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Unread 07-06-2016, 07:21 PM   #1
Roadtorecovery
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Angry Been a. While

Hey guys it's been a while , going through rough time decided to stop by , because this place was the anchor of me getting into treatment.

Life is so different. Lost my best friend and love of my life of 22 years to her battle against cancer . She was finally sick enough that they wanted to put her in a facility , I refused told the doctor that I promised her when this time came I would keep her at home where she belonged. One week we went to we 5 out of 7 days. Last time she came home we were going into the house she took one step did a header on the asphalt, we waited until the next morning to go to hospital. They decided to keep her over night and send her home in hospice care the next day. My heart is breaking as I write this. I sit here in tears. But anyway she came home next day, and slept most of day. Either her pain mess we're to high or the bump on her head had an effect. She's convinced every time I leave that I'm not coming back. I try to explain to her that she is the reason I take every breath I take. First full day home she was in a rush cause nurse showed up unexpectedly. While getting undressed she pulled out her picc line. Nurse didn't have supplies to fix it , so we had to run to inpatient hospice to have a line put in. I took her up then went to park the car, by the time I got up there , they had convinced her she was safer to stay there. And we're encouraging her not to eat if she wasn't hungry , and she didn't have to take her reg mess if she didn't want to. After they left room I explained to her hospice was in the business of dying . So we left next day. After about a week , nurse came on a wed morning , my wife started having a nose bleed. A pretty bad one. My wife was complaining she couldn't breath. Nurse told her her oxygen was fine she was having a panic attack. So nurse gave her an Ativan to calm her. She started leaning back , looking out of it, called my kids down to tell her they lived her , and we started to lay her flat. She started jerking and seizing taking like 4 breaths a minute. Nurse started for and called 911 for possible cardiac arrest. Ambulance showed up 10 minutes later , she had no pulse so the worked on her for 15 minutes before they finally got a purlse. Took her toner, when I got there they said they had giving her bar an and she had responded by trying to pull out her tube. But they. Relieve her brain was damaged by lack of oxygen . Her wish was for no artificial life support, so Thursday we pulled the tube but she breathed in her own. I saw her heart rate was like 180 bpm. KNew her heart wouldn't last. We were going to take her home but they were afraid that she wouldn't make it home in ambulance. So we decided if she was stable by morning we wod take her home. Stayed over on Thursday night. At about 1245 am fri they came in S
Asked me to wait outside while they cleaned her up. After about 5 minutes they came and got me. Told me while they were turning her , her oxygen dropped . So I went in saw her pulse was 75 and slowly dropping. So I held her hand and talked to her until
It reached 0. About 1 am on June 10. She passed.

While cleaning the house I found her bottle of Oxycodone . 150 10 mg. I took about 10 set them aside and dumped other 140 in toilet. The absolute hardest thing I ever had to do. Over the next few days I took the 10. I know it was dumb but was the only way I made it through. We had a iv bag of dilaudid , and dropped it off at the police station medical drop box. And threw out her droppers of morpgine. So medicine wise I'm back on track. Bug the rest of my life is in shambles
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Unread 07-06-2016, 08:31 PM   #2
Iamready61
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I am so sorry for your loss...there are simply no words..we are here to support you. Hugs, Cessa Mama Shel
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Unread 07-07-2016, 07:26 AM   #3
NancyB
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OMG Roadtorecovery, I am so so sorry. My sympathies to you and your family. How are your kids doing? As Cessa Mama Shel said, there are simply no words. We are here for you.

Sending hugs to you and yours,

Nancy
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