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Unread 11-24-2012, 09:25 AM   #151
Tryntryagain
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Hello everyone, it's good to pen these words to you. Things have moved on a pace for me. Over the last few weeks i have infact been overwhelmed by the love and support that i have received. Far from deriding my luck of late i have infact been feeling very lucky indeed. For all of you that have supported me on this journey i would like to tell you all that i am now 4 days sober. I am on a detox program lasting 10 days, so i am nearly half way through. I am then moving onto a project whom i have already had an assessment with and been accepted. I shall be seeing them 3 times a week for 3 months and we shall see where we go from there.

But i want you all to know dear friends, (as that is how i see you all), i am 4 days sober, i have never done this within my own home. You know what i really feel? I feel stil;l rather scared, but i am so greatful to be alive, so greatful for all that i am and all that i will be in the future. Oh, and by the way, isn't being sober just the tops!! It's fab! I have spen t the last four days rmembering A) my name, and i even know what day of the week it is....and best of all.....i care that i do!

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. A special loveness to all.
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Unread 11-24-2012, 02:58 PM   #152
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Try-
That is wonderful news, congrats. Sobriety and recovery are difficult at times- just remember that you are human and if mistakes come to pass, the best thing to do is get right back to business with healing yourself. You can do this, we believe in you!
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Unread 11-24-2012, 05:13 PM   #153
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Trytrnagain, You are welcome. Great news. Keep up what you are doing. Sobriety is worth it.
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Unread 11-24-2012, 10:44 PM   #154
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Tryntryagain,

You sound wonderful! I'm happy for you. Happy that you're getting detoxed safely and happy that you have plans in place after the detox.

Early on I recall being afraid that I would relapse as I had in the past. It seems like I was stuck in the middle between two places, one place being 'sobriety' and the other place occupied by my old evil friend alcohol. I felt out of sorts, uncomfortable travelling between those two places. It didn't feel normal not to drink even though that is what I desperately wanted. I needed a new 'normal.' My suggestion, keep moving forward, focus your energies on your goal, your sobriety. Listen, learn....... sometimes it's painful but the journey is worth the price.

Stay safe,
Saint
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Unread 11-25-2012, 01:30 AM   #155
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Dear TrynTryagain,
Congrats and please stay safe during the WD process, I hope you are as comfortable all things considered. Reach out to your supports and thank you for posting an update. Take it easy, hang in there and may each day bring you the peace and happiness that remission brings. Take care, Carly
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Unread 11-29-2012, 03:41 PM   #156
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I'm so happy to hear from you, Tryn! What an amazing thing, 4 days of sobriety! Good job! Keep up the good work! We are in your corner. Jenm
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Unread 12-01-2012, 05:57 PM   #157
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Hello everyone. Thank you Magda, R Lee, Saint, Carly O and Jenm, thank you so much.

Sober, 10 days, goodness me, this is bloody hard work. Look left, look right, look up, look down, and there it is, bold as brass. My day to day coping? look straight ahead.

I want a hug.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 12-01-2012, 09:54 PM   #158
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Dear TrytryAgain,
Congrats on all your work and effort, you sound happy and have a great outlook, stay vigilante and may good things continue to come your way. Keep us posted, take care, Carly
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Unread 12-01-2012, 10:49 PM   #159
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Tryntryagain, It is all around us at this time of year.
Remember where you came from. If I can do it anyone can.
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Unread 12-02-2012, 03:23 PM   #160
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Thank you Carly, and thank you R Lee, remember where you came from, is so terribly important at this time. Thank you for your perception R Lee.

I am sober and feel.....goodness me......how do i put this?........ i feel, and it hurts.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 12-02-2012, 03:43 PM   #161
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Just hanging out on this forum drinking or not has helped me get 8 mos., the most sober time ever for me. I hope you don't, but even if you drink, try to stay with the forum. Good luck!

Frank
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Unread 12-03-2012, 10:40 AM   #162
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Tryntryagain,

Alcohol is the center of your attention, only natural to 'see' it everywhere. It's like shopping for something you want. You notice all the different versions of what you are searching for. Stay vigilante. At times those thoughts will pull at you, sometimes strongly. I found some relief from those thoughts by acknowledging and accepting them as part of who I am and making peace with them. Acceptance removes the struggle, for me, at this point in time. It took me awhile to get there.

Ahh the pain, I know it well. I had a few tough days, shed many a tear. For me it was part of the healing process, an acknowledgement of the shame I felt for who/what I was, an alcoholic. I still dislike the word. Remember it's ok to feel, they are your feelings unencumbered by foreign substances. Keep venting, posting. Putting your feelings down on paper can help you work through what you are feeling. Hang in there, you're not alone.

Stay safe,
Saint
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Unread 12-06-2012, 11:24 AM   #163
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Hi Tryn!

Here is your hug ((((()))))). There you go. Keep up your good work - actually "feeling" is hard, isn't it? But it is also OK! In the beginning of sobriety, I had no idea what feelings were, how to process them, how to know what they were. People helped me. I cried. Over everything. A lot. Do I still have days that suck? Sure I do. However, the difference now is that I know that I can get through them without immediately running for a drink. What a difference for this girl! Alcohol almost killed my brother at the age of 42 - he was lucky enough to be able to quit and after being very near death, he got a liver transplant. He missed my father's funeral as a direct result of drinking - that is a resentment that I'm really trying to work on because it is just sitting there inside me - doing no good at all. Anyway - I'm so proud of you and please know that we are always here for you, no matter what! Jenm
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Unread 12-06-2012, 01:30 PM   #164
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All of you thank you, deeply felt, thank you. Saint, that was a post i felt grateful to receive, much like the understanding of a need for another, understanding their preconceptions, conceptions, and their misconceptions. Frankie i'm with you with what you say, to keep "spilling, helps chilling", it beats being pissed, that's for sure. Jenm, thanks for the hug, well needed. No, no, no, this is no dispappearing act of some self pitiying soul, i just wanted a hug, ok?, Thanks Jenm.

Still sober, and....but....you see.....nope......don't know what this feels like. It feels sort of....empty.....but at least that's real. It feels, like i'm "on a drug"...but this is "normal". I find myself far more capable at somethings, and utterly clueless at others....all of a sudden.

I can only explain it by beaking it down to two things.

Physical.

Much more energy, almost too much. A blanket of positivity sweeping through me more often, vivid dreams?..... out of respect i would not swear, but on this occaision, you understand me when i say vivid >>>>>>>ing dreams!! NOT, nightmares. Not horrible reconstructions, just completely off the wall. It can take me 30 mins "in the morning", to "come round" and get my bearings. That my friends is sober!!!, I can't remember what happened before. I just physically threw up, when i waked up.

Emotional.

Don't get me started!!. This fellow is full of it. All confident, full of bluster. He thinks he is so incredibly capable. He has sought out circumstance and situation to enable that belief.

It's not true. He's not full of it, he is not confident, he thinks he is capable....so much.....because he knows he's not...so much.

So you are at a crossroads, yeah? You are sober today, result. Then there is stuff that needs looking at. Prioritise, brilliant idea,......

How do you do that then?

I am almost totally emotionally inept. I will deal with it. I would however welcome any experience that you have, around the issues of being completely without identity, without alcohol? (And this is an alcoholic that drank on his on own in secret)

Anyone reading this and considering sobriety, anyone that is in the early days, and anyone of us all that have acheived a life without alcohol, you can't argue on any level, whatever you gotta go through, sober is tops.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.

And thank you
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Unread 12-06-2012, 05:42 PM   #165
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tryntryagain,

First - Congrats on your continued sobriety!!

Early on in my recovery I wasn't so elated I was sober. I was going through a divorce and basically waiting for the other shoe to drop regarding the drinking. I had stopped drinking once before for a period of time, 6 or 7 months only to start back up again until I eventually stopped for good. So that always was sitting on my shoulder whispering to me... I filled those early days reading through all the stories here of those that had gone before me and succeeded. I also read biographies of others that have struggled with addiction in their lives. I wanted to learn of my disease and how best to stay disease free if you will.

I also liken sobriety to a construction project if you will. Sometimes you need to tear down, deconstruct what is standing and rebuild anew atop a strong foundation. I think for me the hard part was tearing down what was. Admitting to myself that the 'foundation' was flawed and needed repair!

Keep your eye on the 'prize' and move forward... one step at a time. Progress not perfection as they say in these parts!

Take care,
Saint
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Unread 12-07-2012, 12:32 AM   #166
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Saint you inspire me.
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Unread 12-07-2012, 11:32 AM   #167
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Thank you Saint. R Lee, he inspires me too.

Thank you.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 12-07-2012, 03:40 PM   #168
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Tryntryagain, It is not the amount of time you have in sobriety, it is what you put into it.
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Unread 12-09-2012, 11:54 PM   #169
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Dear TryNTryAgain,
So Good read such a thorough update and while everyone responds differently to alcohol remission, imo, you are probably going through what many of went through. This may, most probably sounds like a broken record but what describe is the reason it often suggested that you have support, imo the more the better. In the beginning, I hated the emptiness, that void, fearful, anxious as simple as it sounds, taking each day, each moment as it comes and when in doubt ask for help as you are now.
I truly thought I was hopeless, but enough people believed in me that little by little I had a glimmer of hope, I started to work towards goals as in baby steps. I was in counseling /attended meetings, IOP therapy, all overseen by an addiction's specialist( some of those I still utilize, I have tried doing sobriety every which way and suffered the consequences- so finding what works for me it vital.
The early months: I remember sleeping the night without those horrible dreams, especially dreams with drink in hand a major triumph as silly as that sounds, making new friends, eventually rebuilding relationships with loved ones.
The energy you post about walk, get moving, find something healthy to get the endorphins pumping, just walking helped me with my major anxiety issues.
I hope that helps, you have received great feedback from the others- just imo the good days will become more frequent, hang in there and take care, Carly
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Unread 12-10-2012, 07:15 PM   #170
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Try, hang in there as it really does get easier/better the longer you stay away from that last drink. Stay with the forum if you can.

Frank
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Unread 12-14-2012, 03:45 PM   #171
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TryNtryagain,

Thinking of you. Hope your recovery is going well. Even sober I have issues I need work on. I have a hard time letting people help me. Don't know if it's the stubborn Yankee in me but I am aware of it at least. That's a start!

Wishing you the best. Stay resolute; and be kind to yourself.

Regards,
Saint
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Unread 12-20-2012, 09:24 PM   #172
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Dear Tryandtryagain,
Just wanted to check on you and say hello. Hope all is going well with you. Be well, Carly
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Unread 12-22-2012, 04:17 PM   #173
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Hello all. I would just like to take this time to thank you all for your wonderful support. For your wisdom, your patience and your compassion over these last few months. I wish you all a very happy Christmas, a positive new year as i know all of you are worth those very simple things.

Many thanks to you all. x

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 12-22-2012, 05:04 PM   #174
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Tryntryagain, Happy holidays to you. keep coming back to help the new souls who come here.
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Unread 12-25-2012, 01:28 AM   #175
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Good to hear from you Tryn! I hope all is well!
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Unread 12-25-2012, 09:27 AM   #176
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Wishing you the same, may you continue on your journey and find all the great things recovery has. You are worth it! Take care, Carly
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Unread 12-27-2012, 12:43 PM   #177
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Tryn'

Glad the day finds you well! Thank you for the holiday wishes. Stay focused as you start out the New Year on your journey of self discovery. I wish you happiness. May you feel the sun on your face.

Peace
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Unread 12-28-2012, 09:44 AM   #178
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Hello everyone. May i just start by wishing you all a very happy new year. I wanted to wish you all a happy christmas, but did not have access to a comp as i have been away.

I want to thank you all. This last year i have hit some forgettable lows. I have fled from my problems and as such, they twofolded, hand over fist. I was proper stuck, and it was getting worse. The end was most definately nigh.

I had no reference points. I had "nothing to hold onto", through engaging with this forum, i found them.

How does one thank others for their very life? They dont. What they do is go onto support others, and pass on the compassion, the understanding, the tears and the joy that has been afforded to me.

Thank you everyone for being there for me this year. I am looking foward to getting better and better and supporting others in where we have all been.

I offer up my love to this forum, my understanding and my compassion for any that could possibly feel comfort and positivity in my words.

Thank you all for my life.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 12-29-2012, 12:18 AM   #179
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Dear TryandTryagain,
Glad all is well and happy holidays to you too ! Thank you for the update and such a wonderful post. I hope you will stay around and offer your experience, strength and hope to the undecided, the new members- you have much to offer and can inspire others in their time of need.
Keep us posted, Take care and have a happy, safe, sober New Year ! Carly
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Unread 12-29-2012, 02:35 AM   #180
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Try, here I go again with the ole broken record, but you, me, and the new people need to hear that the longer you stay away from the last drink, the easier it gets. Only problem for me is I never gave it a chance to materialize, as I wanted it all now and was not willing to just stick it out.

One thing that Carly said to me that shook me up/woke me up was if not drinking was easy, there wouldn't be a need for addiction centers. I sort of felt like I had been slapped and sent to my room to pout, but it worked to wake me up out of my deep self centered sleep. I needed to be man handled and she obliged me. She even kicked me. Just kidding Carly!

It's as simple as that for me, because I didn't drink today, and if I don't drink tomorrow I wiil have 9.5 months sober, and the most time I ever put togeather in the past was 90 days. Something seems to be working now that I just didn't drink, and it really did get easier like I was told in the past it would. Please keep comming back to this forum as you are needed here.

Frank

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Unread 12-30-2012, 05:51 AM   #181
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Tryn,

Thanks for the Holiday wishes! And thank you for an update. I often wonder how people are doing when I don't 'hear' from them. Sometimes I worry, I'll admit. So happy things continue to go well for you. I wish you the best in the New Year as you continue on your journey. Keep in mind, You are doing the work, are open to the suggestions of others. Be kind to yourself!

Frank you continue to amaze me. I am so happy for you. I'd give ya a big hug but you're too far away. Keep up the good work!!! Inspiring stuff sobriety.. WoW!

Peace,
Saint
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Unread 01-01-2013, 12:23 AM   #182
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Dear TRY,
May this New Year bring you peace and happiness, you have come a long way and deserve all good things that remission offers. Take care, Carly
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Unread 01-01-2013, 07:33 AM   #183
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Hello everybody.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS!!!!

Thank you all for your lovely and supportive posts.......how lucky am i???

It is new years day. I am sober. Check this.....i am happy!!! I am, at this time, a contented fellow. Of course it is not easy, especially at this time of year, but somehow, through the love and understanding of this forum i stay strong, why? because i want to. It is astonishing how quickly things can change. In this month of January i am moving!! Oh yes, this lucky fellow has a brand new property that i am moving into, and i simply can not wait. It feels right. A new year, new dreams, new goals and a new home. I changed cerain parts of myself. I looked at my attitude and i also took on board the truth about my drinking. As R Lee suggested i sought support and i have it to this day. You were right, it is just so difficult to do this on your own. By looking at things in the sober light of day i realised that "if i continued to do as i have always done i would get what i have always got", change needed to come from inside me.
I have a very long way to go i know. I am not complacent and i am mindful of becoming so. All i know is that i can feel me now. I can be kinder to myself. I eat now, i sleep but moreover.....i can hold my head up high.
I am looking forward to supporting others this year on this forum. I desperately want to give back and pass on my compassion and experience to others that may be struggling. I have no answers, but i have understanding.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-01-2013, 01:43 PM   #184
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Tryntryagain, Happy New Year, What a wonderful feeling it is to wake up sober on New Years day!
Keep coming back to suport the alcoholic who still suffers.
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Unread 01-01-2013, 02:46 PM   #185
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Thank you R Lee,

I hope you are well? And i hope this festive season for you has been a peaceful and relaxing time. This is the first new year i can remember. It has been a sublime and blissful experience. As Saint said in another thread that the "pink cloud" syndrome i know is happening to me. You know what? I'm really going to enjoy this feeling of almost euphoria, and i am old enough and ugly enough to brace myself for the "bump"!

I am most certainly going to offer my support by looking in, reading the posts, and offering encouragement and support. For me it is a privilege to do so.

Fancy that. It's 2013 and i'm alive!

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you R Lee.
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Unread 01-01-2013, 08:47 PM   #186
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Hi Tryn!

So good to hear such a positive and uplifting post from you!! I actually made it up until midnight last night but was asleep shortly after - isn't it nice to wake up sober and feel good on New Year's Day?

I am hopeful for this New Year for all of us. I am SO HAPPY to hear that you are doing so well! We are all in this thing together! Jenm
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Unread 01-02-2013, 08:31 PM   #187
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saint View Post
Tryn,

Thanks for the Holiday wishes! And thank you for an update. I often wonder how people are doing when I don't 'hear' from them. Sometimes I worry, I'll admit. So happy things continue to go well for you. I wish you the best in the New Year as you continue on your journey. Keep in mind, You are doing the work, are open to the suggestions of others. Be kind to yourself!

Frank you continue to amaze me. I am so happy for you. I'd give ya a big hug but you're too far away. Keep up the good work!!! Inspiring stuff sobriety.. WoW!

Peace,
Saint
Thanks Saint! Had a not so nice pang Sun. when driving my wife back to her mom's on sun. In the past I would always stop on the way back and get beer, and this time I didn't, but I'm still bothered even today with that temptation that had a chance to get to me. Also, this is the first new years since I was 19 that I didn't get drunk. A bit strange to say the least!

Frank
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Unread 01-02-2013, 10:19 PM   #188
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Frank, Most important is that you did not drink. It is normal for the temtation to drink to hit us. It is what we do with that temtation. I have a tool box I use prayer, sponcer, phone numbers of recovering alcoholics.
You are just a normal recovering alcoholic.
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Unread 01-03-2013, 09:12 AM   #189
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Frank,
I was just thinking a few days ago how nice it would be if I was able to just hang out with friends and have a beer or two. I felt like I was missing out on something. I thought about it and once again told myself just having one beer or two is not going to work out for me. It's just not worth it. There are a lot of things in life that would be 'nice' to have.... a lot of them I will never have and that's OK. I think that's the way it should be. We don't need to have everything....
My main point being yes the pang will come, sometimes they come hard in the beginning of sobriety and sometimes it's just a whisper but they will most likely always be with us. When those pangs come, just think them through. And yes it does get easier the longer we have been away from drinking.
And sometimes those urges are telling us something about ourselves. It's up to us to stop and listen. Sometime's it's frustrating because the answers are not so obvious to us, we develop scatoma's, blind spots. Things that are right in front of us but we don't really notice until we stop to ponder. Well for me anyways.
When I was a virgin recovering alcoholic (lol) I remember going to a neighborhood party and passing by the house where the party was early in the morning. I remember thinking about how they must have been feeling this particular morning, hungover, lethargic, and I was wide eyed and ready to take on the day. Two sides to every coin....

Good job on working through that pang Frank.

Saint
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Unread 01-03-2013, 07:07 PM   #190
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Thanks Lee and Saint,

I wasn't super close to drinking because I really did think through that first drink. One to ten on the pang scale it was maybe a five, but I'm just not used to having that rotten filthy feeling, and It's still bothering me a lot!!

I shared with one of my drinking friends that I wanted to get a 12 pack on the way back from my wife's mom's place, and he pointed out that there are random sobrety checks before new years.

I also told him that I would love to get wasted on new years eve like he was getting ready to do, and he just said "It's not worth it." It wasn't!

Frank
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Unread 01-03-2013, 09:02 PM   #191
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Frank,

For me I always tried to figure out why I was having the pangs, urges to drink. At some point in time the urge to drink is no longer a physical urge, it is a mental urge. I would guage the intensity of the urge with what was going on in my life. They were usually telling me something about how I coped with stresses in my life. Alcohol was what I used to eliminate the stress. I obviously didn't handle it, I ran from out, using the alcohol to dull my senses. If I learned one thing about urges it is this : Embrace them, love them for they are a part of you. Would you cut off your foot because you sprained your ankle or would you rest it and rehab the injury???

As Lee said, and I think it's important to remember, You are a NORMAL recovering alcoholic. And that is OK!

Take care Frank,
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Unread 01-06-2013, 06:42 PM   #192
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Dear Frank,
Glad you thought through that craving - you have come so far and I hope you feel good about it, it sure beats feeling rough the next day. Keep sharing about it, start a new thread if you need to. We went out for New Years to a coffee shop to meet with friends from my group after Midnight/fireworks show. it was kinda funny we were the only ones heading in that direction while throngs of inebriated folks were passing the opposite way, some walking sideways, bumping into us. No judgement on them, just kinda of ironic - I used to be them. I definitely did not envy what some may endure the next morning! Ugh. the headache, nausea and all that ...
Glad you made it through and you have been offering great feedback to others, imo that can help as well - to give back ! Take care, Frank - Carly
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Unread 01-07-2013, 08:17 PM   #193
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Carly, that is a bit weird to see people/friends drunk, and the next day I can't help thinking about their hangovers and how glad I am I don't have to go through one myself! Saint, great advice as usual. Thanks much to both of you!

Frank
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Unread 01-10-2013, 08:20 PM   #194
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Hello everyone, and a special hug to Frankie. I have been around this support Frankie for a little while, thank goodness it was here when i needed it. I hear what you are saying, and because i can hear it, i want to give you a hug!!

All is well. I won't, until i get feed back from this thread, but i really feel ready to start a new thread. I want to call it "all is well", because i think it is important to recogonise goodness on our journey, i like to think of it as stepping stones, and reference points can be helpful to some.

I am so lucky. I have found clarity, and in doing so i have found strength.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-10-2013, 09:44 PM   #195
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tryntryagain, What a change in a man in such a short time. From sheer despiration to sobriety. Please remember we are never cured & have to work to stay sober every day. That is why I'm here & work with alcoholics who are willing to try to get sober. I do this for my soberity.
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Unread 01-11-2013, 01:01 PM   #196
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Tryn,

I vote to keep your thread going as is. A chronicle of your journey so to speak. In the end the choice is yours. The journey is as important as the ultimate goal I think. Overall the important thing is your continued progress and the work you have put in and are putting in. Great job! You should be proud of yourself. Keep it up and keep your eye on the prize.

Peace,
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Unread 01-11-2013, 04:25 PM   #197
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Try, when you stay sober you help all of us to stay that way. When I see other people here struggling with addictions and getting through it anyway, that gives me hope that I also have a chance to keep my head above water and might just actually do this thing, but I really do need the help from all of you here! For me, for the first time I feel that I'm getting help from outside myself and this something has been going on for about a year. And Mike, if you are reading this, and I think you are, something is going to click for you. I feel it.

Frank
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Unread 01-12-2013, 07:07 PM   #198
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Hello everyone. A really special thank you to R Lee, Saint and Frankie. Thank you for your thoughts. How right you all are. There is exurberance in sobriety for sure, and perhaps the "young pup" sydrome needs some taming, but on the other hand, i do believe that experience, with a splash of "newness", is a gift.

R Lee, i hear you say "such a change in a short time", and i thank you for that positivity. I am also mindful of the pace of change. I believe for myself, that experience collated over time has allowed me a temporary space, where i can collect myself and consolidate myself, to move on with pride. I can accept and look forward to making the full use of the "salary" of experience that life has dealt me.

I had the same contentions when i was drinking. I personally believe that i achieved some pretty cool things whilst i was drinking.

It was never going to last, and as we all know it comes tumbling down and here we are.

I suppose that when i asked for advice around a new thread, i was on the wisp of a thought, and just wanted to exude my luck and the firm belief, that if i can get here, how ever the tiny steps, anyone can.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-17-2013, 12:40 PM   #199
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Hello everyone x Bright blessings and much peace to you all. How is everyone? My thoughts and good wishes to all.

I am well. I am sober. I am finding it........bloody hard work! I like my work, it is holding me together. I know, a tad bizarre, but each day i am sober is a day i get to know myself just that little bit more.

Horrendously busy. I am in a transitional stage with moving and whatnot, a foot here, and leg there, and all my stuff all over the place!! I am so, so happy with my new home. It is a clean slate, and i am trembling at the thought of what i want to do with it. I can tell you all that i will do my very best.

I could not do this if i was drinking.

Imagine this.

One wakes up at the beginning of the week. It is Monday. NOW, tomorrow is Tuesday, and so forth. Whilst i was drinking, i would wake up on Monday morning, drink, and it would remain Monday morning for MONTHS!!! At least i know now, tomorrow...really is.....another day.

In England here, it is sumptuously freezing! My goodness they say it will snow tomorrow! Last night i went to bed and thought. (Each night i go to bed now, i bring me with me!) I had the window open, i got up at 1am to shut it. It is blisteringly cold right now. It occured to me when i went back to bed that i remember being sooooo cold on the streets when i was young, and here i am, in a nice warm and cosy bed, feeling cold. I then had a wonderful wave of warmth and understanding. I can not tell you all how many times a day and a night that i conciously say to myself...i am so lucky. I remembered remembering, "one day when i grow up, i will have a bed of my own", and here i am.

I can also remember saying, "when i get sober......................", and here i am.

It intertwines. Being me, allows me to try. Not being me, only allows me to cry.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all
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Unread 01-17-2013, 03:48 PM   #200
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Hi Tryn!

You sound good. It is so nice - what a good feeling! I am so delighted to read such a happy post from you.

It is cold in the Midwest too. Snow all over the place. I always say I have no idea why I continue to live in a place where the winters are so harsh. However, we get all four seasons completely, and I get to look forward to spring, then summer, then the beautiful fall. Also, I grew up here and my boys are in school and love it.

Anyway - it makes my heart happy to see you doing so well. Yay! Jenm
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