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Unread 03-06-2013, 06:35 PM   #351
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Tryn,

I am glad your friend is coming around. That's great news. Tryn normal people don't feel the urge to drink every day. Alcohol really is poison to us. Take the days as they come but keep your vision of your new future at the forefront of your mind. Some days will be harder than others. Put in the time, do the work, and stay focused on what's important, sobriety. Reach out when you need to. As R Lee has mentioned in the past, "we musn't be a secret".

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Unread 03-07-2013, 03:10 PM   #352
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Tryn,

How are you feeling today? Thinking back I was feeling pretty tired also. The emotions, looking inside myself, wore me down. Rest as you need to, eat healthy, and try to get a little excercise, walking etc. It all helps.

Take care,
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Unread 03-07-2013, 03:52 PM   #353
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Hello everyone, Saint, big hug to you.

I was going to say "it is not lost on me that you are also staying sober day by day too", but i have been selfish. Saint, R Lee, Carly, jenm, Frankie, oh gosh so may of you, thank you, for being here for me. I am not a selfish fellow, but i have been self indulgent. It was the only way i could find a way through. I am still getting there.

God i'm exhausted. Not drinking finds me soooo tired.

I am doing "so well". I am sober, (GGGRRRRRRR), and losing my temper too quickly. My flat is really taking shape. Today i got a fridge freezer, a telly, ooo, all sorts of bits and bobs. I sat on my new sofa this afternoon, and yes i did, i thanked "whatever is out there" that i was sober. I looked at what i had achieved and "gave back" what i would not have got had i been drinking. Guess what i was left with?....

Yup.

I don't like "hurt". It's like a rash. It appears where and when it wants. I never have actually seen "hurting" as something that hurts. How weird is that? (I just found out hurt....hurts.)

Talking of hurt, Saint i am walking 10 miles a day. Yup. I want to die trying.

I need to get to a meeting.

R Lee, Saint, Carly, oh all of you, if my strength in weakness means anything, it's outside your door. Go take a look.

An emotional Tryn.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-07-2013, 04:48 PM   #354
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Tryn,

I will tell you this is the time to be self indulgent. Pour your time and energy into yourself. Early sobriety is a critical time. There is so much going on mentally and physically, ie the physical addiction, mental addiction, etc. Your body and mind will find ways to convince you to drink. I was watching the Denzel Washington movie 'Flight' last night. He was an alcoholic in the movie. There were several powerful scenes in the movie that showed exactly what an alcoholic goes through trying to quit. I totally identified with the character. There was one point where he's drinking straight from a 1/2 gallon jug of Vodka. Strongly reminded me of myself at one time..... sick behavior but while actively drinking the alcoholic does not see the behavior as such. In the morning we may be remorseful but my nightfall the behavior would repeat. Insanity!!

Glad to hear you are walking, attending meetings. Keep working Tryn, you're worth it!

Stay safe,
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Unread 03-07-2013, 06:23 PM   #355
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Tryn, Things will get so much better if you think that 1st drink through & use your support group.
Keep up the good fight takeing it 1 day at a time.
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Unread 03-09-2013, 10:15 AM   #356
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Hello everyone. Saint, R Lee so many hugs to you both.

Just waiting for a Taxi and back over to my place for a few days. I have got a new meeting to go to tomorrow night and i am looking forward to it. I just wanted you all to know that i am fighting "the good fight", sober, lucky and looking for consistency, and sustainability.

I just wanted to pop in and hug you all.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-09-2013, 01:32 PM   #357
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Tryn,
Glad things are going well for you today. Alcohol is poison to us Tryn. The addictive mind will try to convince us to use. Think through that first drink, reach out to your supports when you need to.
Take care,
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Unread 03-09-2013, 03:01 PM   #358
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Tryn, Hugs to you. Keep doing what you are doing.
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Unread 03-10-2013, 11:33 PM   #359
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Tryn,

How's the weather on the other side of the pond?


Saint

p.s.
just really want to know how you're doing : ) . Don't really care about the weather....
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Unread 03-11-2013, 12:52 PM   #360
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Hello everyone. Saint, R Lee big hugs to you.

The weather Saint? It is bitterly, bitterly cold. If it carries on like this for much longer i will be able to walk across the pond to see you!!!!! The wind is coming from the East and seems to delight in cutting the population to shreds as they go about their business! Goodness me it is cold!!! I am convinced now that i have found dry time i feel the cold more! If that is the case, so be it! (So much for an earlier post where i wished everybody a happy spring!!, Good Lord i was premature!)

Yes Tryn is still dry. I am extremely busy at the moment with my "transition" into a new home. It has daily ups and downs, and for sure it has been a struggle, but i am getting there, and i am proud in the way that i have gone about my business in the last 7-10 days.

Friends, Saint and R Lee, being sober this last week or so has been a huge relief. My quest for sobriety now most certainly involves engaging with meetings. After so much resistence, arrogance and excuses, (there was one particualr post you wrote for me Saint, and R Lee if only i had listened to you earlier, perhaps i might not have been in a position to wipe out an entire generation in my car eh?), but i am here now and i am a glad of it.

I have got into my head that if i focus on meetings my "direction and focus" won;t be far wrong. If i don't, historically i know what is likely to happen. It is all abit "finickerty" at the moment with all the daily "toing and froing" and i am in an area that i have never been before. I have a "new build", the place i am in i'm the first 1st!!! consequently all around me is a building site with many more homes being built, so all the roads around me are brand new, no bus services blah, blah, blah, so it's a bit of a slog, but can you imagine after my little lot, being at home for the first time in MY home, going to bed at night sober, new home, new start, new meetings to go to and new people to meet. I am trying to see it all as terribly exciting, but it is all rather frightening for a coward such as myself, but i do believe there is courage in there somewhere, there must be, i am accessing it. I am fighting day by day to stay sober and in the rest of my life to ..."get things right", i am trying, so hard.

Do you remember me saying that i could do a speech/talk with the "truth" of my drinking at its heart, to an audience of people involved with drug and alcohol provision? I have written to those that have asked me to do it saying that i would. I have had a mail back from an Organisation that is imploring me to do it. I believe they are looking for the end of April beginning of May. It will take me several weeks to prepare, but i am going ahead with it. With my proffessional hat on i would wager that there are as many alcoholics that "suffer alone" as there are that seek help. The speech/talk will be about trying to communicate the courage to come forward "to themselves", they will probably die of it otherwise. I am scared about doing it because i suspect many i have worked with will be shocked at the extent that it has affected my life, but at the same time, deep inside me, i know it is the right thing to do. I fantasise about leaving the Conference with a weight off my shoulders.

I am not cartwheeling around all over the place this time round Re dry time, yes i feel as if i am "saving my life everyday"........but so i should..........but i am now more than aware that today i am sober and will remain that way, tomorrow is another day, and i shall start again. Every morning now.....i do not know who/what/where my higher power is, but there is one, in my heart anyway, and each morning i say thanks for yesterday, and ask my higher power for the strength of sobriety today. It's the only way i can see it working for me. I expect nothing else. I now need a meeting to "sure up" my actions.

So all good my dear friends. Really hard work, but i am finding by putting in the hard work, i will get the rewards. Every minute i am sober......is all the reward i need. I will do the rest.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-11-2013, 05:29 PM   #361
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Tryn,

I'm happy for you Tryn. I'm glad you are willing to try something different to get sober. I think the key is to do whatever it takes. I find the things we resist the most are often the things we need to work on the most. There is safety in remaining inside our comfortable little box. It takes courage to step outside and experience something different. It takes courage to look at our faults and accept them. Keep working on your sobriety Tryn. You are sooo worth it.

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Unread 03-11-2013, 06:12 PM   #362
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Tryn, I'm so happy for you. Keep doing what you are doing. HUGS!!!!
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Unread 03-13-2013, 10:59 AM   #363
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Wow - what a positive post that I get to read this morning. There IS a higher power working in your life, Tryn, I can see it very clearly. Yay for you! Take care, Jenm
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Unread 03-13-2013, 05:19 PM   #364
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Hello everyone. Saint, R Lee, jenm, thank you so much.

Got a dodgy post coming up here. I am livid. Full of anger, hurt and if i had toys, they would be spread far and wide from my pram. I hasten to add that i am sober.

Quite how "muddled up" i am i can not quantify. I can not take this kind of hurt to meetings, and before anyone says anything, I CAN'T!!! I am, at this time, refusing to engage with anyone or anything, simply because i know, (i am 47), that i will rip apart the first person that .......me off. Sobriety is bringing me so much fury, i want to "beat sobriety up". S
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Unread 03-13-2013, 05:32 PM   #365
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sorry, don't know what happened there, must have hit the wrong button. As i was saying, how angry i am is frightening me. Where does it come from? Surely when i am "out of my nut" drunk as a skunk, my hurt and anger should flow. How come when one stops drinking, THEN the floodgates open. I have done all this stuff in rehab, but i was protected, and quite frankly most felt the same, so i did not feel " a fish out of water". I certainly do now. I am angry, angry, angry. Oh goodness, what will become of me? What am i to do with all this rage? I am sober and hurting, so, so much.

I am a survivor. I work so hard to be such. However, this does not feel like surviving at all. It seems to me at this time that if i am to drop dead, than my last thought should be, "i tried my best". I thought trying and trying again, meant that there would be a reward, sobriety, 1st prize. That's all i want, and as things stand i have it. But i am so, so, messed up, i am so "unable" to cope with sobriety. I REFUSE TO GIVE IN, but i don't know how to fight this.

HELP

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.



Of what?

I simply don't know.
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Unread 03-13-2013, 10:40 PM   #366
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My god when I 1st got sober I was told to take the cotton out of my ears & put it in my mouth.

All I see is I, I,I & more I's When we drank it was all about me, me me, & more m's.

We can set ourself up to drink long before we take that 1st drink.

Acting like a dry drunk does not feel like surviving at all.

Do you have a sponcer? You don't bring everything to the table. Talk to your sponcer about it.

You are still in the drivers seat. Turn it over!

The circus may have left town but the monkey is still on your back.
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Unread 03-13-2013, 11:20 PM   #367
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hello everyone. Oh Goodness. I have let myself down. I am drunk. Can anyone lift me up, i have no strength left. .......it. I was doing really well.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-13-2013, 11:57 PM   #368
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Tryn, try not to beat yourself up too much, but I know you will as I did for years. It just comes with the territory, so try not to sweat it as It's just part of the learning curve that we all went/are going through and know that the people here care and are with you. Get back on when you can. Take care,

Frank
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Unread 03-14-2013, 11:32 AM   #369
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Tryntryagain, Your strength is right here, you have support, you have a place to vent your feelings. You do need to get yourself to a meeting and surround yourself with others who have been there too. There is no need to speak at the meeting, just sit there and soak it in and know that you can have the strength to continue on with the program. I think you are isolating, and that is disastrous.

I am lifting you up and telling you that you can beat this thing. As far as I am concerned there is absolutely no way to understand why one picks up that one drink after attaining some sobriety. It just happens, and can happen over and over again. BUT, when one surrenders to a program and really works it the support and power can help get over the urge to pick up that bottle.

You cannot do it in isolation, you really need to get to a meeting and hopefully get a sponsor who will work with you.

Tryn, I do see your strength, it is within you. You want it and you know what steps need to be taken. Now take the first step forward, again, and let others support youl

I sure understand your sad feeling right now and I am so sorry. Time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. What you have been doing so far hasn't worked too well so look to change things a bit. I am sending you positive vibes and sure wishing with all my might that you will keep looking forward and working toward the goal.

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Unread 03-14-2013, 12:14 PM   #370
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Tryn, Lets start over. Keep it simple. Do not try and do it by yourself. Think through that next drink. HUGS
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Unread 03-14-2013, 03:56 PM   #371
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Tryn,

Sometimes the alcoholic will use their drug of choice as an escape mechanism. To hide from that which bothers us so. When one stops drinking we are left with the raw emotions. We need to address the anger, face it, but need to do it sober. We can stop drinking but we need to address why we drink if we expect to remain sober long term.

Tryn you are a survivor but I sense you are still trying to do this alone. Reach out your hand, let people help you. Trust, trust in others..... To trust can leave us feeling vulnerable but can be the key to our salvation. You don't need to do this alone.

Stay safe my friend,
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Unread 03-15-2013, 11:59 AM   #372
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Hello everyone. R Lee, Saint, Nan and Frankie, thank you so much.

The last few days have been quite dreadful. It culminated, frighteningly so with me collapsing in the street. I was on my way to therapy, i got off the bus, and during the bus journey i was finding it really difficult to get my breath. It got worse, my whole body started "tingling and buzzing and shaking", my lips went all fuzzy and i could not speak. I came very close to not being here this afternoon. My blood sugar was 0.3, normal being between 4 and 7. The paramedic simply said, "you don't eat do you?"..a direct result of my alcoholism. One of my heart valves is badly inflammed, a direct result of drinking. The fellow basically said, if this happens again you may not be so lucky. He left me in no doubt that if i continued i would not be around for long. His report stated that i had suffered an anxiety attack which brought on hyper ventilation and he stated that the cause was alcohol abuse. Nothing i can argue about.

So i am ok. The exhaustion i am feeling i can not describe. I am lonely, frightened and as i write i am not in good shape to be fair. Before i left hospital they managed to raise my blood sugar levels, but insisted that somehow, whatever works for me, i had to start eating. I am at a friends house, and he is cooking some chicken for me and he said that if it took me a day to eat it he didn't much care, but that i was to eat it, like it or lump it. I shall try my best. I am too ill at the moment to entertain solutions etc so to eat and then to sleep. I am hoping that over the weekend i can raise my spirits through rest. I need to find some strength from somewhere because this is the end game now. I don;t have any more "chances", that i am now clear on. I am beginning to think that as Nan said, not alot i have done has "worked" and i am wondering whether my best chance at this time would be a detox and rehab. I have no idea if i would be able to get the funding for rehab, in these times it may be doubtful. I think it would be beneficial for me to take "time out" in a safe enviroment as i just don;t seem to able to get this monkey off my back. The last 24 hours have made me realise that i am walking a very, very fine line between life and death right now.

Yes Saint i am a survivor, but even survivors can drop dead if they continue to cut off their noses to spite their faces. Why can i not help myself? Why i am so weak in the face of alcohol? It's almost as if i am doing this on purpose. I am not, but boy it must look like it to those that care for me.

I'm waffling. I am hurting so, so much. If i had the strength i would scream. I know this post must be coming across as "poor me, poor me, pour me another", really it isn't like that. I am not feeling sorry for myself, i just feel sad and somewhat terrified. I have overcome much adversity in life, i had no idea that the biggest threat to me i was ever likely to face.....was myself. God help me.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-15-2013, 02:31 PM   #373
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Tryn, Your last post sound a lot better than a few days ago.

No I don't see you saying poor me here with your last post.

Not eating again. You have done that before & are doing it again. Einstein theory of insanity is doing the same thing over & over again expecting diffrent results. Your thinking & behavior is insane.

Now the doctors are telling you that if you don't stop drinking you are going to end up dead. Death might be better than you end up unable to function in a nursing home alive but not able to walk or communicate just siting & drooling for 30 years.

You ask Saint why you are so weak in the face of alcoholism. The answer is simple you are an alcoholic. Doing something about it is the hard part.

Can you stay with someone who will be with you until you will continue to eat?

You can't do this with willpower. You have to say no more drinking & I need help I can't do this alone.

I have seen alcoholics just like you die. Thousands die every day from alcoholism.

I wish you the best on you decision of what you are going to do about your alcoholism.

Last edited by R. Lee; 03-15-2013 at 02:44 PM..
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Unread 03-15-2013, 07:45 PM   #374
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Tryn, I can't add to what has been said, but IMHO you are doing great just by hanging out here and venting, and hopfully listening. I used to hear "just don't drink" and I just wanted to puke. They didn't understand! But thats exactly what I had to do, and it got a whole lot easier. Just wish I could have picked up on that years ago. Take care buddy,

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Unread 03-16-2013, 11:26 AM   #375
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tryn,I hope you can stay with your friend and get your physical strength back. Get plenty of fluids into you-water, juices, etc. Also, some vitamin B12 sublingual can be helpful also. I am sorry the hospital sent you home in such poor condition.

You have received several terrible messages lately. You, by yourself, are powerless over the alcohol-you are not to blame, it is just what it is. Your brain has been altered. It takes time, support, a program, and sometimes medication to get through to the other side.

No easy answers, no easy ways, just strong determination, surrounding yourself with daily support and taking it one step at a time.

Order the book, Healing the Addicted Brain, by Dr. H Urschel and I think that will help you a great deal. Maybe it is available on kindle or something, I don't know, but I do know the Dr. has done a lot of research and the information in the book will be a help to you.

I am scared for you too. Alcoholism is a deadly disease. I want you to live!

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Unread 03-16-2013, 03:07 PM   #376
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Tryn,

Listen carefully to the responses to your posts. They are full of good advice. Yes you are a survivor but that does not mean doing this alone. You are an alcoholic..... you have an eating disorder.... either one alone may kill you. Do you accept you are an alcoholic? Do you accept you are powerless over alcohol??? Do you feel like you must suffer??? Do you wnat to die??? Ask yourself these questions, only you can answer them....

Tryn, we here all care for you, want you to live, live in peace. It may seem insurmountable at the moment because you are doing this alone. You've gone to meetings. Rlee asked if you had a sponser but you did not respond to his question. Have you gotten phone numbers, people for you to call when you are in need??? If not why not!! Get help Tryn, scream it out if you must, get the anger out, vent. Don't keep it inside, it will kill you. People will help if you let them. Trust.... trust in yourself and others. It's time to take a chance on life.

Stay safe my friend,
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Unread 03-17-2013, 11:46 AM   #377
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Tryn,

How are you today?? Sobriety takes what it takes. Live it, breathe it, focus on it. Work through your feelings, your triggers, why you drink. Nobody starts out drinking wanting to be alcoholic. Many use it as an escape, a crutch to get us through our day. When we stop drinking we are left with time where what we chose not to face now stares us straight in the face. Stopping the drinking is the easy part.... Lean on your supports, open up, let yourself be healed.

We care how you're doing.

Stay safe my friend,
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Unread 03-19-2013, 05:27 PM   #378
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Tryn,

It's been a few days now. Just checking in to see how you are doing today? I hope your friend hasn't released you yet, well at least until you're eating and have your strength back. Take care of yourself.

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Unread 03-20-2013, 09:25 AM   #379
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Hello friends. Thank you Saint and thank you Nan for your compassionate support.

It has been a very difficult few days. I have been extremely unwell. Today i am feeling so much stronger after a few days of "little but often" food encouraged by my dear friend. Last night i had the first proper sleep i have had in quite a while. That has helped immeasurably. I have an extremely long journey ahead of me, i am in no doubt. However, as better as i feel l today, remaining sober is all that i am focusiing on. Much to do in the rest of my life, but it will have to wait. I have to find dry time, now, and need to put some time under my belt. The i will take on other things.

I do have to say that this forum is a life saver. Period.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-20-2013, 09:48 AM   #380
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Hello tryn, Whew! Sure was wondering!!! So glad you still have the support of your friend and that you are feeling stronger. Now, no thinking about your long journey, that is an order, just pay attention to today and doing what you need to do to get better.

Keep eating and hydrating and each day you will get stronger. Stay with your friend as long as you can. Yes, we are supporting you here and sending our encouragement and hope to you.

Thanks for keeping in touch. I was worried!

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Unread 03-20-2013, 01:51 PM   #381
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Tryn, I'm so glad that hou are staying sober & eating. Make this simple as you can. Don't drink & have a support group to use when you are overwhelmed with something that might trigger the urge to drink.
A great big hug for you. You are worth it.
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Unread 03-20-2013, 03:41 PM   #382
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tryntryagain View Post
Hello friends. Thank you Saint and thank you Nan for your compassionate support.

It has been a very difficult few days. I have been extremely unwell. Today i am feeling so much stronger after a few days of "little but often" food encouraged by my dear friend. Last night i had the first proper sleep i have had in quite a while. That has helped immeasurably. I have an extremely long journey ahead of me, i am in no doubt. However, as better as i feel l today, remaining sober is all that i am focusiing on. Much to do in the rest of my life, but it will have to wait. I have to find dry time, now, and need to put some time under my belt. The i will take on other things.

I do have to say that this forum is a life saver. Period.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Hi tryn, and have to agree this forum is a life saver. There isn't a soft way to say this, but I'm wondering if you might have a bit of an eating disorder. Glad to see you posting and are doing better. Take care,

Frank
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Unread 03-20-2013, 06:29 PM   #383
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Tryn,

Glad to hear from you. I agree whole heartedly with Nan. Don't worry so much about the future right now. It will be there for you if you concentrate on staying sober today. Be selfish with your sobriety, it needs to come first above all else in my opinion. If we don't take care of ourselves today we may not have tomorrow to worry about. Don't struggle with your sobriety, use your supports. That's what we/they are there for. Remember, you're not reinventing the wheel here. We've all been where you are. Believe in yourself Tryn. I certainly believe in you.

Stay safe,
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Unread 03-21-2013, 11:15 AM   #384
Tryntryagain
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Hello everyone. WOW, the love on this forum is breathtaking. Thank you so, so, so much everyone. Saint, R Lee, Nan, Frankie, gosh, thank you.

You have put up with me for a long time now. You have listened to my nonsense, justifications, explanations, and back to nonsense again. All i can say to you all is that i have left the station of "total and utter confusion". I was waiting for "the right train". I have been standing there for years waiting for it. But Saint, R Lee, jenm, Carly, Frankie and Nan have all come up to me and asked me which train i was waiting for. What i have learnt now is that there was no such thing as "the right train". Do you know how many trains have pulled up, and i have found a reason for not getting on it? What is getting through to me is that "it is the right train........if you really want to get on it, and leave this destination behind".

I have got on. I do not know where it is going, but at least i am now on a train. If i had stayed on that platform, i would have died there.

Still eating and giving it a go to go back to my new flat tomorrow. I shall be there this weekend, and i am still very much trying to "rest". I am free of alcohol as i write. I am so grateful to be so.

I am looking forward to getting along to meetings next week. It is the best option. Perhaps the only one for me.

Thank you everyone. I fell, and you all caught me. Thank you. This is such a fight for survival.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-21-2013, 05:20 PM   #385
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Tryn,

You 'sound' so much better today! Food and sleep agree with you.

I couldn't agree more about the train analogy. I was running the other day and thought of you. I was going to tell you that if I waited for the right day to run, when it was xx degrees out, sunny, no bugs, slight wind, no hills, not tired, no snow or freezing rain, or rain for that matter, I would probably never run outside!!! Instead I choose to run in all conditions. Some days are better than others, but some runs have hidden jewels waiting to be discovered. Some runs just plain suck! (excuse my french) The lesson for me is I would never fully appreciate the good days if those are the only days I ran. What has this to do with sobriety?

Everything!

As you have found out there is no right day, or train to jump on to get sober. You just have to hop on and experience the ride. The ride is not the same for everyone, nor does everyone receive the same benefit. Take what works for you and leave the rest. It matters not if your 'train' takes you to meetings, therapy, or rehab. Just ensure you jump on the train headed to 'sobriety'. Leave quite time for reflection, let the things you hear and learn sink in. Live and breathe sobriety. You'll get there and we will do our best to ensure that happens.

Stay safe my friend,
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Unread 03-21-2013, 10:28 PM   #386
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Tryn, Don't look at your situation as putting us out.
You help me stay out of myself & that helps keep me sober.
Keep it simple 1 day at a time & have a support group.
Think through that 1st drink.
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Unread 03-22-2013, 09:36 AM   #387
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Tryn, glad you are on the train! So you are going back to your own flat today. Try to stay a little bit "busy"-open the blinds, let the sunshine in, go out for a walk around the block, or just up and down the street a little. Make calls to folks you would like to say hello to. Pull out the numbers you have been given at the meetings, keep them handy and use them if you need to. Bake some cupcakes...post to us...just no isolating at all.

You have done a good thing for yourself and I am so proud of you. Be proud of yourself and just focus on the good of today. I am grateful that you hopped on the train. Enjoy the scenery !

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Unread 03-22-2013, 11:17 AM   #388
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Tryn,

How are you today??

I just wanted to reply to a comment you had made about your "long journey ahead". If you look at it as a mountain you are thinking of climbing it may appear insurmountable. We climb mountains by putting one foot in front of the other and move forward. That's how we get to the 'Top'. I think that's why you hear so much talk of "staying sober just for today". Concentrate on today, or the moment if you need to. The top of the mountain will come in time.

I don't worry about being sober 10 years from now. I expect and hope I will be! One of the reasons I don't worry about 10 years from now is because I don't want to wish my life away. Plan for tomorrow, live for today.... because I may not be here tomorrow.

My thoughts are with you Tryn.

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Unread 03-25-2013, 05:18 PM   #389
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Hello everyone, bless you Saint, R Lee, Nan, thank you.

This dry time is bringing me confusion. Does one confuse "passion" with anger sometimes? I do seem to be feeling very angry. I hasten to add not towards others, but it is what is inside me. A frustration, a constant "god damn it" echo. I am not going to be eloquent here. I just can not describe the way that i feel. A room full of people, right now seems impossible. Seeing the Dr a challange. The fear of looking someone in the eye is dibilitating for me. I am floudering for words i can not find today. I am getting there, very slowly indeed.

I should be online tomorrow in my flat. That will help me alot. I am so very tired.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-25-2013, 08:21 PM   #390
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Tryn, Give yourself a break. Your thinking is going to get you in more trouble.
You are doing the right thing by stopping drinking & seeking help. Take credit for that.
If you continue to beat yourself up instead of start liking yourself so one day you can love yourself you are going to run into trouble.
Keep it simple. Your a recovering alcoholic. That is a lot better than where you were.
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Unread 03-25-2013, 08:55 PM   #391
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Tryn,

When the alcohol is gone and we are relatively clear headed we are left with our feelings. You don't have to like how you feel, just acknowledge them, for those feelings are yours. Those feelings that we hide what was driving us to our drug of choice in the first place.

Lee has a great point..... you have come a long way and deserve credit for that though you may not feel that way. It's hard to see the forest for the trees when you're finding your way. Should you struggle, reach out, call your supports. Addiction is an isolating disease as you know. I would only suggest this is a time to surround yourself with support, not isolate yourself. Hang in there Tryn. It can be a difficult journey but sobriety is worth it.

Stay safe,
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Unread 03-25-2013, 11:34 PM   #392
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Tryn, You are getting there. It is almost morning for you, I do hope you did get some good rest. Anger? Frustration? Of course, but put them in their place-they must not control your thoughts. Replace them with hope, determination, and a desire, just for today, to think positive thoughts. You have struggled a mighty fight these last few days and you are winning. You can win, you can survive, and you can feel better. I am proud to see you working so hard to move forward. Stay the course-you have so much to live for.

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Unread 03-26-2013, 05:01 PM   #393
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Hi Tryn, Glad to see you posting and doing so much better! What Lee said about you helping him stay sober is true. Reading all the advice on this thread from others helps put it back in my head, and seeing someone struggling and learning helps me stay sober. You help all of us by posting! Take care buddy,

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Unread 03-26-2013, 11:09 PM   #394
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Frank you inspire me! I'm so happy for you.....

Tryn, the struggle is worth it. Hang in there. Continue to rest and eat as much as you can. Post when you can regardless of how you feel. We're here for you.

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Unread 03-27-2013, 09:03 PM   #395
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Saint Frank is proof anyone can get sober. He was a hard case like Tryn but he stayed around to get this gift of sobriety. With that gift he can help the alcoholic who wants helf.
I'm thankful for both of you.
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Unread 03-28-2013, 11:25 AM   #396
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Hello tryn, It is time that we hear from you.

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Unread 03-29-2013, 10:51 AM   #397
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Tryn,

How are you today? It's been a few days since we heard from you. Hope all is well. Remember we didn't wake up one day and suddenly become alcoholic. It took a while. Sobriety is the same. Sometimes it takes awhile until something finally 'clicks'. It did for me. Keep working it, thinking about sobriety. You'll get there, one step at a time.

Post when you have a chance.

Take care,
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Unread 03-29-2013, 04:22 PM   #398
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Tryn, Get back here ASAP & share what is going on. Hugs
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Unread 03-30-2013, 11:20 AM   #399
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Hello everyone, and thank you for all your messages of support.

I don't quite know what to say. It could be understood that i am doing well with the relentless stream of just "darn right back luck", in that i have taken them on board as such, and immediately set about finding a solution. Example. My new build flat. None of the phone sockets are working, the builders dragging thier feet. My address still not registered to various Goverment organaisations. My income cut off as from this coming Monday, and all that will entail, rather pressing health issues that really do need to be resolved sooner rather than later, ridiculous amounts of travelling to acheive very little, and drinking, still. I am drinking 2 litres of strong cider a day.

Taking all this into account, there is an awful lot of solutions to find. I have done a mind map. How it works for me is that i draw me in a circle. I draw lines coming off the circle and draw bubbles. It doesn't matter where they are. I then put into the bubbles what is on my mind. What i think i have to do. Once i have "emptied my mind", i then "mark" from 0-10 what effects me most, what has to be a priority. 10 being most important, 0 being not important at all.

I have done it, and what i get from that is priorities, so at least i can take a task at a time. I have marked them all, when i come to my alcohol bubble, i leave it blank. I just don't know. I feel that if i put 10 in my alcoholism bubble, then all my other priorities i wouldn't acheive. So my drinking thinking says, "just get myself settled and then..........."

Oh Goodness. I wish i could touch and see you all. I do feel so comfortable here. You know when you have tried to cross a river as a boy, by jumping across made up stepping stones? Do you then remember that feeling when you had confidently strode out stepping on this one and that and found yourself on a big stone, but all around you the stones are so small you don't trust them and then feel stranded?

I am in danger of disappearing up a dark place inside myself at this rate! I'll leave it there.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-30-2013, 01:28 PM   #400
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Tryn, Everone of us had stuff come up in are daily live that can be a hard to deal with.
The support group I use says keep it simple. I'm not in charge. I have to do the footwork in life. I can make plans but plan the outcome. It is called acceptance.
From your post you are making it hard on yourself putting all the other things in life ahead of not taking that next drink.
You are in deep trouble as you continue to go back to alcohol.
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