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Unread 10-20-2015, 07:28 PM   #1
heroingirl
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Posts: 4
Unhappy 23 days clean. Taking 7 subs a day. Need help tapering.

I have been addicted to heroin for 8 years. I am 26 now and after the anniversary of my sisters deaths I threw in the towel so to speak. I had a 3,1 a day habit and went to detox. They were giving me 1 sub a day and I wasn't feeling any better so by day 4 I left with the mindset I have subs in my car and xanax at home. I've been taking 20 xanax a week and I've come to the realization the addict in me is trying to take more subs to get a high maybe. After 3 I'm still in mild to moderate WD and week one was worse so now at day 23 without heroin I've been taking 5-6 a day. They wear off around 5 when I take 3 at 9. So I take 2 more then around 12 I feel the sickness and take one more. Whilst taking bars like candy, originally taking more for the detox but I haven't stopped that behavior. I will be lowering the xanax intake and subs I just need some advice. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE RESPOND AND HELP ME.
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Unread 10-20-2015, 08:11 PM   #2
NancyB
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Hi heroingirl, welcome. What mg of bupe are you taking and are they films or generic tablets? What mg xanax are you taking?

Are you going to any kind of counseling to help find ways to change your behavior?

Sorry for the questions.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 10-20-2015, 08:40 PM   #3
Sam Bailey
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Hey Heroingirl,

You write,
Quote:
"Don't judge or look at my past too hard, I don't live there anymore"
In a way, that raises a small chuckle. Not laughing at you, just sorta laughing---at most of us.

Cause truth is, Heroingirl, whatever it is that you've done, we have done worse, Just as much, at least. And God knows, I've struggled through my own active addiction for longer than you've been alive. Close to it, anyway.

Point being, NOBODY here will judge you. Not once, not ever. No matter what your story is, Heroingirl, you're safe. You've come to a safe place.

The sole requirement here (ok, so there's not really any "requirement" to be an A.S. Member)...the one thing that we do urge you to do, with as much courage and gumption that you can muster, is this: Be HONEST.

So, please, as Nancy requested, tell us more about yourself, from your past addiction history to what (all) you're currently doing to change the "active" part into all "past tense."

You CAN change, Heroingirl. Yep, you can re-claim your life; you can be resurrected, so to speak. Better now than later.

Fact is, it took me more than 20+ years to end the delusion that I was okay being a drug addict. I knew I was SO NOT okay, yet I couldn't/wouldn't stop.

Finally though, I found a way. Ways, I should say. Active Addiction is a now nothing more that just one lone sorry tale from my past. Done right, Heroingirl, this can be your story too.

best,

sam
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Unread 10-21-2015, 10:08 PM   #4
heroingirl
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Unhappy

Quote:
Originally Posted by NancyB View Post
Hi heroingirl, welcome. What mg of bupe are you taking and are they films or generic tablets? What mg xanax are you taking?

Are you going to any kind of counseling to help find ways to change your behavior?

Sorry for the questions.

Nancy
I'm taking 8 mg film subs and xanax 3 mg. I have started going to NA meetings and started Grief counseling for losing my two sisters. I know that I'm still in the mindset of an addict, trying to get High. I justify within myself by saying it's not heroin so it's fine. It's been 24 days today and I started taking more and more originally to get through the detox BC by day 3 on one sub 8 mg I was still in full blown withdrawal and by day 8 I was still so I bought a lot more from someone and since I've had so many on hand I am taking them like candy. I want to lower this dosage now before it's harder down the road. I'm trying to lower them but I end up still taking around 6-7 by the end of the day. I tell myself I'm still sweaty, my pupils are huge, I have minor chills and I just take more. Including the xanax intake. I can't afford rehab and I'm trying hard. I've never even gone this long without herion jn the past 8 years. I just turned 26 and the anniversary of my twin sister passing from an intention speedball OD just passed and my younger sisters will be on the 7th of Nov from a drunk driver. I want to live a healthy life for them including my best friend Christie dying from an overdose and dying in her bathtub 4 years ago on nov 15 and another very very good friend last year in September. I know I'm trying to numb myself from
It all which is what I feel I'm still trying to do.
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Unread 10-21-2015, 10:10 PM   #5
heroingirl
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And thank you for replying. I'm trying to get help anywhere healthy I can get it. Heroin is al I know. From age 17 to now I've never been independent, had my own apt, etc. It's been my boyfriend and what I did all day everyday for these wasted years
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Unread 10-22-2015, 07:12 AM   #6
NancyB
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Hi, sorry to hear about all the loss and heartache you've been through. That's really good that you've started grief counseling, I hope it helps you immensely.

Some of the symptoms you mentioned can be from too much bupe. Especially the sweating. Also, benzos can cause pupil dilation. Maybe knowing a little about the pharmacology of bupe might help with your addictive thinking? Especially that bupe has a ceiling effect. That means once you reach a certain dose, taking more does nothing except exacerbate side effects. That ceiling is different for everyone, but the average is thought to be 8 to 12mg. So you're taking well over the ceiling and would likely be able to cut down pretty quickly to 2 or 3 films a day. Since it's more of a behavioral issue, do you have anyone who can hold the medication for you and only allow you 3 films a day to start? You could even, for now, cut 3 films in half and take the 6 pieces during the day to begin with. Taking the medication once a day is optimal, but you have to start somewhere, and getting down to a lower dose, at this point, might be the firs thing to do.

This Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has helped many people here in learning how to change their addictive behavior thought process. It might be something to take a look at and delve into.
https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

How are your NA meetings? Don't be afraid to try different ones if you're not comfortable at the one you're going to now now. There are also other types of meetings that might help you as well:

Celebrate Recovery
Christian-based recovery meetings.
http://www.celebraterecovery.com/

LifeRing
A non-religious self-help recovery organization for individuals who seek group support to achieve abstinence from alcohol and other addictive drugs.
http://lifering.org/

Smart Recovery
Self Management and Recovery Training. Based on ever-evolving scientific knowledge.
http://www.smartrecovery.org/

Secular Organizations for Sobriety
Self-empowerment approach to recovery.
http://www.cfiwest.org/sos/index.htm

Women for Sobriety
Peer support for helping women overcome alcohol dependence and other addictions.
http://www.womenforsobriety.org/

You can do this. You've made the first huge steps in getting your life back. Just believe in yourself, ok?

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 03-24-2016, 09:53 AM   #7
Iamready61
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Hey!!! How are you doing?
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Unread 05-19-2016, 12:03 AM   #8
freetobe
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Posts: 10
Question

I've read this story and it's very sad and i hope that you are doing ok...it's been awhile since there has been any post on this
Stay Well
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Unread 11-27-2016, 08:47 PM   #9
Rossdal7
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I had a friend who once told me that the withdrawals from Xanax were worse than any of the opiates he took. may he rest in piece
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