post later what I find with the other doctors.

Lasiter, sometimes google is my best friend. lol

Nancy
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Unread 03-18-2011, 07:44 PM   #44
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Hi Alene, I left messages, but didn't get any call backs. I'll try again on Monday though!

Nancy
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Unread 03-19-2011, 05:23 AM   #45
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You are amazing Nancy...thank you so much! I had another long work day and then one of the worst afternoons. Just when things start to get normal again my fourteen year old daughter pushed me to my limit,(very hard to do!). I ended up calling her father, who she planned on moving in with around July to go to a better school. I had to send her early. It truly broke my heart but at this point I cannot trust her and I am very well known for my tender-heartedness towards my girls. Seems this has turned around and bit me big time! I know at least for now she is where she needs to be. Sometimes I think it is decisions such as these that show the true character of a human being. So very hard for me to put her first. I want to keep her for my own selfish reasons, even though I see the truth everyday lately. My inability to dicipline her and let her be mad at me has been my downfall. She turned on the tears for awhile, I thought my knees would buckle! I know it sounds dramatic, but these two girls are my life. I just pray that I have made the right decision. She will be home every weekend, and when she gets her license even more. It just feels as if she's worlds away. Sometimes I don't see the girl I have raised. I know this will all pass as she grows up, but what lessons I've learned! The gifts of motherhood are plenty, but when it hurts, it really hurts.....
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Unread 03-19-2011, 06:35 AM   #46
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Oh Alene, my heart breaks for you. I know how much you love and only want the best for your girls, that had to be such a difficult decision for you to make, not to have her with you each day. I hope that the time with her father brings your daughter back so you can once again see the girl you raised. You've always put them both first, and it truly looks like you are once again doing that for her, in spite of how much it is hurting you. I hope that the weekends become very precious and special for her because she'll be back home with you and her sister.

I hope you can get some rest this weekend both physically from the long, hard work days, and emotionally from all the pain you've suffered lately.

Nancy
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Unread 03-19-2011, 09:10 AM   #47
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Alene,

It appears you have made good decisions.You've looked at the situation regarding
your children from a number of different perspectives.This is all we can do for the
best of all possible outcomes.Its always hard when it comes to kids.Thats why the
rewards are so great.This is one of those times I wish I was better at spreading
sunshine around.This is one of those times when you're strength in faith is
important.Have faith in yourself that the decisions you've made will have the best
of all outcomes.
Do you like and listen to music? If so what type and who do you listen to?Sometimes
when problems appear to be so overwhelming with no answer in sight listen to
some tunes.At first this thought maybe a little depressing.After all nothing is really
going to help.Listen to some tunes.Music can be somewhat of an escape.Why not
give it a try.And maybe just maybe your soul will respond.And maybe just maybe
you'll feel a little bit better.And maybe just maybe you'll gain the strength to think
ya, those decisions I made will work out.Ya never know you just might start to
smile and feel a whole lot better about yourself with the knowledge you've just
overcome another monumental problem.See you can do it..............Lasiter
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Unread 03-19-2011, 11:07 AM   #48
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I LOVE MUSIC! LOL....What do I listen to? That's so funny to me for some reason this morning. I could never answer the question though, no matter what's going on with me. I love almost every type of music out there. My father had the largest record collection I've ever seen. No matter how many times we moved, or what we lost growing up in an addicts household, he NEVER lost those those records....Needless to say he introduced me to every type under the sun. I didn't appreciate it then, I actually found it annoying! He would be proud of my taste's now if he was alive. I love Paul Simon, CCR, Stevie Nicks, The Beatles, Led Zepplin....I could go on forever! Have you ever heard of George Winston? He's a pianist, and also plays the guitar & harmonica. He is most famous for the piano though. I would say he's my favorite. The December album can be kind of sad for me to listen to, but only because of my old memories. I highly recommend any of his music. Not that you asked, but given the chance I always try to force feed him down anyone who will listen to mes throat, lol. I actually had a chance to see him live a few years ago in Nashville. It was amazing! I cried the entire concert. A really good friend of mine took me, she got the tickets for only $17. I'm guessing because he isn't so mainstream. Plus I am here in country music capitol! Give him a try if you haven't heard of him, I'm guessing you have though. Thank you for the suggestion to help get my mind off of things. I do have a wonderful day planned whenever my little sleeping beauty, (my 9 year old), wakes up. I layed in bed listening to her sleep for the longest this morning. I am so blessed to have them both, even if my oldest is an alien to me right now. I know I am not the only parent that has gone through troubled times with a teenager. I was one heck of one to handle at her age! I cannot imagine what my parents felt as they watched me take off on my own, thinking I knew it all at 12 or 13. How niave and self centered I was, sometimes still am. I think the only thing difference now may be I now know I have plenty to learn and I have faith in God that my life has meaning and purpose. That gives me an attitude of gratitude and forethought, both of which I was very ignorant of many years of my life. If only I could squeeze some of that into Kareena's little head somehow! I suppose patience is the key to most of it. She will get older faster than I want and learn the lessons life has to teach her. I pray I have given her at least some of the tools I gained growing up. She is so smart and beautiful! She takes it for granted, and has no idea how easily she can be influenced by people around her. If ever I needed a lesson in peer pressure and it's dangers I need only to keep watching my 20 year old looking, 14 year old! I could just put her in a closet to keep her safe but then she would still hate me. Can a parent ever really win with a teenager? If she is like me at all I already know the answer.....
Anyhooooo, Bailee has awaken! Time to tackle the day. We are going out to see the horses and go hiking. I will ride Molly,(a beautiful black Tennessee walking horse), for awhile, and her baby Moonshine will follow. I cannot wait until she is ready for riding. Now she just runs around like a crazy kid! Bailee adores Moon though, and we never get bored watching them. Hope you both have a great day, thank you for being there for me.
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Unread 03-19-2011, 04:50 PM   #49
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Alene,

Sounds like you may be feeling better.I'm so very glad.We're all blessed sometimes
we may chose not to recognize it.I'm not a horse lover but I live in horse country.
Quarter horses are big out here.Having access to a Tenn. Walker ain't to shabby.
I'm so glad you have a hobby to escape into.Its important.Besides if we didn't
we'd be worn smooth from all that grinding.

Teenagers.Nothing on this blue marble will try your patients quicker and more
completely than teenagers.I had a real problem with my daughter.I was far more
liberal with her brothers.A point that was constantly brought to my attention.
It also destroyed my relationship with her.Twenty years later and the damage
hasn't been repaired yet.Entirely my fault.You have to do the best you can at
any moment in time.Situations seem to evolve rapidly as do your decisions.Its
not that they come with an instruction manual attached to them.If you can
honestly sat you did the best you could thats all that can be expected.That
by the way is rationalization number 1172 from the famous parenting book
"How To Stay Sane When Your Child Wants To Be A Sword Swallower".

I hope you realize how fortunate you are.Living near Nashville and loving
music.I've never heard of the pianist you referred to.I know a lot of people in
the business.And thats great.That shows you've gone beyond the mainstream
and sought someone that matches your soul perfectly.Go to the "morning thread".
I posted there a rather complex set of instructions when,if followed,will lead to
a countless number of live rock concerts.Keep a smile on your face....Lasiter
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Unread 03-22-2011, 06:58 AM   #50
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Hi Alene, I hope you had a nice, peaceful weekend riding with Bailee. Once again, I got answering machines and no call backs... Not giving up though.

How are you doing?

Nancy
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