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Unread 02-05-2011, 03:56 PM   #1
zapato
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Default suboxone blues

So I have been on suboxone since August and I have slowly seen myself fall into depression, drug use other than my doc(marijuana), and have become a recluse associating with nobody other than my folks and sisters family. I work 40+ hours and where I once was ok with it, maybe liked it a little. I now hate it and feel like if this is it then why bother? My folks left for warmer weather this week and now I am alone and freaked out knowing that I won't see them till the beginning of March. I have been on methadone before and was detoxed cold turkey once,ouch, and with bup once but I guess what I want to say is I am really lonely, angry at work, to tired to do anything that might help me. I have had clean periods where I was very happy and I have had periods where I was very down. I am a 32 year old man that is in ok physical shape(thanks to my job), fully dependant on my folks, still feel broken hearted from a relationship that ended 18 months ago, on a drug that I once prided myself on not needing. I know if I were to go to a meeting and lie I would feel bad about it and if I was honest I would feel like a hypocrite. I don't know who or where to turn to. I want to know if I anyone else has felt similar and if they were able to find a way out of it without going to rehab? I woke up this morning covered in sweat and there is that feeling of doom or hopelessness. I hope this isn't too long it is on my phone and I can't see how long this paragraph is. Oh yeah, I stumbled upon this site while investigating the withdrawal compared to methadone and heroin and have read a lot and am impressed with it.
Thanks,
Marco
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Unread 02-05-2011, 07:07 PM   #2
NancyB
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Hi zapato, welcome. I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well.

What dose of Suboxone are you taking and for how long? Have you ever been treated for depression before? Are you seeing a therapist?

Sorry for all the questions, just want to be able to see if we can better help you.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 02-05-2011, 08:14 PM   #3
zapato
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Honestly no doctor ever got past the walls I put up with but really have been thinking it would probably be good a good idea. I struggle with connection with the one or two therapists I tried. I tried some paxil in the hospital and I was six days into a cold turkey methadone detox that my doctor thought would help and I freaked out. It's a good thing I was already in the psych ward. I thought for sure it made me feel sicker and when I tried zoloft later in life I felt sick a little everyday for one month and quit. Welbutern was only tolerated for like three days it felt like what I imaging a mild case of lead poisoning to feel like. I think that I just use doctors for Rx. One doc I just call and pick up, other talk to like 5 minutes a time? The office visits aren't covered for the suboxone so there's 200 and the co-pay for the pills(30/30). There is a stigma I bear, the suboxone is insurance don't cover1%. I even have a feeling that one day I will pay both 100% with health insurance. Anyways sorry about that I take between 6-8 mg suboxone and 30 mg adderal. I split the eight into four quarters and take throughout the day but usually I don't want or take my fourth quarter. I don't really think that with sublingual it is how much you take but I could be wrong. I am not a doctor but I feel like I am my own. I think I will try a therapist again but not one that can prescribe stuff.
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Unread 02-05-2011, 10:38 PM   #4
erikanh80
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Hi Zapato....

Welcome to AS. You sound like you have a lot going on, and I feel terrible reading that you have so many unresolved feelings & issues.

I was slightly confused w/ your post as to...are you looking to get off of suboxone? You mentioned going to detox again but you didn't want to....and you also mentioned that you would feel like a hypocrite to go to a meeting, so are you also using your drug of choice currently?

If thats the case, that can cause a lot of problems with your physical and emotional wellness....which I am sure you already know. Also are you taking your sub on a daily basis? You said you sometimes skip your 4th dose each day.....its very important that you find a dose that works for you and stick with it. If some days you are taking the 4th dose and other days you are not....then that alone can cause a lot of what you describe....especially the sweating & lethargy, tiredness...I'd suggest really trying to stick with the same dose every single day...I thik most here would agree with that.

It absolutely DOES matter what your dose is...even on the film. It should be taken exactly the same way as you would the suboxone tablets, and just like methadone. One dose....same dose every single day, until you & your physician decide to taper. Sounds like this is whats causing a LOT of your coming & going issues.

Another thought I had, was with everything you do have going on, as well as trying depression meds and them not working.....is there is always a possibility that something else is going on. I think it'd be of benefit to you to see your general physician and have a physical....take your full blood work up, and then check for anything else that could be causing a lot of this. You never know.....and its an easy way of ruling out something, that may be easy to treat.

Just my thoughts and advice.....good luck, keep us posted, and therapy as Nancy said may also be of help to you...ESPECIALLY now that you are feeling lonely since your parents left. It will be good to have someone to talk to I think......could help a lot.

~Erika
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Unread 02-06-2011, 07:06 AM   #5
NancyB
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Hi Zapato, Erika has good advice when she said that you need to stick to the same dose every day. Taking it once a day is optimal because it gets you out of the addictive behavior of dosing all throughout the day. Suboxone has a long halflife - around 37 hours - and fluctuating you dose can cause instability in the blood levels and can cause some people to not feel right.

That said, the best dose of Suboxone is the lowest that stops cravings and withdrawals. You could always see if the 6mg taken every day will achieve that. If it doesn't, then just go back to 8mg. Besides instability of dose, sometimes too high of a dose can cause lethargy and depressive feelings.

For the cost, here's a link that explains the manufacturer's free med program:
http://www.needymeds.org/drug_list.t...&name=Suboxone

This thread has prescription discount cards:
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=12915

This is a link to a $75 discount on the strips:
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=25069

Also shop around for the best price as it varies pharmacy to pharmacy. Lastly, there is a generic Subutex that is pretty inexpensive, you could ask your doctor about that.

Are the office not covered or dose your doctor not take insurance? You can try taking the receipts from the office visits and submitting them on your own directly to the insurance company. They may have the forms online; if not, call and ask to have them sent to you.

I'm glad you're thinking of trying therapy again. When you're looking for one, interview him or her. Just remember that YOU are hiring this person to work with you. Find someone with whom you can be open and honest and just remember, you're not there to make a new friend, you're there to work on you.

Let us know how you're doing.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 02-06-2011, 09:17 AM   #6
zapato
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Thank you both seem so nice. I read many posts yesterday and 1 dose / day would probably help. And I wouldn't have to feel sick 3-4 times only once. Sometimes suboxone goes down ok and sometimes it is pretty nasty. Ok to answer your questions I don't know what I want to do about the suboxone I just know that something isn't right with my body and it is easy for me to blame it on the drug that I am on. I don't want to detox again, we all know how pleasant that is. And my doc is opiates and sometimes I feel like suboxone is the same. I have been smoking marijuana for the last 2 months usually after work when I am bored at home. This is something I am going to try to quit doing because I could lose my job if ever they decided to test me. I started to use the pot out of boredom. I could try to submit the receipts to my insurance company and see if they will pay some of it. That may help because as an addict I don't make a lot of money and would like to one day have good credit. Well thanks again, I am at a coffee shop right now and haven't been in one for a long time. I need to be around people even if I don't know them. One cliche I like from my 12 step days is the only way to raise self esteem is through doing esteemable acts. So no more sitting in my lonely house all weekend long with no human contact.
Later.
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Unread 02-06-2011, 02:46 PM   #7
zapato
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I used to think I was a people person and used to pride myself on having a million friends and today I don't believe its true. What I said above was what I needed to say and this site has given me somewhere to say it without being put down. I hope that I can be helped here and get to a point where I feel comfortable with where I am at and believe those good things I used to believe about myself. I will look into some therapy and try to give myself a break. I went out for coffee this morning to try something I used to do daily but haven't done for years. I usually sit in the kitchen and have breakfast and coffee alone but I am so tired of my company I had to try something different. I am pleased to say that it was nice and I spoke with someone about buying a house and she said she would help if I was serious. Well I wish that financially I was ready but I am not, point of this is that I am the only person who thinks I am worthless and when I spend too much time alone I forget that. Well it felt nice say what I did and find out that I am the one person whose advice or company I should try to avoid right now. Well thanks again and I am off to babysit my niece while my sister and friends watch the super bowl.
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Unread 02-06-2011, 06:22 PM   #8
stp747
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Zapoto, I think you going to a therapist is a great idea. Find one you like and feel like you can trust. It takes some time, but if your open and as honest as you can be with the therapist I think you will do fine. We lose our self-confidence and really don't seem to like ourselves while in active addiction. But, with work and time, we can begin to like ourselves just a little bit more each day while we have our addiction in remission. Getting out also helps. Good Luck, Steve
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