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Unread 03-02-2017, 06:29 AM   #5201
NancyB
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Happy happy birthday my dear Little Brother!! Sooooo thrilled how it went yesterday. Hope tomorrow goes just as well!

Absolutely love the way you told the story of your interview - it was like we were right there with you!

I'll leave you with this on your special day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S75gYhODS0M

Big, big hugs to you and skritches and pats on the head for dear Rolo.

Your Big Sis
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Unread 03-02-2017, 06:41 AM   #5202
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haha that video is amazing Nancy!!!
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Unread 03-02-2017, 10:29 AM   #5203
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Glad it went well Tryn. Happy Birthday so enjoy your 51st. Hugs Bro.
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Unread 03-02-2017, 10:55 AM   #5204
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Hey Andy!

Happy birthday, dear friend! 51 years old, that's ALL you are? I mean, ONLY 51 years on this ol earth? Why, still a young kid, you are!

I so remember my 50th birthday. Oh brother, now I am getting old...into my 50s! How is this possible!?

Yet looking back, now from inside my 60s, I think, why, what a young punk-kid I was! Ha!

Despite your health challenges, Tryn', you really are still a young man. Grown up, to be sure. But in body, mind and spirit, you are just entering your prime!

Life is changing for you and YOU Tryn', you're right in the sweet middle of it!

Good for you, Andy!

Again, Happy Birthday!

sam
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Unread 03-02-2017, 03:16 PM   #5205
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Happy Birthday Tryn😘💃 oh I knew it would go well!🙌
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Unread 03-02-2017, 04:24 PM   #5206
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I'm beyond delighted that the meeting went well.

And happy birthday, dear Tryn.
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Unread 03-02-2017, 04:51 PM   #5207
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Good evening everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Ohhhh my....oh my, my. Sis?......it took me a fair ole while to get back up off the floor! How quite wonderful. Now if Tryn could just master scales quite as easily as that....bob would probably turn out to be my uncle. Goodness if my fingers worked as fast as my mouth.

Dearest Alexis, the purity that is you, you are going to find out. You are like a cat playing with a ball of wool. As it is my birthday, i have a gift for you. (I used to try and tease the children when they were small by saying that birthdays meant "YOU" had to give a present....Ooooooo.....if looks could kill!)....Here's a ball of wool i made earlier, try that. I just wish i could tell you what is going to happen to you. It's going to be everything and more you hoped for.

My dear R Lee.

I stop...right there, my fingers do not sprout as easily. I revere you, and you can't stand it. My dear brother Saint with his breath down my neck, i am because of.

I stop because how do you say to another that their love is as pure as the person that empowered them to chose, yet feels they do not deserve it?

It is my birthday so i can say what i like. Mr R Lee?, my journey is about accepting what i can...which incorporates what i achieve. Choosing sobriety as my way forward, and in doing so, sobriety has it "little rewards".

YOU are the reward for me. To be able to reach back out to the very person that reached, and pulled me up out of deaths jaws, happy birthday to me indeed. I love you with all i have.

My gorgeous Sam!....my favourite LA freak......have you ditched the shorts? Dear Sam, you know what?......it comes down to us. For sure, all of "us" as individuals, yet i do not think we can do it "without an us".

There are so many familys in this wonderful world gorgeous Sam, the point surely to empower, love, giggle and move forward. There are so many, many ways to say it, and do it.

What you have shown me is how to love. Thank you.

Dearest Lost Dog....i think there has been a mix up.

Being my birthday and whatnot, of course a few delivery's. I was hoping, and hoping, and i heard "beep...beep...beeeeep..." oh my goodness, it's a delivery lorry! Hooray!.

The chap knocked on the door and said....

"hello mate.....i got a barn roof for ya"....

Honestly, i did not have the heart to tell him he had delivered it to the wrong country. So thank you dearest Lost Dog, Rolo is loving the new "roof".

Topday has been day of love, and base touching. All of it came to me.

I am proud at last, to be me. My gorgeous Sam says i am a nipster no less.......my dear Sam, it took me a 100 years to be 51.

I have found out today the reason why having a dog "keeps you alive"....oh yes.

He's old, you're knackered.......and you try to outdo each other.

I have quite the most wonderful day. My fingers went walkabout on piano, guitar and even a bit of violin, yet my life would have ended had i carried on with that if the ole fella had anything to do with it.

Huge day tomorrow.

I am ready. I am ready because i know i am already lucky.

What a wonderful world.

Night night.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-02-2017, 04:58 PM   #5208
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Tryn you amaze me every day. Your strength and love is so powerful you can do anything.

I am glad you have had a lovely day.

I'm off to play with this ball of wool now

Love you xx
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Unread 03-02-2017, 05:23 PM   #5209
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Oh, Tryn, hope you are having happy birthday dreams tonight. Again, by time I got to the post office, after stuffing a chocolate birthday cake in an envelope, the frosting had dripped out all around the edges and the postman said, no can do. I tried to explain to him that I was a "mum" and had baked it ever so specially. He just told me, better luck next time-and suggested that I just send my very best and loving happy birthday greetings via email. So, here I am sending my very best and loving happy birthday wishes to you.

Glad that you had Rolo to help you celebrate the day. I, too, am glad that you were born and are a part of this family. Happy Birthday, young'n!

Love, hugs, and scritches to Rolo too!

"mum" nan
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Unread 03-03-2017, 05:46 AM   #5210
Tryntryagain
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Goo morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Millie our letters must have crossed in cyber space, thank you so much. I feel you with me each and every day. My brave dearest Alexis, each morning i get up i go "to the shops". I go to the same shop every morning, it's called "Addiction Survivors". Each morning i stock up on courage, love and hope. They never run out of love. Ohhhh Nan, my surrogate Mum, how wonderful to hear from you. I notice our gorgeous Sam asking after our dear Jenm. How is she Mum?

So today is the day. It is 9.21am in my dear ole Blighty. It is horrendous out there. The ole fella and I already soaked. It's just the sort of day to have an assessment.

I think only our dearest Alexis could truly know how utterly terrified i am as she knows what is going to happen this afternoon. So physically i am trembling, (i have a long wait, not until 2.40pm) i have a long way to travel, i will be gone for 4 hours the ole fella already picking up on my nerves....(he won't leave me alone bless him)......anxiety ...........

.....STOP!....STOP!.....STOP!......

Today is what i make it.

Just like the compliance interview, take it as it comes. I have done many of these before over the years. The difference now is that the goalposts have moved. Almost daily the law is changing. In the last 4 weeks there has been discussion in Parliament about these assessments as they are widely considered not to be fair.

So what? It's happening at 2.40pm today....deal with it. Simple as that. Rolo will have to be here on his own for 4 hours, welp, he will be fine. I will make sure his been out before i go and he has free run of the place. I just hate leaving him.

So i am not ignoring todays importance, how could i?....it is my income, however there is jack shit i can do about it until 2.40pm.....so what am i doing this morning?

I now have 4 meetings next week. All lovely meetings discussing my ideas with various agency's, Each only lasting 2 hours, all local, (with offers of lifts for me) all on different days. How lovely. I hopefully have Schmoo and Aaliyah coming over this weekend so have got some scrumptious food in. As i said the other day the ole fella is booked in next week for his MOT, my little home is tickety boo......dear Milan sent me the most extraordinary birthday card yesterday that made me cry and feel so very loved......

Life....today....is bigger than Tryn, assessments, dodgy health, outcomes and motives.......it is simply life. I am in fear today, yet i accept it. I know it is a feeling and i know why i am feeling it. It is ok to feel it. I just will not let fear frighten me. Not anymore. Alcohol was never far behind when fear crippled me.

We say and share top quality stuff in this family. Things like "it is what it is"..."think through the first drink"...."keep it simple".....the list goes on. For me there are times when those sayings "come alive". It is their time to do their stuff. Now i allow that to happen. My choice.

Now 9.41am, i shall keep things simple, i accept it is what it is, and i will most certainly think through the first drink should the need arise. I doubt it will. I am ready if it does.

Wish me fairness and have a grand day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-03-2017, 06:30 AM   #5211
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My dearest Little Brother, I think this is so profound:

Life....today....is bigger than Tryn, assessments, dodgy health, outcomes and motives.......it is simply life. I am in fear today, yet i accept it. I know it is a feeling and i know why i am feeling it. It is ok to feel it. I just will not let fear frighten me. Not anymore. Alcohol was never far behind when fear crippled me.

That's really beautifully put. Feeling the emotion, knowing why, accepting it, but not to let it cripple us. Thank you for that.

I'm so glad Schmoo and Aaliyah will be visiting! What a fabulous present that is.

You're making so much headway with your project. I'm very excited for you and those that you will ultimately help.

Please update us on the meeting when you can / want.

Many hugs to you and skritches to our dear Rolo.

Big Sis
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Unread 03-03-2017, 06:56 AM   #5212
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Good luck today Tryn, yes i understand the fear. I also shook visibly when it was my turn i hope so much you are more successful than i was.

You are showing me how to be a better person and deal with my problems. THANK YOU.

I love you and wait patiently to hear from you later today xx
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Unread 03-03-2017, 07:59 AM   #5213
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Big hug and good luck! thinking of you on this crisp pretty morning.
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Unread 03-03-2017, 11:25 AM   #5214
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Tryn, You have the right attitude for another sober day. Good luck.
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Unread 03-04-2017, 01:18 PM   #5215
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My wonderful Big Sis Nancy, my dearest Alexis, my dearest Lost Dog and my dear R Lee, thank you for your thoughts and love.

Ummmm.......i am not the happiest of bunnys right now.

I have requested my assessment be recorded. (I have done this many times before), i received a "courtesy call" from the DWP last week to confirm that would not be a problem.

Feeling physically sick and just like our dearest Alexis trembling like a leaf i set out on the 2 hour trip on foot and buses through the pouring rain to my assessment. I arrive 15 minutes early, dripping wet and announced my arrival by talking to a machine on a wall. I was buzzed in and the door to open was unusually heavy.

A small waiting room, no one there and a DWP officer behind a counter. Very young, i would say mid 20's, polite.....and full of shit.

"Ahh...Mr Tryn?....Not very nice out there is it? We have an issue."

"Oh how so?"

"We don't have any recording equipment!......However if you want to just crack on with the assessment without it recorded not a problem"

"WHOOOAAAA....WHOOOAAAA....This better be a very bad ****ing joke mate"

"We can book you another assessment when we have recording equipment?"

"Nah....nah, no, now tell me this is a joke. I was rung by the........

He stopped me and said.....

"Yes!....that was me!"

He had no idea what hole he just dug.

"So let me get this right. You....you personally rang me last week to confirm you had the recording equipment and that recording my assessment would be fine. For whatever reason you do not have it now, AS you had rung me last week.... AND this assessment time is 2.40pm, can you tell me why you did not ring me to re-book an assessment when you did have the equipment?"

"We can see you again within 2 weeks?"

"Hold on, i need minute here". And i took it. I sat down and thought. After a little while i stood up and approached the counter and simply said,

"Do you expect me to swallow this shit? I mean you are expecting me to believe that this Government department A) does not have any recording equipment here, and B) you "forgot" to ring me? Come on pal, you got to get up earlier in the morning than that"

Realising there was little he could say, tried to put the blame on me by saying that i could still have the assessment, just not recorded. He said we "rarely record assessments".

Frankly he is talking to the wrong fellow. I know far, far more about this shit than he ever will. It is EXTREMELY common to record the assessment as if it does not go your way, it goes to appeal. Those tapes....vital.

So i told him to shove it were the sun don't shine, and got a jolly good soaking for my troubles again on the way home.

What can i say?

Schmoo rang at lunch to say she couldn't come this weekend which i was so looking forward to. Never mind.

So....."nothing to see here. Move along folks". I will have to do it all over again when they get their act together. (It is supposed to be the client that can't get their act together)

So i am feeling pretty low. I am so mainly out of exhaustion. Anxiety is oh so very tiring.

These are days that happen to us all for as many reasons as there are us. I am with the ole fella, my home is warm, i am not a happy bunny...yet.......i am a very, very lucky unhappy bunny. It will change. I will make sure it does.

Having a cosy Saturday my lovelys.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-04-2017, 02:38 PM   #5216
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Tryn, I'm sooooo sorry. I don't even know what else to say.

Hugs to you.
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Unread 03-04-2017, 06:05 PM   #5217
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Please don't let it overwhelm you. I'm so sorry. They make me so mad. I think it's chaos. Stay safe and know that things will look up soon. Remember I will be here thinking and caring about you.
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Unread 03-04-2017, 06:09 PM   #5218
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My dear Little Brother. I have no words. Just hugs.

Your Big Sis.
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Unread 03-04-2017, 09:16 PM   #5219
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That's really really crap.

Although, the way you retell it is priceless!

Hugs to you Tryn
Xxxxxxx
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Unread 03-05-2017, 10:15 AM   #5220
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I see you up and about this morning, so wanted to drop you a line and know that you really are strong and capable and a gentle soul. I really want to see Rolo wearing a blueberry coat.... take care today, time for rest, wandering with Rolo and capturing the sounds of nature if you can for just a small moment.
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Unread 03-05-2017, 11:34 AM   #5221
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Tryn i love you, im sorry you are going through crap with your ESA too. You give me strength. xx
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Unread 03-05-2017, 12:06 PM   #5222
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Tryn, Is there a way you can take your grievance to someone higher up that the people you are dealing with?
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Unread 03-06-2017, 06:28 AM   #5223
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Good morning everyone, bright blessings to you all.

Yup....sucks doesn't it? My dear R Lee, a letter of my experience of both the compliance interview followed by a botched assessment is as i write, winging its way to the appropriate desk. I don't ever intend to muck about in anything i do.

My dearest Alexis, together we will get through this period of time. I mean today, what's going to happen? When will be the next appointment? The young fellow on Friday that was full of shit said, "within 2 weeks"....yet he's full of shit. Who knows eh? Will the letter i have written to them make things harder for me?....i dunno.

That side of me is proper frightened so it is. It is 9.50am on this "i am fed up of this ****ing weather" dear ole Blighty Monday morning. I should have had my 8.30am session with my dear Milan this morning......yet it has been pushed back to midday, so you can imagine how excited i am!

It has been as the fellow is in London, (he is based in Sheffield) and today is the day he settles into an office he will commute to once a week to do his stuff. How fancypants is that? I'm absolutely over the moon for him. I can't wait to tell him.

Tomorrow at 10am i am off to an office myself. I have a meeting with that really inspiring fellow called Scott who is a communitys person, (his title contains Communitys) and PHE which is Public Health England, and they are the lot that deal with Community health services. My ideas of how to empower vulnerable folk in the community they have got wind of, hence the meeting.

How exciting!

On Thursday i have a meeting at midday, in the local community centre with the adult education lady, for precisely the same reason. On friday at 11am, a meeting with the residents association, again....the same thing....

How exciting!

The dear ole fella is off to the groomers and then the vets, you know how i feel?.....inside just so strong. My health is not playing ball right now. Downstairs, breathing still a big problem. Elbow not to bad at all, ****ing ribs.....grrrrr....they take forever. It takes me 30 mins to get my leg ready for action, and i feel.....just fine.

I CAN NOT WAIT.......for tomorrow morning.

How exciting!

I also have a personal plan.

Just like our dearest Alexis, i may find myself with the income i get being considerably slashed. Ok....life's not fair, what's the best way forward to prepare.

I am going to redecorate my little home! Yup. I get the benefit i am allowed tomorrow, (handy for the meeting) and after the meeting i am going via the paint place, i have chosen my colours, (hazelnut for the walls with butterscotch cream gloss for the wood, lilac in the bedroom and i paint my own designs in the bathroom). I have worked out it will cost £75......It is Spring. Like The Tale of Two Citys....."it is the best of times, it is the worst of times". The positive hug of freshness, cosyness and colours, the very act of achieving it worth $750,000.

How exciting!

Sope, meeting > paint shop > taxi > home. Bob's yer uncle. I will take my time, (the Great Man taught me that........God he drove me ****ing mad so he did. If we bought something and...as there are...screws in 1 bag..nots and botls in another...blah,blah, blah....he would get them all out and count them and tick them off from the piece of paper....oh jeeezzeeeee it would me up.

It could actually be my epitaph....

Here lays Tryn, "look you're not helping. Let me do it"

A jolly good natter with dear Milan will iron out any creases that are troubling me. Most of it will mean, of course it troubles me, it is about dealing with it, not defining it. It is really hard sometimes.

I hope i have managed to communicate that i am in top spirits if not particularly in top physical shape.

I will not allow the parts of me that are frightened....like our dear Lost Dog said, "overwhelm me". I also will not let excitement go to my head. Being "calm" for Tryn is akin to raising the Titanic, such is the task.

If me lungs worked.....i'd swim down and raise it meself.

How exciting would that be?!

Have a wonderful start to the week.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all
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Unread 03-06-2017, 09:23 AM   #5224
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you are a strong, clever, passionate man Tryn. Thank you for helping me so much. I love you lots.

You have an exciting week!! Look after yourself! xx
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Unread 03-06-2017, 11:00 AM   #5225
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How was your chat with Milan? xx
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Unread 03-06-2017, 03:06 PM   #5226
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Your attitude is so inspiring. I know you have frustrations and a breaking point like the rest of us, but I love how you are able to weather so much and keep looking forward. Thank you for your continued support and presence here.
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Unread 03-06-2017, 09:26 PM   #5227
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your excitement is exciting, it really is and glad to see it, thank you! Just checking in for the day.
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Unread 03-07-2017, 10:19 AM   #5228
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Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Ohh really.......you are all such darlings.

My dearest Alexis, My dearest Millie and My dearest Lost Dog, how so dreadful loving and sweet you are.

Yes dear Alexis, cracking session with Milan. We work so hard. It is an empowering relationship for both, swamped in good chemistry and challenging issues dealt with purpose for main course....and solution for puddin'.

I am just back from the meeting this morning. Ohhhhh my goodness......what a wonderful, wonderful morning.

It was nice to "be back home".

The folk that were there totally engaged, 1 saying they felt as if they had "known me all their life". There is a 2 day course 1 of them is running at the college. He is a fellow that works 1-1 with isolated folk, it has taken him a huge effort to get this course up and running and he has invited me to come along on the 2nd day in the afternoon to give a "motivational talk". Oooo......yes please.

Public health England chappy is very keen to expand "green prescriptions". It allows GP's and other community health providers to give a prescription for swimming, camping that sort of whatnot, cracking idea. They would like to see if i could develop that idea within a peer to peer support structure, essentially "doing it for ourselves" yet with FUNDING! So the peer to peer support group decide to go camping for the weekend, "they" would pay for it from community funding. I talked about pushing the criteria and boundaries for community funding, that generated another meeting.

The DWP......we all agreed......the elephant in the room. Even the DWP. Somehow, we need to build relationships on a local level with the DWP. They are up for it, how do you strip away two generations of total fear from the claimants? That generated another meeting.

Thursday the adult education lot.......i am in utter heaven. For sure i am.

They were so sweet when i turned up. Boy was Tryn out of puff! They got a nice chair for me, a nice sweet cuppa, and when i got me breath back, i think they found out why i needed it so they did.

My gorgeous Sam told me on my birthday i was still a young man, health issues and the like. That i was blossoming into my prime....growing...learning and spreadin' it about.

By jove the dearest fellow in LA may be right. One can but try.

Our struggles will never define us, our achievements will.

Dear ole Rolo doesn't know quite what to think since i got home. I should have called him "fetch" so much he does not know whether he is coming or going! I have had calls, e mails....it's all quite wonderful.

I just want tomorrow to come quickly.....i want the next meeting! I have stored up alot since the Great Man died.......time to stick my nose into other peoples' business and empower them.

I can not, or rather i do not have the time to "worry about my health". If i get there, i'm fine. I can manage that. All i am engaging with know i'm not in the best of health. I do not need to "hide" anything. It is soooo nice to do this work without having to hide something. THAT, empowers me.

The rains are coming in again from the south west. Time to give the ole fellas bones a shake and take him for an afternoon meander.

Ahhhh....happy day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-07-2017, 10:26 AM   #5229
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wow Tryn so much good is happening!!! Im so happy and proud for you.

But remember to enjoy the moment, you say you want tomorrow to come quickly, enjoy today, bask in your achievements you deserve that!

The green prescription sounds bloody brilliant. I wish i could be with you for meetings and talks...

Love to you and Rolo xx
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Unread 03-07-2017, 11:29 AM   #5230
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Hey Andy!

Great news on this chilly LA morning. Nothing like the English Chill, yet it is, for us, brisk.

Any case.

Wonderful news of your day! You speak of your elation due to "not hiding" things. Oh Tryn', you couldn't be more on the mark. In AA, one of the more common aphorisms is, "You're only as sick as the secrets you keep." Hiding the various pieces of our lives causes whatever is being hidden to fester, and ultimately to ruin. Certainly did in my life. I had so many secrets, and I was so sick because of them. So pleased that YOU have stopped hiding things.

Yes sir, you ARE blossoming; you are stepping directly into your prime. You have power, Andy---the good, purposeful kind. So delighted that you are using it for good!

best to you!

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Unread 03-07-2017, 04:15 PM   #5231
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I agree with the others. Hugs, Tryn!
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Unread 03-07-2017, 06:48 PM   #5232
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I am just so proud of my Little Brother. So very proud.

"Our struggles will never define us, our achievements will." Well said and you're doing that times 100!

Biggest hugs for you and skritches for dear Rolo from your Big Sis.
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Unread 03-08-2017, 10:26 AM   #5233
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Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Alexis, of course you are right. However, i am not only an alcoholic, i am an addict. I want more and more of something that "changes my mood". What i am trying to achieve at the moment is a good, pure and honest endeavour. I feel it in my bones and my passions i hear banging on the door of my heart. My dear Alexis, we meet everyday, and we talk everyday.

My gorgeous Sam. Brisk my dear friend?.......chilly.....in LA?........time to pop something on over those shorts fella. ......Cor......."the English chill" indeed. The only reason i am as strong as i am is because i have spent my life with 48 coats on. When i turn up for these meetings, by the time i have taken off rain gear, then coats, scarves, gloves, leg brace, walking sticks dropping this way and that, raindrops off me landing all over the meeting table.....so my usual opening gambit of......

"Sorry about that. Now how can i help?"

Folk that have never met me do not know quite what to say in the instance, those that know me laugh, and those that have "heard about me", got what they expected from the orff!

The English chill!

I just love what you said about hiding and secrets. It was exactly what i was getting at. When one is ill, one does not know how ill, until they get better.

Often addiction is talked about in terms of "shackled"....."holding back"......"tied to".....for sure we feel it as we go through active addiction.....we feel all those things. Yet to sit down in those circumstances with sobriety under my belt, i feel so, so, so free.

I will try and show what that looks like.

As you know i spent a few years going around my dear ole Blighty giving speeches to all sectors of society conferences. All the time secretly drinking.

I pulled it off folks. So i did. I juggled it surprisingly well. Ooooo, speech at 10.30am?....oookkaaayy....i'll get up at 4am........drink till 6.30am.......bath, suit.....teeth.......breath.....go......

It was a ****ing nightmare. The constant worry of the "whiff"....at 9am in the morning, with a "this is what you need to do to empower addicts speech" to do......ridiculous.

Oh do not get me wrong, everything came from my heart, just not all of it.

Now i do not prepare for meetings. At all. I feel so comfortable in what skin i have left, i am bombastic, eccentric, yet in my projects i manage to weave that into professionalism. I believe my approach is different, refreshing and knowledgeable to professionals who are used to being bored shitless.

Now, when i leave a meeting and i appraise in my head, i say....

"I did a Sam. I told it..as it is".

We have found gold, silver, we have found diamonds and so very many precious metals and gems on this crazy planet. There will be a mountain somewhere yet undiscovered that is just full of Sam.

Thank you my dearest Millie. What i could do with a weekend in your log cabin! Rolo would lurrrvvee it!

Awww my wonderful Big Sis Nancy, that means alot to me. I am back from a meeting today, more of the same. It is just so nice to really know others feel i can help.

Now then....i need ALL of your heads together. I need some ideas. I need to do a "flyer" to advertise the start of a new peer to peer support group. It needs to be "punchy" the sort of thing that makes you look and go..."whats that?" and pick the thing up. Has anyone got any funky one liners to advertise a new peer group?

I've gone blank.

Anyhew, reallllyyy excited about the adult education lot tomorrow, although i have to say, today was more of a struggle physically than i hoped for. It's hard work folks with the ole breathing and whatnot. Rest this afternoon, last meeting tomorrow, Rolo groomed on Friday....paint delivered for the weekend.

Life.

Isn't it wonderful?

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-08-2017, 11:15 AM   #5234
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Sounds like a brilliant few days Tryn, you make me feel lucky to know you and be alive with your positivity, its infectious.

Hmmmm punchy line for flyer....ill have a think!!

Love you, enjoy the rest of your day xxx
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Unread 03-09-2017, 07:52 PM   #5235
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Tryn, you say you are an addict about changing your mood, but everyone does that everyday. They go to work and set goals and deliver the work and like to be praised and rewarded after achieving self satisfaction. We can't just twiddle our thumbs, we distract and do positive things for us and others. I wanted you to know that you are a positive influence and an addict sounds self degrading to me, so I just wanted to tell you what a wonderful person you are helping others. I'm kinda outspoken today, so in no way do I ever want to offend anyone, just some thoughts popping up...
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Unread 03-09-2017, 09:05 PM   #5236
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Hi LD!

At the risk of ruffling a handful, or more, of angry feathers on lots of people, which is so not my intention, I gotta say that you have re-introduced a subject that has been discussed here several times in the past, and sometimes with ruffled feathers flying every which way!

Always interesting though.

So, thanks!!

Anyway. Here's the dealio.

Should a person who's lived a seriously dependent, even "addicted" life using "addicting" medications, legal or not, for year after year, be labeled an "addict?" Or, maybe, even more descriptive, a "drug addict?"

What else can one be called? "A life dependent on medications?" A "substance abuser,"? Yuck! To me, that one sounds wrong. Both do. Fey, if not altogether sideways.

Of course.

I DO understand how stigmatizing can hurt...and demean. Any negative label can be "stigmatizing," about anything, and altogether is a really crummy deal.

On a personal level.....

As long as a person listens to me (tall order, I know), I (personally) don't object to being called an addict......as long as the emphasis is on the Past Tense of the journey. Any implication that the addicted life is my current state, well---I hate that. I'm embarrassed and I'm angry. Should say that, I'd GET angry, since, this far, that has yet to happen to me. Not to my face, anyway.

Bottom line.

LD, the bottom line is that last part you emphasized, the part where you noted just how wonderful Tryn' is, despite the fact that he calls himself an "addict."

Tryn' IS a "positive influence," as you so graciously noted.

Clearly, labeling oneself an addict CAN be self degrading. You're 100% right about that. To think of oneself has just another street worn dope fiend is, as you so ably suggest, a self induced horror---and, once you're OUT of that life, plainly wrong.

So long as I am, in reference to my drug abusing days, in the Past Tense of my use...and so long as what I now do with my life and the time I have left to live it, I'm really okay with being called an addict---as long as it's just one part of the story. There must follow that second act, in order to know who I really am.

Same with all of us, so I believe anyway.

Ok LD, apologies for making more of this than I expect you intended. Moreover, I sure hope I made, at least, a smidgen of good sense. And if not altogether good, I hope I was clear! Ha!

best,

sam b
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Unread 03-10-2017, 11:45 AM   #5237
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Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Rolo's legs went underneath him this morning. I rang "vets for pets"....i have been waiting all day. I rang a "come out vet", i don't have £80. I had £67.44 in my account. They said they would "come and have a look"....nothing yet.

The ole fella has been laying with his head on my knee...no pain....just in his eyes. I have only just got to know the dear ole fella. Please no.

Please no.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to my dearest Rolo, loveness to you all.
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Unread 03-10-2017, 11:54 AM   #5238
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Oh no. Please keep us updated when you can dear Little Brother.

Keeping good thoughts in my head and heart.

Hugs and skritches.

Your Big Sis
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Unread 03-10-2017, 12:10 PM   #5239
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Oh Tryn.

That is so frightening. I am sending all my love.
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Unread 03-10-2017, 12:39 PM   #5240
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Tryn, Sorry about Rolo. I hope you get good news & have many more days with him.

When we adopt an old pet we must expect & accept that they not be with as as long as we want them to be.

Lots of HUGS at a tough time.
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Unread 03-10-2017, 12:47 PM   #5241
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Oh Tryn, Tears in my eyes for you both! My heart is with you!

Love and lots of hugs for you and dear,dear Rolo!

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Unread 03-10-2017, 05:06 PM   #5242
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I just saw your post Tryn, just know that whatever happens Rolo is very grateful for the life you are giving him now. You are doing the best for him. I hope he will get better soon and I'm praying, thinking, wishing....anything I can for your heart to endure this and for Sweet, lovable Rolo's body to mend.
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Unread 03-10-2017, 06:23 PM   #5243
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Good evening everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Thank you....thank you for coming here today.

It was on the way home this morning. We todder off down a long flat path. We cross over the dual carriageway, and do our stuff on the waste ground. On the way back we "leg it across the dual carriage way"...onto the central reservation....walk another 200 yrds along it....and leg it onto the verge which joins the flat pavement again. When we are back on the pavement, i let him off the lead....and he potters on his way home.

As long as i live i will never forget the look on his face.

"Gooo on than ole fella!....." i said..... He is not a small dog, and he has a handsome backside that would cause tsunamis should he chose to swim. His bottom just "went on him".

He was about 20 yrds infront of me, he looked like he was going to sit down, yet did not want to. The ole wreck that he is, turned towards me, his big bold neck did all it could to say..."Tryn?....can you help me out here?"

I came towards him as fast as i could, he sat panting....."what are we going to do?"

My Rolo, bibbly, bubbly boy....can you move? Come on fella....MOVE!!!

On a good day we had 2 mins to go. This was not a good day.

In an instance.....our dear ole Rolo got old. Right there...right ****ing then. I sat on the ground with him and talked. It gave him what he needed to get home. I think how hard it was for me to get up, and making him a part of that, gave the ole fella a reason.

A "vet" came round, took all my money and told me he was old. He has dodgy bones and whatnot.

No shit Sherlock.

My dear R Lee, yup he was indeed an ole fella when i took him on. I suppose in a way i set myself up for it, i adore him as much as i adore you.

However.....

He came to me the other night and asked....now he's coming to his last meander....can i have a tattoo?

Absolutely not!

First......you have to have the muscals...then the scissors to cut the sleeves orrff yer shirts.

Rolo is walking around our home now as i write. Rolo's "daily exercise" is no more. We are going to become closer and closer, i know my dear R Lee, i took on a pensioner.

I am so glad i did.

What a day. I will never forget the look on his face. He will get sooooo fed up of me telling him.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all
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Unread 03-10-2017, 07:31 PM   #5244
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Oh dear Tryn, So glad to hear from you! I can feel the fear that you felt when Rolo went down, and how lovingly he looked toward you for help. Indeed our pets are absolutely family to us! What would they do without us, and what would we do without them. I tell you what I do is cry and cry. Yes, I do. Right now tears are streaming down my cheeks thinking about Rolo. He is such a good boy and has brought so much to you. That will always be a part of you, yes it will. So his pattern will have to change a bit, something very familiar to us "seniors". Doesn't mean we don't enjoy the living we are able to do-just that it is different than it used to be. Maybe this will give you some food for thought:
http://thebark.com/content/vet-advic...dogs-arthritis

Snuggle nicely with your Rolo tonight, and sweet, sweet dreams to you both!

Love and hugs,

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Unread 03-10-2017, 07:35 PM   #5245
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well, I'm wishing him the best, the little sweet dog,so glad he is not acutely ill. I'm so glad you feel better and each day will be memorable for both of you. I know that feeling very well. May you have a good evening.
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Unread 03-10-2017, 09:37 PM   #5246
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Dear Little Brother, I'm glad, as lostdog said, Rolo isn't acutely ill. I hope you're both sleeping soundly and will have a much better day tomorrow.

Hugs and skritches,

Big Sis
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Unread 03-10-2017, 10:42 PM   #5247
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It takes balls to want to adopt an old pet that no one else wants Tryn. You got them enjoy & take care of your Rolo. He is in good hands. I know you will do the right thing for Rolo & not let him suffer because you want to keep him.
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Unread 03-11-2017, 12:00 AM   #5248
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I'm so glad he seems better. (Does he?)

I've mentioned Charlie before, the very elderly dog we adopted before Millie. We knew what we were getting into, but it didn't make it any easier. And we didn't know him half as well as you know Rolo. He's so lucky to have you.
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Unread 03-11-2017, 06:26 AM   #5249
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

You know?......this family never ceases to amaze. I have read your letters....tears...good tears falling off my face.....the dear ole fella sat up next to me, and i pointed at the computer screen and said.....

"LOOOKKKK!!!!...LOOOOKKKK OLE FELLA!.....Look at all this beautiful love for you!"

He became excited, stood up, turned in a circle and sat down again with his head on my knee.

Rolo says...."fank u wveery...wvery mooch."

It was a difficult day for him yesterday so last night was a close night. He laid out on my bed and i massaged him. (Mum, thanks for the link). He liked that as before long he was snoring like a gooden.

So this morning, 5.45am we got up....he walked slowly to the front door, sat down to attention and looked straight into my eyes.

"How shall we do this Rolo? How far should we go? Will you tell me ole fella?"

Rolo knows i am listening to him, i really feel that and i think it gives him confidence. I no longer feel the need to put him on a lead, (unless near the road).....so i opened the front door the the rising dawn and said.....

"Off you go ole fella.....you lead"

I walked about 6ft behind him to see how he was doing. He has halved his speed overnight, he has now been accepted by the official "OPC".....(Ole Potterus Club)....he constantly stopped to check me, to see if i was "ok" with the new way.

I was. I do not take Rolo for a "walk".....we go out together.

It transpired that we were out as long as we usually are, we just didn't go very far. How very proud i am of that ole fella. As i have been writing, he knows the sound of my fingers in the morning on the keyboard, so trundles off to bed. If i play the piano, he trundles back in to be a part of it.

My dear Mum Nan, i would not be able to put into words what Rolo has brought into my life. I will realise in the future that me and the ole fella met just before the bend in the river of life, and what will ever be precious in my heart is that we navigated that....together.

I am waiting for paint delivery and whatnot. Ive paid for it all....can't wait to be fair. I feel so much calmer these days that a redecorating project, in spring, just totally marvelous. I am pleased that i have chosen to do this.

The Great Mans influence as alive today as if he was actually here. I can hear him.....

"Now....Tryn....for goodness sake....take your time.......preparation....preparation...preparatio n. Where is your checklist....and what have you ticked off so far?"

"Lal?.....i'll tick you ****ing off in a minute......pass me the ****ing paint!"

Now i am older, sober and not in the best of shape. I have actually sat in the quiet, shut my eyes and "watched through" how i see it being done. There is no rush, and yes Great Man......i have prepared......it is not going to be a "chore to be done"........i am going to really enjoy this. Each brush stroke reinforcing my always overwhelming feeling of luck.

I have been given my new date for my assessment...March 29th 2.15pm. I put the letter back in the envelope and "put it away". It will remain there until March 28th. Knowing that our dearest Alexis is in the same boat, i want to be a source of strength, i want to hold her hand and walk together with her through this and show her, we can do it. As Secret Tiger so beautifully shared, at the end of the day, you have what you need to embellish your life, whatever happens to you.

I'm ****ing terrified....yet....there is nothing i can do more that i have not already done. I accept why i feel anxious and i deal with the whole shebang by looking ahead. Whatever the outcome......my life and me with it, will keep moving forward. At the end of the day...."it's just life".

My dearest brother Saint and my dear R Lee, (their love and support in the early days still with me every day)....came up with some shit...."living life on lifes terms".

At the time i thought......

"What the **** are you talking about??......living life on lifes terms....yeah whatever. I don't want to live it on its terms....i wanna live it on mine....you get me??"

EVERY...SINGLE....DAY....OF..MY.....LIFE....."live life on lifes terms" could almost be my mantra now. It creates a different pathway. It also cuts down alot on the number of fights i have to have.

If a martian landed infront of me and said, what is the 2 things that Addiction Survivors has taught you above all else?...

"Think through the first drink"....and....."live life on lifes terms"...

Do those 2 things.....you ain't going to go far wrong.

When i say this family not only saved my life yet empowers me to rebuild, those 2 things are what i mean.

I am worried about my Jakey boy. There was trouble in his prison last night. A prisoner got on the roof, took all his clothes off and set them alight. That caught hold and a fire took hold. They have moved i think about 100 prisoners this morning and i am trying to get through the the prison to find out my boy is safe, and whose involved. As you can imagine it is impossible to get through, just looking at news feeds for now. My girls will drop everything and go down there if they have to.

I had my meeting with the education lot....it wasn't as successful as i hoped. Don't get me wrong, it was fine.....yet "fine" doesn't really do it for me. They seemed to be a bit "away with the fairy's"...anyhew the upshot is i get a shot at talking to their boss, which i have to say would more than likely be a far better option. (At times i felt like clicking my fingers while saying..."eerrr hello?...hellloooo?")

I have a meet up with that lovely fellow Scott on Monday which i am hoping to attend covered in paint.

Everything intertwines and becomes life.

My dear ole Blighty is on show today as England face Scotland in the rugby. Should they win they take every prize there is for everything. They really are brutally impressive, yet Scotty land are no push overs.

My biological Father, (whom i did not know) played international rugby 3 times. I loved it at posh school. I was tiny so was a "hooker". I was the chap in the middle of the scrum to heel the ball back to my team. During a game i broke 1 of my legs, (i was 9)...and when i healed i came back as a "blind side flanker"....cor i loved that.

1 match....snow on the pitch...-2....so the ground hard, the game nearly called off, and the other school we were playing were wearing gloves, tracksuit bottoms under their shorts, T shirts under their rugby top....you were allowed to in those conditions......so our coach says....

"WE ARE NOT GOING TO BE LIKE THEM BOYS ARE WE!??"

("errrr...yes we are.....its ****ing freeeezzzinnggg!)

"WE ARE TOUGH AREN'T WE BOYS??"

("well yes....but.....)

"WE DONT NEED WARMING UP DO WE BOYS??"

("yupp")

Within 5 minutes of that game the cold, was of no consequence whatsoever.

We thumped them.

So when you're a few years older at 13, on a roof in the December trying to sleep in the snow.........sure do remember that coach.....sure do remember that game.

This waffling wiffler needs to waddle off and get on with this new and wonderful day.

Have a lovely day my Loveliness's.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 03-11-2017, 11:58 AM   #5250
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Good day to you guys! Glad to hear things have settled in. So sweet, I knew at the very beginning that Rolo was "sent" to you.

Hope your paint arrived and you have been busy with your redecorating! Tie a paint brush to Rolo's tail-he can help!

We have snow on the ground this morning, hard to think of spring stuff while looking at the snow!

Love and hugs to you both!

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