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Unread 05-20-2010, 03:08 AM   #1
Henrys354
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Default Its been awhile, let the detox begin!!!

Good evening all,

Its been quite a long time, but I've still been lurking. The time has come that I need a little support and encouragement, and I knew this was the place to come!

Forgive me for my long post here, but its early in the morning, w/d's are starting, and Im just venting/preoccupying the mind.

Some of you may remember me, but I started on sub a little over two years ago after coming off of huge doses of methadone. I was inducted on 16mgs of sub, and within a few months made it down to .5mgs. I started some cravings, and some other issues were going on so I went back up to between 2 and 3mgs where I have been for the past year.

I am still working crazy hours and schedules as an International Flight Attendant for the US Department of Defense, and due to my work and some really bad sub docs I have decided its time to take the plunge.

I took my last 3mg dose of sub at 4pm on May 18th.... So Im 34 hours in without any sub. I know it seems small in the grand scheme of things, but I have never gone more than 24hrs without sub since starting!

Right now, Im still feeling pretty good... I know I am in no way out of the woods, and I am prepared for what MAY come in regards to wd symptoms, but then again they MAY not!!! But Im not putting my eggs in the basket quite yet! I have very short bouts of anxiety that I am able to talk myself down from, and the RLS is barely noticeable.

In preparation of this, I have a good multi vitamin, Magnesium and Calcium (To help with sleep and RLS), Hylands Restful legs, and a legal script for .5mg xanax tabs (If ABSOLUTELLY needed)... The new doc thats helping me out wrote me a script for 7 just in case. I have another week off work. But the most important thing I have is.... an amazing partner that is truly supportive and willing to help in anyway he can to get me through this! I also have the support of my family, and a hyper active beagle that is just begging to be walked (Enter physical exercise here!)

Life has changed for me for the better, as I have been promoted in my career, was named Chairperson for my airlines Air, Safety, Health, and Security committee, moved out of my former stressful living enviroment, and began a quality relationship where I am cared about to unreal levels!

I have good faith that this is gunna be the time, but I know that the potential for tougher roads are up ahead.... with the w/d and the ongoing recovery. Im actually looking forward to it, and somewhat optimistic. (We will see how I feel tomorrow night... lol)

Thanks in advance for any posts... You guys are truly awesome!

Henry

PS- Since switching to the new board, do you guys still do the chats twice a week like you did long ago? If so, I will see you at the next one!
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Unread 05-20-2010, 05:42 AM   #2
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Henry!! How great to see you! I'm so happy to hear how well you're doing - congrats on the promotion and on a wonderful relationship. You're so deserving of both.

We do have chat 3 nights a week. Tonight, as a matter of fact. Here's the thread - they're on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays 7:30 to 9:30 eastern time.
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=20288

I'm sorry that you've had your string of lousy doctors, but you have the right attitude on the jump. Just stay busy, exercise, keep a positive attitude and I know you'll do fine. I just posted this for someone else the other day. I think it's a great thread by Mary who had a very smooth taper and jump. http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=16077

Keep posting when you can with those crazy hours and I hope to 'see' you in chat one of these nights.

Nancy
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Unread 05-20-2010, 01:40 PM   #3
Henrys354
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Thanks Nancy!

Its great to be back, and I will for sure be in chat tonight!

Right now, Im at 44hrs since my last dose, and to be honest... I still feel alright! Nothing more than feeling "Just a little off" I went to sleep at 3am, and actually slept the night through until 11am without waking once!

Little sneezing fits, and some rls that is barely noticeable.

So far this is going good! But for now, Ive got a beagle that needs walking!

See you guys later tonight!

Henry
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Unread 05-20-2010, 05:57 PM   #4
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Hang in there, Henry. I'm down to my last 2mg chunk and it's my jump off point. I haven't decided whether to take it in the morning or cut it in half, or what. I'm going to have to pray on it tonight after band rehearsal.
I can't make the chat tonight but I'm planning on attending later in the week.
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Unread 05-20-2010, 07:05 PM   #5
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Hey Dave,

You'll make the right decision, for you. Im still hangin in there. W/d symptoms are still uber minor, nothing I could really complain about judging the circumstances. Hopefully I wake up tomorrow morning feeling as good as I did this morning.

No worries about chat tonight, Im still on my off days until Thurs of next week, then I start flying again. With my luck, they will assign me an 18 day International trip leaving Thurs morning... In any sense I'll deal with that when it happens.

Good luck at practice tonight... mind if I ask what you play?

I minored in Music theory... Played Violin, Clarinet, Cello, Bass, sax, and piano all through school.

Catch ya soon!
HS
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Unread 05-20-2010, 07:38 PM   #6
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Music minor, huh? Awesome! I played trumpet all through grade school thru high school, soloed at the Hollywood Bowl in 1969 Battle of Bands. Played the trumpet solo in Blood Sweat & Tears song "Spinning Wheel". Switched over to guitar after high school, I decided I couldn't become a rock star on trumpet. Found out I couldn't become a rock star on guitar either; right now I'm playing bass in a blues power trio and a praise band that is doing a gig this Sunday...that's what we're doing tonight.
Keep us posted, Henry, and remember, I'm about 24 hours behind you as of right now! I'll know tomorrow whether or not to take my last chunk. But I'm leaning toward cutting it in half and taking half of it tomorrow morning.
-Dave
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Unread 05-21-2010, 01:22 PM   #7
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Hi Henry, how's it going today? Check in when you get a minute.

Nancy
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Unread 05-21-2010, 01:50 PM   #8
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It sounds like you have yourself all ready to roll. I wish you the best, I am currently on Day 13 off of Sub. It has its ups and downs, just make sure you keep in mind you are not alone.
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Unread 05-21-2010, 02:40 PM   #9
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Afternoon all!

Just my mid day checkin... Thanks for being so concerned about me and my wd process, Its a great feeling.

Late last night/ this morning has been the worst so far.... The funny thing is, its completely bearable! Granted my symptoms have been the worst since the jump off, but I could honestly say that if I was called to work a flight right now, I totally could!

There were a few times last night that I really wanted my sub, not out of discomfort.... just because. That was super odd for me as I havent had cravings in two years! I was able to quickly talk myself down.

I took my supplements late last night, 1200mgs of calcium, and 400mgs of magnesium, along with 2 tabs of hylands restful legs. I was feeling sleepy so I tried to go to bed... a futal attempt at best. I tossed and turned, and after an hour, Z and I both knew it was no sleep for me! He offered to sleep in the guest room, so we both could rest, but I got up anyway.

I jumped online and posted on a few forums, and around 6am went into the guest room and fell asleep until 11. Not much sleep, but I will take what I can get right now. :-)

Im sort of achy, but havent felt the need to take any motrin, immodium, xanax or ambien at this point. I figure Im beginning to peak right now since its been almost 72 hrs since my last dose... I dont want to predict, but is it possible that this could be as bad as it gets? Maybe a lil worse tomorrow and sunday, but by Monday I would think the worst is over?

In any sense, Im optimistic right now... I even decided I was going to interview for that special contract! Cant hurt right? Besides.... I found out there are some very poshy South Pacific destinations involved. :-P

Will check back in later.... thanks for following!

Henry
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Unread 05-21-2010, 11:31 PM   #10
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Ok, perhaps I spoke too soon....

Tonight has not been too good. The anxiety and aggitation is pretty strong, just cant seem to get comfortable. Strong cravings for the sub, and Im not too happy right now... Is this the peak people speak of?

I took a .5mg xanax 2 hours ago, and no help. Still trying to stay positive, and hope this is the worst.

HS
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Unread 05-22-2010, 06:31 AM   #11
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Hi Henry, how are you doing now? Were you able to sleep at all? Keeping my fingers crossed that's the worst and it'll be getting better from here.

Nancy
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Unread 05-22-2010, 08:48 AM   #12
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Henry, I hope you're doing better.
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Unread 05-22-2010, 09:53 AM   #13
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Hi Henry,

I hope you are feeling better. Reading your thread, it sounds as though most of your physical symptoms should begin to subside in a couple of days. It sounds as though you are preoccupied with whether this is going to get better or worse, but you have to try to get that out of your head and try to get busy with something. Preferably something physical. Exercise will help a lot.

It also sounds as though you do have some comfort meds in motrin, immodium, xanax and ambien. I am not a doctor, so you should confirm anything I say with yours. You may want to do some searches on this site immodium. It is an opiate itself, but doesn't activate the mu receptors in such a way as to feel opiate effects. It should help some with the withdrawal symptoms. Motrin will also help a little, just to take the edge off. Be careful with the Xanax as it is highly addictive itself but in a pinch it should give you some relief. Same issue with Ambien, but it will probably give you about four hours of sleep - this may be valuable sleep, though.

I know you will come through this just fine, but I know you are hurting a bit now, and I'm sorry to hear it.

Hang in there. I hope some of this help.s

-Packrat
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Unread 05-22-2010, 03:56 PM   #14
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Thanks everyone!

Last night wasnt too bad, although it seemed much worse looking back on it this am... funny how these brains of ours work!

I was a little more aggitated, as while I was not in a good place, my guy took my subs (I have about 200 of them) and locked them in his safe. While I know the action was meant with nothing but caring intentions, I just didnt like that he didnt tell me he did it. The only reason I know this is I heard him doing it while I was in the next room. Its somewhat of a relief knowing that I dont have them tempting me, but in the same sense... that whole lack of control thing erked me. You know us damn addicts and our control!

I went for a long walk, soaked in a hot tub after taking the xanax, and was able to fall asleed by 130am.... I actually slept until 945 this morning. I woke up and didnt feel too bad, not great, but not bad.

Just a little restlessness.... still no diarhea, vomiting, or stomach cramps or anything of the such.

Im actually looking forward to going back to work on Thursday... I figure if Im out flying I wont have as much time to think. :-) Those passengers keep me busy! Maybe I'll get some good trip to some island and get to soak up some sun! (Im an International Flight Attendant for those of you who dont know me too well)

Going over to moms with the man tonight for some dinner, and some games or something just to get out.

Cheers to day 4! I just realized this am that this is the longest I have gone without taking any opiate narcotics in over 12 years! Quite a feat! I think I will focus on that!

Check in later....

Henry
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Unread 05-22-2010, 05:39 PM   #15
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Hi Henry, Congratulations on 4 days!! You're doing great and that is a wonderful thing to focus - 4, 5, 6 days, 1 week, 2 weeks, a month and on and on. If your Z's locking up your medication is bothering you, just talk with him about it. Maybe just say something like you understand his concern, but you would have rather he asked or at least told you. Don't let that fester, ok?

Have fun tonight, and I hope it's a better night than last.

Nancy
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Unread 05-23-2010, 03:38 AM   #16
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Just my nightly check in!

Today was good.... not bad at all, I would even venture as far as saying that it has been a relatively comfortable one!

Went and saw mom and have some sushi at a great new place in town, played some cards for a bit, and then Z and I decided to drive home.

It was around 1130pm, and kinda spur of the moment I realized a new video game for wii that I have been wanting was being released on Sunday. Needless to say, before we knew it, we found ourselves standing at the store at 12am waiting for the new game to be released. lol Such a big dork I am! Kinda just a lil gift to myself for coming so far.

Just took my calcium and Magnesium, and think I will be able to sleep with no xanax tonight. Ohhhhh its after midnight! DAY 5!!!

Will check back in tomorrow!

Henry
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Unread 05-23-2010, 06:58 AM   #17
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Great news Henry the Dork! lol

Sounds like a good day, I'm thrilled for you.

I hope you got some sleep and didn't stay up all night with the new video game...

Hoping for a sleep-filled morning report.

Nancy
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Unread 05-24-2010, 12:26 AM   #18
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Hey everyone,

Just my nightly check in since I didnt do one this morning. Yes Nancy is correct that I was up until 6am playing my new game. LOL I tried to go to sleep but to no avail. I took 5mgs of ambien and managed to fall asleep but only to get about two hours.... Wasnt feeling too good when I woke up (Go figure)

Z reccomended that we get out and enjoy the nice day. Soak up some sun and vitamin D. So we went to a local Japanese Garden. It was hot as hell, but really peaceful. I made friends with a goose while there (Long story) Will post a pic when I find a site to link it to.

While walking around I started getting really dizzy, I pushed through and finished the 1hr tour, got back in the car cranked the ac and headed home. When I was almost home, I started feeling like I was gunna pass out, nauseous, heart pounding.... I ran in the house and dry heaved for a few minuted but did not vomit... After about 20mins it all passed, I think it was a mini panic attack.

The rest of the night was taken easy, had some dinner, watched a movie. Im kind of light headed still, so I can only attribute it to a lack of sleep. But my bod will sleep when it needs it.

On a side note, I did get assigned an international flight to work on Thursday morning... Its some pretty brutal 20+ hour work days, but I will evaluate how to go about doing that when it gets closer!

For now, the RLS isnt too bad, I think things might start to get better here real soon. I dont feel great, but I am still staying positive, and more so greatful that this has been as mild as it has been.

See you all tomorrow and thanks for following!

Henry
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Unread 05-24-2010, 06:03 AM   #19
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Hi Henry, I hope you got some sleep last night. Did you try the benedryl like we spoke of in chat?

Keeping my fingers crossed...


Nancy
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Unread 05-24-2010, 09:09 AM   #20
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Ay Ay AY!!! What a ride this is! lol I dont know how I still manage to find it amusing (My way of coping)

One minute I feel great, and like things are subsiding, and the next Im kicking and tryin to get the worms outta the legs! I understand that this is the way its gotta be for a bit, but damn this is exhausting! LOL

Nancy, I did not try the benadryl that we talked about in chat (Remember the stubborn part too? lol) I didnt try it as I remember the reason why I stopped taking it the last time I took it, if I remember correctly, it made my RLS worse! I did however, as difficult as it was manage to go to sleep with no ambien or xanax. I decided to give melatonin a try, I only took 5mgs and it made me kinda drowsy but still took a loooooong time to fall asleep.

Im not really sure what time I fell asleep, I think it was around 3-4am, I slept until 8. LOL.

We will see how today goes, and I might try the benadryl tonight!

Henry
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Unread 05-24-2010, 10:34 AM   #21
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Keep up the good work, Henry. This is beginning day 2, or three, for me. I took my last 1mg on Saturday.
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Unread 05-24-2010, 11:19 AM   #22
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Oh Henry!, lol-

I sympathize with the back and forth, it is so annoying at times but one day it will all subside. The way I see it people like you and I have more of a reason than just ourselves to keep fighting. We have an entire group of people pulling for us, waiting to hear that it is possible to reach the other side. When I feel like it is too much to bare, I just close my eyes and think about all the people who need me to succeed, the people that sit in fear just needing to feel a shred of hope. If I can help just one of them by going through this process, it is so worth it!
I wish you the best- keep fighting, one day it will all fall to the wayside.
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Unread 05-24-2010, 11:26 AM   #23
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Thanks Dave and Hairgirl.....

Its funny... cause this really hasnt been all too bad relatively speaking. I mean compared with coming off my DOC. Hell, I was sicker than this on a regular basis when I was in the methadone system, so I dont understand why my addict brain tells me this is so aweful.

Im not giving in now, after 6 days there is no way, as it has to start getting better soon. Now if I could just get rid of this heavy feeling in my chest (Literally) and the dizziness I would be all good.

In any sense, I like what you said about your motivation.... its a great way to look at it and it has helped me just reading your posts and talking with you last night... knowing that there is an end to this, as slowly ending as it may seem to be.

HS
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Unread 05-24-2010, 11:40 AM   #24
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Hi Henry, if you don't want to try the benedryl, which I don't blame you if it will make your RLS worse, then how about this? From:
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=24428

Quote:
Originally Posted by stina1979 View Post
LIttleB! I too was prescribed it by my suboxone doctor for sleep. It has sleep and anti-anxiety properties in it. it was only 50mgs that I was taking but it would knock me out to the point that I wasn't hearing my lil boy in the middle of the night or my alarm in the morning. I'm blown away about the body pains as I had these horrible body pains as well, however I atributed to my body adjusting to the sub or a long hilly bikie ride that my boys and I took in the metroparks. I WOULD HAVE NEVER attributed that to the trazadone. Very intersting, and am wondering if that was it now. I will say that I stopped taking it and took tylenol PM for one night and then ended up picking up an all natural sleep pill from Walgreens. It's called Sleep Right (i think) and it's basically just melatonin, chamomile and valerian root. I take two and it knocks me right out, and I wake up refreshed! I would stay away from the trazadone and if you needed it for the anxiety properties, I would have the doc prescribe something else. I'm personally on 40mg of prozac and it's been wonderful for me for several years now. You might be apprehensive about the herbal route for sleeping, as was I, but it really works. Best of luck sweetie! Kristina
I'm glad you're not giving in after 6 days! You've come much too far and you're doing great. Try to get out and exercise - get those endorphins going.



Nancy
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Unread 05-24-2010, 01:03 PM   #25
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Thanks Nancy,

Today everything seems like a struggle... Hell, It took me 10 minutes to get a huge basket of laundry from the second to the first floor. Im sitting in my living room staring at that damn 1,000lb basket dreading the rest of the journey I must take it on to the basement, BUT I WILL NOT Succumb to the almighty laundry gods! :-P

Its seems like stupid humour is one of the few things keeping me going right now. But in all seriousness, Im gunna throw a load of laundry in, take my uniform to the dry cleaners, run to target to pick up a few things for my trip, and get some chamomille and green tea (I hear the green tea is a great antioxidant) Then I need to run over to verizon to check a few things with my cell phone (FYI, Verizon has now instituted Skype mobile that runs off the 3g network!!! Wherever I am in the world I can use my cell to call any skype # in the world for free, only my data charges apply, but I have unlimited intl data soooo...woot woot) It sounds like a lot to do in this miserable heat, but Ive got my bottle of sugar free crystal light, and some light clothes on.... maybe some sweating will do some good!

I'll be back later!

HS
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Unread 05-25-2010, 09:34 AM   #26
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Hey Henry, how did your night go? Did that 1,000 lb basket get any lighter? At least that's some form of exercise, right? lol

I hope you were able to sleep last night. That, I bet will make all the difference in the world to you.

Waiting for your next update. Hope you're still sleeping...

Nancy
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Unread 05-25-2010, 02:49 PM   #27
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Well, last night was..... not good to say the least. Well, last evening anyhow.

I went out and ran my errands, picked up some decaff green tea (Havent had coffee in two days! Take that nancy!!!) :-)

I got home and just got bombarded with a horrible feeling of emptiness.... My chest felt heavy, and I could recognize the feeling of panic setting in. I immediatelly got on the phone with a good friend to get my mind off things for awhile. It worked albeit temporarily. At about 630pm I took a .5mg xanax. They are legally prescribed for daily use, but I very rarely take them. Maybe once or twice a month, and never more than one .5mg pill. I hate the way they make me feel. But last night it helped.

I ate dinner, and Z and I went for a long walk. I got the dizzy spells but pushed through it.

A lot of my anxiety is coming from this upcoming flight that I am scheduled for. I am just terrified, but I know that I have to learn to live life on lifes terms without medication (Someone has been reading their NA book havent they???) I want to call in for the flight, I have the sick time, but my gut tells me that sitting around the house isnt going to help me. Plus, if I can get through a longhaul flight to Europe and back in 3 days, I think that will boost my self esteem as I know that I am strong and can do what it takes.... because this is that important to me.

Around 12am, I took my calcium, magnesium, melatonin, and valerian and soaked in a hot tub with just candle light (To help encourage the melatonin) By 1230am I was in bed, and asleep shortly there after. I slept the night through until about 630am! Wow, 6 hours... thats the most I have gotten since this whole ordeal started!

Woke up this morning with the kicking BS going on, once I got up I felt better. Went out on the deck and had some green tea with breakfast. And a protein shake.

I feel better today, physically, but emotionally not so good. I figured this would catch on sooner or later. The dizziness has subsided, but I have a low grade headache... I have been pumping myself with sugar free and non caffenated fluids.

I have an appt with a GP doc tomorrow at 10am. Just to get checked out, and make sure im ok to fly. My BP has been a little high, and my heart rate has been at 105 resting. Z and I did the COWS last night, I came up with 22, he gave me a 26.... so its apparant Im still in physical wd. I wonder if low dose clonidine would help at this point in the game? Suggestions on that?

Heres to a good riddence of day 7, and the welcoming of day 8 tomorrow with open arms.

Henry
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Unread 05-26-2010, 10:34 AM   #28
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Keep up the good work, Henry...it's just a matter of time. You can do this.
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Unread 05-26-2010, 02:10 PM   #29
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Wow! You are such an inspiration to me!! I am getting off of the Sub on June 18th will be my last day. I have 11 days off of work and I have to do it this time. This is the last of my vacation time for the year and I cannot afford the sub anymore (my insurance doesn't cover it) I am trying to get down to .5mg for a few days before I jump off.

I am so proud of you!! I tried to get off in Januaray but made it 5 days and got back on it. I WONT DO THAT THIS TIME! You have given me so much hope and inspiration. (I also do the NA/AA thing) I have been on the sub for about 8 months after a relapse and it is time to be done, and with your story and updates I am ready for sure.

Please keep them updates coming, I think you are leaving tomorrow though.

Take care!
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Unread 05-26-2010, 09:01 PM   #30
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You are very much an inspiration! I am pulling for you so I can see that it can be done! Sounds like you are goings to do it! Keep us posted!!
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Unread 05-26-2010, 11:52 PM   #31
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Thanks for the super kind words guys! Knowing that I can help others not fear jumping off really makes a difference!

This morning wasnt so good, as I only got 1hr of sleep last night. RLS was the absolute pits! I was somewhat nauseated, but still have only vomited once since I jumped off.

I went and met my BFs best friend for the first time tonight. Hes a pilot and flew into chicago, so we met up for dinner. Since I have a flight to St. Louis in the AM, Z and I decided to get a hotel room by the airport instead of driving the two hours home and back tomorrow. I will layover in St. louis for 20hrs, and then Friday morning its off to Europe!

Im feeling pretty damn good right now. RLS is minimal at best, and has turned into a burning and cramping rather than the creepy crawlies.... and I welcome it whole heartedly!

Im going to soak in a hot tub and get some sleep before my flight tomorrow. I hope I feel this good tomorrow too!

Thanks for following, and remember.... this can all be your too when you are ready!

All the best,
HEnry
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Unread 05-27-2010, 06:28 AM   #32
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Hi Henry, hope dinner was good and you got some good sleep last night. Have a good dinner with your relatives tonight!

Glad you were feeling better. Will await your next update.

Nancy
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Unread 05-27-2010, 09:17 AM   #33
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Hey Henry,
Stay at the Crown Plaza in St. Louis. I used to fly into St. Louis all the time for my old job and they've got one of the best hot tubs in town. Have a great trip.
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Unread 05-27-2010, 12:59 PM   #34
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Hi Again!

I think you are just amazing! You are going to work, flying no less, 6 days after you last dose. You have really, really give me some hope. I have been on it for about 9 months, but have taken 3-4 One week breaks every few months. (Don't know if that will even help in the end but who knows) I have been here once before so I know I can do it!

Please keep us posted!! Keep up the amazing Job, you are an amazing person!

Have a safe trip!
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Unread 05-28-2010, 12:06 AM   #35
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The end of Day 9..... Day 10, BRING IT ON!!!!

Well guys, day 9 is over, and I am happy to say I am over that proverbial hump! I know that I will still have a few bad days here and there, but overall I have felt good today!

Me and the Z got up early this am 0530, and had breakfast together at our hotel before he took me to the airport to catch my flight to St. Louis.

I got about 6 hours of off and on sleep, not the greatest of quality, but it will do just fine. :-) The RLS is no longer steady through the day, it comes and goes... mostly at night, but its super bearable. I can actually lay still for more than 10 minutes at a time!

I was nervous about my flight even though I was a passenger only, but it was so liberating to leave my hotel room and not have to check to make sure the subs were in my bag 5 times before leaving!

Got to my hotel in STL, and managed a 2hr nap of off and on sleep...more like light rest.

Had a few bouts of nausea that came and gone within 20 seconds, no biggie there. Had a great dinner with family down here.

Its now 11pm and Im getting ready to get some sleep. I have a pickup tomorrow morning for my loooooong flight across the pond. Im nervous, but excited!

Funny thing happened to me not 5 mins ago. I was all nervous and thinking about the flight, and how long it was going to be and how tired I would become. I was taking my nightly vitamins, and in my pill case under some sinus meds, I caught a glimmer of a little orange octagon. Yep you guessed it... a 2mg sub tablet. I literally backed away like it was some weird bug! LOL, and before I could let my addict brain take over, I was tossing it in the toilet of my hotel room! I stared at it, and thought.... Holy Sh**!!!! Im here and alone in a hotel, and no one would have known if I took it... I would have gotten good sound sleep.... but no, I got rid of it!

It was all I needed to give me the added strength for my flight tomorrow. If I can flush the only sub I have on me without thinking twice, I sure as hell can work a long flight!

*Smiles*

With that, I am off to sleep! If I am up early enough I will post before heading to the airport, at the very least I will update when I make it to Germany.

Again, thanks to all you guys following.... you really are an inspiration to me as well!

Much love,
Henry
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Unread 05-28-2010, 01:44 AM   #36
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I am so happy for you!! I cant wait to see how you are doing 20 days from now!!! keep us posted!! I am pulling for ya!
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Unread 05-28-2010, 06:28 AM   #37
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Good job Henry in flushing that weird orange bug! Love it! I hope you slept well and look forward to your report from Germany.

Nancy
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Unread 05-28-2010, 09:57 AM   #38
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Henry.....Congratulations on your adventure.........LOL. It was very informative for me to read what you've been going through. I started sub about a month ago and am already anxious about the w/d's. I don't know when I will attempt the jump off but I know it'll be a while. I found your posts very interesting and helpful. Your are awesome....flushing the orange bug is amazing, you are an inspiration to me. You should be so proud of yourself. Your doing great. Keep up the good work. I look forward to hearing from you when you reach Germany.
``LuLu

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Unread 05-28-2010, 06:25 PM   #39
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Holy shit! Two in a row, first hairgirl and now Henry's turned that corner. Celebration time! Very, very cool Henry. Love your twisted sense of humor too. Big positive energy beams for a good flight. YOU ROCK right along with hairgirl! -Mary
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Unread 05-29-2010, 07:33 AM   #40
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Well guys....

All I can say is Ich machte es nach Deutschland! Wie sind alle von Ihnen? :-)

Yes, I made it safe and sound to Germany! It was brutal, and at times with the fatigue felt like a real death march! But I trucked through it, and after working for 22 hours with no rest in between, I am safe and sound in my hotel room.

Im going to catch a quick nap. My stomach is a little crampy, but that can be from all the garbage airline food I have eaten. But other than that... I feel great! Tired, but great!

Turns out, I am not going home tomorrow... I will be overseas at least through the third, possibly the 12th. This is good... very good news.

Its 130pm here, and I have another trip tomorrow morning early to Mongolia and back. I have turned this into quite the personal challenge!

@lulu, dont fear the sub wd's... I never would have thought Id be able to fly on my 10th day off sub! Its tough, but totally manageable!

I will check back later with you guys tonight!

Henry :-)
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Unread 05-29-2010, 02:41 PM   #41
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Hey Henry, Ich bin froh, dass du es geschafft. Mir geht's gut, und dir?

Excellent job pushing through that long shift! I hope you can sleep and that helps you to feel better.

Where else will you be going?

Nancy
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Unread 05-31-2010, 07:04 AM   #42
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Ok, I feel like Ive been out working the fields for the last three days! lololol

When I first got into Germany, I actually was able to take a 4hr nap with no xanax, ambien, melatonin, or anything. Not bad considering the whole wd and jetlag thing going on!

I woke up, had dinner, talked with Z for awhile, and then tried to go to sleep as I had a 0600 pickup and it was already pushing 9. Needless to say, sleep was a futile attempt. I think I got maybe 1.5hrs. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

In any sense, I got up at 0400 with my alarm and felt miserable. I layed in bed, and psyched myself up and literally said while speaking to the PAWS "Ohhhhhh nooooo, you F'er! You are NOT going to get away with this garbage today!" And with that I jumped out of bed, ran to a hot hot shower, and tried to wash that paws down the drain. Headed down for some breakfast and then it was off to Mongolia!

This flight was even more brutal than the last... My legs were cramping something aweful. Upped my ptassium, and that helped. I was crabby, and exhausted.... but I made it through another 22hr work day.

Got back to my room at my "Home away from home" in Germany, and found that I had "Changes to my schedule" lol Go figure.

Nothing too exciting, I get the privilege of repeating the trip I just did to Mongolia and back three times, sit on call for a few days, and then commercial airline back as a passenger on the 7th. Fun fun fun!

I was sooo exhausted last night! I got bach here, called Z, and had a glass of wine. Soaked in a hot bath, and was asleep at 415am.... I woke up at 1130 :-D Of course I woke up with the kicking leg BS, but hey I slept a long time!

Im off all day today, and back to Mongo tomorrow afternoon.

I feeling about 90%, but with just a few lingering symptoms. A stomach cramp here and there, weird leg feelings, and of course sleep is still a relative issue. So far though, no real depression or necessary lack of motivation. Which is great. So here I sit, on Day 13!!!!!! I sooooo cant wait until tomorrow and I can say its day 14! Then again, I am 7hrs ahead of home time so I get to cheat and say it early! :-P

Hang in there everyone that is tapering or jumping off.... its a real challenege, but the outcome can be sooooo rewarding.

Now with that, Im off to the Paunsdorf Center for some lunch. :-) Check back in later!

Henry
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Unread 05-31-2010, 07:21 AM   #43
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Hi Henry, yikes! I'm sorry you didn't sleep very well at all before your flight. But you DID IT!! And you got a nice sleep yesterday/this morning, aw heck, I'll just say earlier. lol

90% is good. And you're doing fabulously pushing through that seemingly unending work day - 22 hours? Yikes! Have a good lunch, walk around some and get those endorphins going.

Will look for you later!

Nancy
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Unread 05-31-2010, 07:58 AM   #44
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Henry, congrats on kicking butt! I can totally relate to the pill in the toilet thing. You're doing great, and we're proud of you!
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Unread 05-31-2010, 11:17 PM   #45
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Henry, you are such an inspiration to us all. You are ging to do GREAT!! Keep us posted!!!
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Unread 06-01-2010, 02:37 AM   #46
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Hey everyone!

Thanks for the kind words and wishes!

Today is going to be a good day! Why??? Because today makes it my official 2 weeks off of sub! *Fist pump* :-P

It has been quite a ride, and in some ways still is, but the marked prgress is motivation in itself! I can not stress the importance of attitude during this process, keeping busy, and staying positive... even if its "At least I was able to get out of bed today"

Another thing... as aweful as it feels, going back to work was one of the best things I did. My flights have been brutal, prob the most difficult thing out of all during this process, but the fact that I know I can push through it, makes it seem as I can move mountains!

So at day 14, things are good. There are still some lingering symptoms, which is to be expected. The RLS only comes in the morning when I wake up and dissipates once Im out of bed... Havent taken the RLS meds in a few days. I am getting some moderate cramping in my calves, but nothing too bad. Stomach issues still prevail, thank god for immodium. Airplane lavatories are not places Id prefer to spend a lot of time in. Sneezing fits now and then with the teary eyes, and of course the insomnia. That one is the most severe out of everything. But I have read repeatedly that sleep is the last thing to return.

Ive been working like a dog, hence me not posting as often. Im off to Mongolia and back again today. 19hrs of duty, and then 12hrs off. 12 hrs from the time we arrive back here until the time I report back to work, and then back to Mongolia again tomorrow. Fun fun fun! :-)

My mindset is good and still going strong, no real depression, no real sick feeling, just a little uncomfortable at times. I really think with the next week most of these symptoms will be 99% faded, and this will all be but a very vivid memory!

If I can do this, anyone can! It really does feel good to say that I am Narcotic free for 14 days today! :-) Thanks for sticking by me through this all!

Henry
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Unread 06-01-2010, 06:43 AM   #47
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Woo hoo Henry! Two weeks! Congratulations! I'm thrilled to hear that it's all getting better. I'm really glad you chose to go to work too. That's keeping you busy, but more importantly, you've gotten that 'first' out of the way as we spoke of in chat one night. And that was a big 'first' for you - travelling without having to take meds and completely off of Suboxone!

You're doing great, you're very inspirational. I'm so happy you came back so we could go through this phase with you.

Nancy
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Unread 06-02-2010, 08:33 AM   #48
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Here we go with Day 15.... :-)

Im absolutelly exhausted, but I think a lot of that comes from my company encouraging slave labor. Did an 18hr 25 minute duty day, got into germany at 0630 this am. Here it is 230pm the same day, and I have to be downstairs in 20 minutes to work the exact trip I did yesterday/this morning. GRRRRRRRRRR

The sleep thing is still super obnoxious, but I can tolerate that.

However, a few days ago, I when the RLS went away, I started getting extreme cramping in my calves and ankles. Its very uncomfortable. Im not sure why this would start so late in this process.

Im still taking my vitamins, and been eating bananas and oranges for potassium, but I need to be careful as I have a heart condition and once landed in the ER cause I ate so many bananas that is screwed with my heart rhythm. Its always somethin isnt it? LOL

High dose motrin doesnt touch the cramping, only hot baths... and when you are on an airplane, well.... :-P

This does certainly drag on for a long time, but I guess Im out and working so it cant be that bad. Im sure I will look back on this and laugh... Things always seem so much worse than they are at the time. :-)

Forcing myself to stay optimistic, and racking up those days. :-)

Off to the airport! And then I actually get 48hrs off when I finish this flight! Wooo Hoooo!

Henry. :-)
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Unread 06-02-2010, 11:42 AM   #49
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Hey Henry, wow, slave labor is right! I hope you'll be able to sleep some when you get your big 48 hours off!

You're really an inspiration working those long, long hours and pushing through this. Great job Henry!!!

Nancy
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Unread 06-02-2010, 11:47 AM   #50
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Congratulations Henry! You are toughing through it! Keeping busy, as hard as it is, is the best thing you can do, any distraction from the symptoms helps. It should start getting easier from on out. Great job and inspiration to others!
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