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Unread 12-06-2009, 12:29 AM   #51
Wis
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nowhare2turn, get on suboxone already.
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Unread 12-06-2009, 11:50 AM   #52
vhappy
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nowheretoturn, I think your screenname fits your situation well. I hope some day soon it will change to somewheretoturn! I see your frusturation with getting help and see that you really want to get help, but it is not that easy sometimes. I hear adds on the radio to get help but what they don't tell you is that they have waiting list and insured or not it can be very expensive. I had to search hi and low for my treatment because I was going to get it no matter what, however I had the money to do it (thank you Sarah Palin) Alaskan's got 3,000.00 dividends last year. This year when I came for my appointment they found 3 phone calls I was not charged for so with that days visit I walked out paying over 600.00 thank god I had the money.

Just wanted to let you know, hang in there, I hope your Dad can help you. Once you get over the initial fee's for your induction it gets much more doable usually. When I made up my mind to try suboxone it took me about 4 months to actually get everything together and do it. But....I never gave up and I had hope that the nightmare was coming to an end. Of course during the waiting period I had to do what I had to do, so I would not be to sick to go to work.

You have taken the first step, by understanding you need help and reaching for it. I know it doesn't always seem fair when we can't get it as soon as we would like. But like I said DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!

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Unread 12-13-2009, 10:41 PM   #53
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Vhappy,

Trust me when I say I am not giving up. I like you am doing what I have to do to not get sick, but I am not even taking it to the extreme anymore. i dont do it to get high anymore, I take it to survive and keep myself from having the ankle twitches and being stuck on the toilet all day to be honest. I hate that feeling and I can not go through it when I have to work up to 60 hrs a week and have a family to take care of. I am broke anyway because of christmas, and even in my addiction, my kids have always come first which I give myself credit for when others would not. I always make sure my babies got what they need and sometimes even what they dont need before I ever think of spending a dime on those pills. I might get sick without them, but my kids are way more important to me.
I have expanded my search for a dr to a greater distance hoping that this will help me. As I said in previous posts it says that you have to go to counseling once a week and drug screen once a week which is 100.00 how long does this go on weekly before they will give you a lil trust and do it less than that? I still have not had a chance to talk to my dad because of my grandfathers health and I know that he just cant handle this right now. I really wish that there was someone else to help me, and it makes it so much harder because w/my grandmother gone, I know she would sell her house to make sure I was ok, but she has passed so my best friend is no longer here. She is the only one who knows all of my secrets but I didnt think I had a problem when she was here with us, then once she passed it got worse and as you know it took my husband saying something was wrong for me to open my eyes and see it too, so for that I am so thankful. Please keep praying for me and my family. Nothing more that I would like to give myself, husband and kids than a sober mom even though my children do not know about it. I hope that they will be able to see mommy much happier and more energetic. Keep your posts coming because they help me more than anything, the encouragement is tremendous!!!!! Love ya all
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Unread 12-14-2009, 03:15 AM   #54
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I admire you for being so strong in such a situation! You have a lot going on and that must be tough. I cant wait for you to get on suboxone, you will be SO much happier once you are recovering! It will be great, you wont have to worry about the HORRIBLE withdrawals and not being able to work because of them, I know exactly how that feels and boy does it feel good to have that weight lifted off my shoulders. Keep your head up, you are doing great!
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Unread 12-14-2009, 06:37 AM   #55
NancyB
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Hi nowhere2turn, have you checked with your city/town/county or state to see if there are any programs available to you? This link has the D&A information for each state:
http://www.alcoholanswers.org/resour...ohol-links.cfm

How is your husband doing?

Nancy
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Unread 12-26-2009, 02:00 PM   #56
vhappy
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Just wanted to drop in and say HI, hope your Holiday was good! How are things going? Is your husband in treatment? Let us know how you are doing, I hope you are still around.
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Unread 01-06-2010, 07:47 PM   #57
nowhere2turn
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hello everyone!!!! I was gone for awhile, but I am now back. I felt like I kept knocking myself in the head, but I didnt give up. I can say since my last post that I tried to quit on my own about 3 times and was not sucessful at all. I could get past the withdrawals over my new years break from work, but I could not get past the cravings of constantly wanting the pills. I finally broke down today and told my dad my entire situation. I told him that I was sick and that I really needed help before it was too late, but that I didnt have the initial 600.00 that it would take me to get into the program. Thank god that he totally accepted me and told me that he wants to see me get better. That he knows that this is not me, and that if I am willing to get help he will do whatever in his power to get me better. So my intial appt is on Monday!!!! I can not express how excited I am. I only have 3 pills left so I will be in horrible withdrawal by Monday, but my only ? is, do I have to have dirty urine on my first visit when I go there? If so I will have to get more, because I do not have enough to last me until Monday. I don't know how long pills stay in your system, so if anyone can give advice on this I would appreciate it. i know that for your first suboxone you have to be in withdrawal, but Monday is only my consultation, so I will not be getting my 1st script on this day. I will be scheduled for later in the week next week for that if I am accepted into the program. Anyone with any advice is appreciated!!! Thank you all for not forgetting about me. I hope you all had a wonderful new year
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Unread 01-06-2010, 09:41 PM   #58
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I just started my treatment for addiction yesterday. My urine test came back showing that I had oxycotin in my system. They can last in your system for at least 72 hours. But they pretty much expect that when you are seeking help with addiction. My dr. prescribed suboxone on the first treatment and I am happy to say I am doing much better already. You do have to be in withdrawal and trust me it is not easy but worth doing. Good Luck!
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Unread 01-06-2010, 09:48 PM   #59
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Hi nowhere2turn, that's great that your dad is supporting you and willing to help.

The only important thing you need for Monday is to be in mild to moderate withdrawals before you start. Otherwise you could end up in precipitated withdrawals.

Please give this link a read. On page 2 of the pdf is the COWS from which you can gauge your withdrawals.
http://www.naabt.org/documents/NAABT_PrecipWD.pdf

Let us know of any questions.

yzcod209, welcome, congratulations on starting!

Nancy
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Unread 01-06-2010, 09:52 PM   #60
nowhere2turn
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Nancy,

I will be reading the site right away. My question however is due to the fact that they are not starting the suboxone treatment on Monday, do I still need to be going through withdrawal? I thought that this was only for the day that you started the treatment? Im confused. Thanks
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Unread 01-06-2010, 09:59 PM   #61
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Hi again, I think the best thing to do is to call them tomorrow and find out directly from them what is needed. Every doctor does it differently, so there's really no way of knowing without getting the information from them. You might think about asking them if you do show up in WDs on Monday if there's any way you'll be able to get a prescription for Suboxone then instead of having to wait. Explain to them what's going on and that you don't have many pills left and you're trying to not to have to get any more before then.

By asking them directly, then that's something you won't have to worry about.

Let us know what they say.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 01-06-2010, 10:02 PM   #62
nowhere2turn
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Great advice Nancy. Thank you, I will call first thing tomorrow, but cant post anything until tomorrow night when I get off of work! Thank you so much. I think that would work anyway considering that this dr is over an hour drive for me, so that would save me the hour drive two times in one week!!!! Thanks hun
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Unread 01-06-2010, 10:35 PM   #63
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nowheretoturn,
Hooray!!!!I am so happy for you, I knew that when you were ready and the time was right you would do what ever you needed to do. I hope you have a good doctor, and can get a good treatment plan (that is very important) remember it's time to hand it over to the professionals and let them set your course, to ensure sucsess. I am so glad that your Dad was willing to help. Think if one of your kids came to you and wanted help, you would of course want to help them if you could, and I am sure he is relieved you reached out to him, and so am I. You have HOPE and that goes a long ways. Between treatment and this site you will be able to get lots of help and good advice and great support. Your post made my day! Please let us know how everything goes.
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Unread 01-06-2010, 10:52 PM   #64
yzcod209
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vhapppy is right,it is an awesome feeling having your dad stand behind you. it was thehardest thing to do when i told my parents but they stood behind me 100%. My mom made me take the money for my first visit too. having friends and family that will stand beside you while in recovery is very important i think. It was impossible for me to do it on my own, but now with friends and family, im on my way to success. good luck to you
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Unread 01-07-2010, 10:43 AM   #65
vhappy
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Like Nancy mentioned, ask your doctor or whomever you talk to on the phone about the appointment if you can start Monday if you come in and you are in withdrawl. And ask them how many hours you need to go without using before you come in. Every doctor seems to have their own ideas on this. My doctor said 12 hours and that wasn't bad. It really depends if you have been using short or long acting opiates, and how you have been using them. I had been lying to so many doctors for so long, it was different to go in and tell them the truth, but telling them everything will help you get the correct treatment, so don't hold back. I am so excited for you, because you want this so much, I think you will do really well!
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Unread 01-07-2010, 11:21 AM   #66
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One of the things that held me back from starting Sub treatment was worrying about how long would i have to go before they gave me meds ,how much it would cost,(like I wasn't already deep in a hole with Oxys) would I still have withdrawals......well I'll tell you what I'm on week 4 now, I had a little trouble getting the dose right cause I was actually sick with broncitis the past three weeks ....but I am so happy now .....its the best thing I ever did.......I haven't felt this good or this positive about life in many a year............my only regret is that worried to much and that kept me from doing this months ago.....and I am fortunate to have Ins so it costs me about a sixth of what I was spent......even if it cost me the same as I was spending on the street it would still be worth it
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Unread 01-07-2010, 07:41 PM   #67
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Thank you to all of you. Your support means so much to me.

Vhappy
, I dont know why, but it seems like you have been with me since the beginning, and I feel very close to you, and am so thankful for you. I am thankful for everyone, but although I dont know you, I still very close to you.

I think talking to my dad was the hardest thing that I ever had to do in my entire life. I have felt so distant from him lately, but in part that may have been my addiction. I didnt know who else to talk to, and I know with my dad going bankrupt and losing his house and now on unemployment that he doesnt have a lot of money either, so I didnt even know if he was going to be able to help me. I just knew that I couldn't do this on my own, and that I needed the help, because it was just getting worse and worse. I knew that it wouldnt be long before I would lose my house, my job, and more importantly my family. Plus on top of all of that, I was doing things every day that could put me in jail. That scares that crap out of me. As I mentioned before my mother is an addict herself, and I just kept telling myself that I didnt want to wake up like her 18 years from now, and realize I could of done this 18 years ago, and never did, if I was still alive then!!!!! Like I told my dad, this is not me, I have always been the strong one, and I am missing out on life, and so much of my daughters life because of these small lil pills that control my entire life. As I said, talking to my dad was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I knew that I had no other options. I am so glad that I did, and he took my hand and said I love you, and you will always be my girl, and if you want to get better, I want to help you. Of course I cried my eyes out, but felt so much better afterwards to know that he was behind me 100%, and that he did still love me and even though I am a grown woman, I am still his girl, and he does still want the best in life for me.

I have so many mixed emotions right now, and just need to know that I am normal I guess. I am happy and excited about this treatment, but at the same time, I am scared as hell. I am a lil depressed. I know that these will help me so much, but you think about how this has been my life and the way that I am used to living for the past 4 years. Just knowing that your life is going to change majorly is a scare I think. I know that this is for the best and I know that I will succeed, which is not my concern, but is it normal to go through so many emotions when you know that you are going to get clean even though you know that this is the best thing that could ever happen to you?

BTW, I did call the dr today and she said that they could not do the consultation and start the treatment the same day, but that they could possibly get me in the very next day to start my treatment if I was in withdrawl. I assume that means I will need to stop taking my meds Sunday night or Monday morning. I have only been taking what I need to actually not go into withdrawal the past week, not enough to actually get me "high". So that is the update for now!!! Pretty soon, I will have to change my screen name!!!!!
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Unread 01-07-2010, 09:53 PM   #68
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nowheretoturn,

I dont know if I have posted, but I have been following your post, and I just want to say I am so proud of you. I was so scared when I started too, and when I woke up and took my first dose and felt normal for the first time in years, I cried. It was the best feeling I've ever had.
My life started coming back to me, and now it's like it was never gone.
You will be so suprisingly happy. I am so happy for you!

-Lily
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Unread 01-08-2010, 12:18 AM   #69
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Nowheretoturn,
I can't wait until you change your screen name, I am so very happy for you. I really can relate to what you write as it sounds just like me. I pushed it with everything. I got out before I lost it all. I could not let everyone down, by knowing my secret, but could just now live the "lie" much longer without getting caught.I think I have a really good rep, I would have let down so many people in my life, it scares me just to think about it. So you like me, can get out before it happens.

Because you have been brave and shared your story here, and all that you have went through to get help, you will inspire some other lost person that comes here feeling that lost feeling and know that they have hope. I took so much in active addiction, it really feels good to give back in any way.

I totally understand your feelings of being afraid. You are about to make a major life change, and it is always scary when we don't know what is coming at us. You are about to change your life so much, and even though its for the better, it is the unknown. I hope you have a smooth induction, I really think you will. I feel like I almost cheated or something cause mine went to well. I woke up everymorning in withdrawl because I would only buy enough for the day, because everyday in my mind was my last. So going into withdrawl for the induction was no big deal. I just went to bed and my appointment was at 8am and by 9am I was feeling great. I never had any side effets other than smoking more and craving sweets. Everbody has different experiences I hope yours is smooth. Try not to worry, I bet by next week at this time, you will be here telling us how great your feel. I am glad you are here and hope you will share with us all along the way. You will have lots of support! It is so good to hear about you and your Dad, this will bring you closer together and he will be a great source of strength and support.
I'm so excited for you!
Vhappy
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Unread 01-08-2010, 06:15 PM   #70
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Vhappy,

Thank you so much. I am already such an emotional person that I think I will be like lily29 and probably cry. I have cried so much the past few days sharing my story with my dad, and also my sister now. My sister said, why would you think I would ever think any different of you. They have been so supportive and telling me that they are so happy that I want to get help and that they will do whatever in their power to get me better. That is the best feeling in the world to know that even though I have majorly messed up and got myself into this horrible addiction, that they still know the real me and still love me 110%. My dad came tonight to bring me the money and said are you sure you are going to do this? I know that he loves me and wants the best for me, but I also know that at this point, it is probably not the easiest thing to trust me. I know this is something I can only gain back in time. I like you, wanted to keep as many family and friends out of my addiction as possible only because I didnt want them to feel like I let them down. I am so happy to know that I can go back to my normal life soon, and that they will never have to know. Will I ever share my story? I may, and I may not have to. But I can guarantee you if I ever have a friend who comes to me and says hey I have this problem, that I will have a very shocking and inspiring story to share with them to let them know that there is help out there, you just have to want it bad enough. I went back and forth for so long. I knew I wanted to get better and be normal again, but was so scared, because as you said, this is a major life change. I know that I deserve this though, and so does my daughter more than anyone. I know that the subs will work, but for me, I also want to do counseling, and possibly even meetings on top of this website. I know that I can get clean, but I think without the tools to stay that way, that it wont work. I have obviously never had an addiction so I need to find tools to keep me clean and to just change my entire way of thinking if that makes sense. It is so hard to try and focus on just me at times. So a new life will be beginning for me soon!!! I cant wait to get back to life, and be able to go places, and clean this house, lol!!! And do it all sober. I know that everything is one day at a time, but I look forward to so much in the future!!!!
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Unread 01-09-2010, 06:37 AM   #71
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Im still here reading your posts, and Im so happy for you!!!! Good luck next Monday!Deanna
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Unread 01-09-2010, 09:52 AM   #72
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Good-luck, I have been following your post for a while now and am soooooooo happy that you tolld your father and sister even though you were scared! It's all scarey because it's change... and don't worry about work and taking Sub because it won't knock you on your a**. If the headaches continue you may need subutex rather than suboxone because the naloxone in suboxone can cause that to some people BUT lets not get ahead of ourselves. Good-luck and keep us posted!!!!! I'm rooting for ya
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Unread 01-09-2010, 10:16 AM   #73
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I am hoping that I do not get migraines from the medication, but as you said, one thing at a time. I think my sister is having a hard time understanding addiction, so I told her to read about it. Knowledge is power!!!! Before I came to this sight and read everything that I read, I had no idea that I was like so many others and that I was a normal person, just sick basically. I know that my sister loves me, but she also doesnt understand why I cant just quit!!!! I have tried to explain that I have tried, but that once you are an addict for years and years it is not as easy as it sounds. So I told her to read about it and gave her this website even to come to. This website has been a savior to me and I am sure will continue to be in the future. I think on top of all of my other worries, I am scared to death that my husband will not get clean. He did not get into the program we were hoping, so he is still using also, but hopefully him seeing me get my life back will encourage him to want better for himself also!!!!
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Unread 01-09-2010, 07:26 PM   #74
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I understand your anxiety, your life is about to change in a major way. When I look back at it now, I was so afraid because I had been waiting months. I never faltered in my desire for treatment, just was suddenly emotional and a little afraid. Now I look back and it was all so unncessary. I actually should have been filled with excitement as one of the biggest gifts I would ever get in my life, was about to happen. It still ranks very high in my lifes best moments so far. I am so glad that you will have your families support that is so important. Is your husbands family still supporting him? Recovory is so rewarding, I have had my bad days, but they grow farther apart, but can come on so suddenly by the strangest things. But every time I face a new challenge it is another step in my recovery. One thing that I must continually work on, is my emotions and having them and feeling things again. Good or bad. I hope your doctor is experienced with recovery and can set you up with a good plan that will have all the other tools you need to be sucessful. Tuesday will be here before you know it. This can be your last weekend in active addiction focus on that. I had lots of energy because it felt so good to feel like my old self. Only a person who has lived this hell can understand how good that feels!
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Unread 01-09-2010, 07:44 PM   #75
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I was thinking about that today. How this is the last weekend I will be living like a zombie basically. I again, have not been taking meds to get high any longer, only to not go into withdrawal. But then today I was also thinking what if I spend all of this money to get better then next month I dont have the money to go back and get my meds, and I decided that I can not think like that at all. That I have to cross that bridge when I get to it. I have to focus on one thing at a time, and I know that if I dont go on Tuesday, I will be in the same boat next month. I no that by trying I can not do this on my own, and this is the only thing that I can do to save my life. I may lose my house in the process of trying to pay for the meds, but I have to look in the light that I will have my life back!!!! His family is still supporting him, but they are not able to support him financially at this point, so until he can get a full time job, he is kinda out in limbo. He says he is just going to try and do it again on his own starting Monday, so I really hope that he can, and if not, then he will just need to do an inpatient treatment and see how that goes for him. I told him I will go to meetings with him. So hopefully everything will work out, it has to right? My dr is about an hour away, but if he is worth it, then it is worth the drive once a month to go and see him!!!! I just pray that my anxiety doesnt get the best of me, and hoping to find someone go to the appointment with me if for nothing else than just for moral support. Will I be ok to drive home from my first appt?
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Unread 01-09-2010, 09:34 PM   #76
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If they perscribe Suboxone then dissolving it and spitting it out rather than swallowing it will help because I too had that problem and the headaches are horrid! But when the time comes Nancy can tell you all about it
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Unread 01-09-2010, 11:30 PM   #77
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Do you have insurance to pay for your meds? Mine only cost 30.00 a month with Insurance. My doctor does not accept insurance for the appointments so I pay 150.00 a month. Those combined our about what I was spending in a day towards the end. Nancy has info on the free meds program or discount coupons I believe, if that helps any. You have come so far, don;t let anything stand in the way. Your recovery has to be put first in your life. I thought putting my recovery above all else was a little selfish (to only think about me) but soon came to the conclusion without it, I had no life and nothing to offer anyone. I know you have heard this a million times, but it is very essential right now "just take one day at a time" make it one hour one minute whatever works. Don't doubt yourself now you can do this. I wish I could hold your hand and go with you, but my thoughts will be with you the whole time.
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Unread 01-10-2010, 04:48 PM   #78
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My insurance will not pay for the meds without a prior auth from the dr, so I am assuming even with that if it is for a drug addiction, that they will not pay, but I have to try it, but yes any information that you have on helping with the meds would be great. Right now I am looking at 400.00 a month for the dr, drug screen and meds every month, which means I will still lose my house in the end, but your right, without this, I am basically useless to everyone around me. I also have people on my side now that I can not let down, which obviously includes myself. I have to do this no matter what and like I said cross the road of how I will pay each month when I get to it. Otherwise it will weigh me down, and I won't do it. I know this is just my addiction right now telling me that I can't do it, so I need to listen to the old me and know that I can do this and I will do this!!!! Tomorrow is day one, and then hopefully by Tuesday I will be on the meds that I need for my road to recovery!!!!
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Unread 01-10-2010, 05:37 PM   #79
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You have a wonderful outlook! I am so glad to see that you aren't letting your disease talk you out of this. also you neverr know, if you tell the doctor that you are losing your house and have little to no money they may work with you and you can continue to look for a cheaper doctor while going to this one. It's good to always have options! Do you have a hospital where you live that is a school? I have one here and because they teach students there the cost is cheaper because a student sees you but their teacher who is a certified doctor watches over them and he/she writes the scripts but because it's a learning experience for the soon to be doctor students they charge alot less! Just keep looking... I am so happy though that you found a doctor and I swear it's worth EVERY PENNY to get your life back! You will soon see just how worth it, it is!
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Unread 01-10-2010, 06:40 PM   #80
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Hi nowhere2turn, if your insurance doesn't pay for the meds, then you're eligible for the manufacturer's free med program:
http://www.needymeds.org/drug_list.t...&name=Suboxone

This thread has prescription discount cards:
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=12915

Most importantly, please read this link, it explains why you need to be in mild to moderate wihtdrawals before starting Suboxone, and page 2 is the COWS by which you can gauge your WDs:
http://www.naabt.org/documents/NAABT_PrecipWD.pdf

Most side effects you may have the beginning generally subside as the patient stabilizes, and especially with headaches, staying hydrated is key as opioids, in general, can suppress the thirst mechanism.

Here's another thread that has a lot of info that you might find useful.
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=21609

Hope this is helpful.

Nancy
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Unread 01-10-2010, 07:56 PM   #81
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Try to start the pre-authorization tomorrow when you are there. That way if they will fill it, you should already be pre-authorized by the time you start Tuesday. You may be suprised at what they will authorize. I have premara/bluecross and didn't even need the pre-auth. Many insurance plans will cover this. If not, try the links from Nancy. If the pre-auth is going to take longer maybe you doctor can write a script for a few first that you can pay for, while you wait for the pre-auth, needy meds or use the coupon and check around with the different pharmacies, I hear that there price can really vary. You might want to do these things before you go, so you don't have to be in withdrawl and looking for a pharmacy. Some pharmacies will also let you just pay and pick up part of your RX as you can afford it. Could you possible pick up 2 weeks worth every payday? My doctor had a pharmacy across the street. I had to go pick mine up, and then come back to his office with them to do my induction. Thank god I didn't know you could have insurance complications, as I just gave them the script and was able to get my meds within 10 minutes. What kind of insurance do you have? And in what state? someone here may know what to expect. At least you will have the extra money you are not spending otherwise! Try not to worry, you have shown such commitment, and will be feeling much better soon. I am so sorry about the stress of your home and your husband not working. By taking this first step you will be suprised how much better you can handle things. I use to try to just ignore everything, throw the bills in the drawer and pretend they didn't exsist. (NOT A GOOD PLAN) it just made things worse. I cant wait to hear how things go tomorrow.
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Unread 01-11-2010, 02:27 PM   #82
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Hi nowhere2turn,
I have read everything that you have written since your initial post and I can just say that I am very proud of you for taking this life changing step. I have been on subutex for just over two years now and I might begin a taper later this year and then again I might not.

I hope that everything goes very well for you at the doctor. There are a lot of people here on your side. Many of us think that we are "strong" people and that we are "functioning" addicts or alcoholics when all that we are doing is lying to ourselves. I know that I am no good to anyone else if I am unable to take care of myself. For me, taking care of myself includes attending meetings and taking my sub everyday like I am supposed to. I have heard so much of "it is trading one thing for another" but in my opinion it is NOT. I no longer have to chase the demon called addiction whatever it may be (alcohol, pills, etc.) Today I get to be a good mom to my three boys. I do not have to constantly think about what lie I told someone in case I have to cover it up. I do not have to worry about being in legal trouble for anything that I am doing. I am sober. I am happy. Life is still life, and things will happen and people will be rude and everything else, but I have my supports in place and I USE them.

When I talked to my mom about my relapse, I really believed that it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I did it, though. I also felt like a HUGE weight was lifted off of my shoulders. We do not have to be alone in this. We do not have to be superstar, supermoms who think we can handle anything. I am a single mom of three boys and I work full time and also part time. If it wasn't for my sobriety (which I put first in my life) and the people that I talk to for my support, I would be out there chasing that darn high again, and I am eternally grateful that I do not have to do that today. Today. Just today.

I wish you the best and you are in my thoughts!!!
Jenm
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Unread 01-11-2010, 10:05 PM   #83
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Thank you to all of you for your posts. I wrote down the information for needy meds and will have the dr work on that tomorrow. My appt is tomorrow at 3 and I took my last dose of Vicodin today at 8 so I am on my road to recovery. He wrote me a script for ultram and told me if I need it in the morning before my appointment that I can use this. he said that he will start me out on 2-3 8mg tablets a day. So he will start with one possibly two in the office tomorrow and see how I do, and then we will go from there. The initial 620.00 is already paid which includes my first 30 days of medication, so there is no turning back now. Thank god for my dad loaning me that money which I told him I have no idea when I can pay him back and he is ok with that. So I am very fortunate. He said that they will work on the prior-auth but that it is like pulling teeth with my insurance, so that it is probably not going to cover that. All it will cover is the follow up visit every month which is only 50.00, but hey that is better than nothing at this point. So right now, I am looking at the 55.00 a month drug screen plus the 210.00 for the mediciation. So that is about what I am spending right now on pills so to have my life back is totally worth it. My husband said he is just going to do it on his own, possibly a 5 day treatment facitility that we have here locally, but other than that, he said today was his last day too, so please keep us both in your thoughts and prayers. I pray that this is our life and marriage back, and even if we lose our home in the process of this, I have to stay positive and realize that my recovery and sobriety are the most important things at this time. My daughter deserves to have a happy mother back. I know that I have hid this so well from everyone, but I am sure she has noticed that mom doesnt clean as much as she used to or that Im not even as happy as I used to be. She is a very intelligent girl. Sometimes I probably do not give her enough credit!!!! But tomorrow is the big day!!! I explained to my doctor how I didnt want to feel like I was trading one drug for another, and he said that it is not at all like that. I also explained that I dont want to feel high all the time on them. He said that at first, my first couple doses I will feel like I just took a few Vicodins, but then after my first few doses, I will be back to what I remember to be normal for me!!!! This is so hard for me. I thought today, am I ready for this? Am I ready to not get high anymore?? Then I thought to myself, why are you even thinking like this? I know that is my addiction talking, and I convinced myself yes you are ready for this. you do not want to put any more time or energy into these pills or finding the money to get them or people who have them, or any of that. So to sum it up, I am ready to have my life back. I am scared shitless, I can not lie, but I am ready. Please think of me and pray for me tomorrow around 3!!!! Talk to you all soon!!!!
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Unread 01-11-2010, 10:27 PM   #84
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Hi nowhere2turn, I'm glad you'll be starting tomorrow. The only thing is to please try not to take the ultram. Although it is not an opiate per se, it works on the same mu receptors. There are people who take Suboxone because of ultram addiction and I would hate for anything to happen in the way of precipitated withdrawals. So, IMO, if you can avoid it, then please don't take it.

After this month, will you filling your prescription at the pharmacy if you can't get the free meds? If so, then shop around for price and use the discount cards. But we can go over that again when the time comes.

What you and your doctor want to aim for is the lowest dose that stops the withdrawals and cravings. Just be mindful that most people feel some effect within a half hour, but full effect doesn't happen for up to 2 hours.

Hopefully your husband will see how well you'll be doing and want what you have.

Let us know how you're doing tomorrow. We'll be thinking of you.

Nancy
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Unread 01-12-2010, 09:45 AM   #85
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I agree with nancy...don't take the ultram....if you take enough you can get the same buzz...and you do not want to go into precipitated withdrawals! Good luck!
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Unread 01-12-2010, 06:43 PM   #86
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nowhere,
I am at work, but had to check in....how is it going? Can't wait to hear from you! You have a whole lot of people rootin for you!
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Unread 01-12-2010, 07:20 PM   #87
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I am writing to this to somewheretoturn because I don't think that's going to be your screenname any longer! Just wanted to let you know we are all rooting for you and hope and pray that everything goes ok today! I am a work but I just wanted to say how proud of you I am. Let us know how it goes!

-Lily
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Unread 01-12-2010, 08:18 PM   #88
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Can we take votes on what your new screename should be?
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Unread 01-12-2010, 08:49 PM   #89
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Hello everyone!!! I am finally home and able to post to you all!!! I know you have been patiently waiting to hear from me, lol!!!! I am trying to think of a new screen name as we speak,(or as I type rather) so hopefully I can come up with one soon!!!!
So today was my first day of sobriety!!! I did not get the post about the ultram until just now, so I did take some this morning because the ankle twitches were insane. I didnt want to miss any work, but I did call off just because I knew I couldn't focus at work today. I could barely sleep last night at all because I knew what was coming today. So I took only 2 ultram at about 9 this morning even though he gave me 120 which I am confused about and said that I could take up to 6 if I needed them, but I wanted to be in as much withdrawal as possible when I went in because of everything I have read about the subs.
So I took the first 8 mg at about 2 today, and he waited about 5 minutes and since my husband was with me, he told me that I could leave, come back in an hour and then see how I was feeling. So we went, had lunch, and I was feeling better, but not 100%, so he gave me another one when I returned. I can tell you that I feel exhausted. I know that I am having no withdrawal and that I have no cravings for anything which is amazing, but I also feel kind of high in a way. Which is what I thought I was trying to get away from. I am not going to question the feeling, just hope that as my body adjusts to it that this will go away. Not that I dont like the feeling, just being honest, but I want to make sure that I am recovering if that makes sense. I am having so many feelings today that I really need help with.
First of all, other than those of you on this site, I have had so much negativity from people that I know that it is unreal. I know that I have read the links that Nancy has posted about trading one addiction for another and about how today can be my sobriety date, but for the people I have talked to outside of this website, they are telling me that this will not work and that I am wasting my time and money, and that I am trading one thing for another and that I can in no way claim a sobriety date until i am off of the subs. I just feel so depressed right now, I have actually been crying. Now needless to say, these are my husbands so called friends who are addicts themselves and the people who I told to no longer call me due to the fact that I am no longer using, and they are basically my dealers I guess. I am getting my number changed tomorrow though so that I don't even have to worry about these people calling me. I know that people who are still addicts do not want to see me get better or lose me as someone giving them money, so possibly that is where their words are coming from. But I dont get it, even when I was using, I never once would of been negative to someone who wanted to try and get better. I would always wish someone the best of luck and hope that they made it and could get clean. I am hoping that I am just very emotional because this is my first day, but I do feel good. I can not say that I feel awful, but then again, I had no idea what to expect. My husbands one friend was on subs and said that they didnt work, and he is still getting them and just sells them to buy other drugs. So my husband has decided that it is best to just cut him out of our lives because he has it stuck in his head that he can not get better or clean, and we don't need that negativity in our lives. So his phone is getting shut off tomorrow because until he can get a job, he doesnt need it, plus I need all of the extra money that I can get in order to pay for my recovery. So I just dont know how to feel right now. I really need the positive people on this site to boost me back up, because right now, all this negativity has me down, and I always try to be a positive person, but you can be as positive as you want, but negativity surrounds you it starts to rub off on you.
Then as far as my dad and sister, they dont understand addiction, and I know that they said they were behind me 100%, but I just feel like with today being my first day, they would be more loving and supportive, but I can not expect people to be the way or act the way that I would want them to. They have to handle this in their own way also. I just feel like what I really need right now more than anything is support and encouragement and I am not getting it from the people that I thought I really would. The people that I spilled my guts out to, ya know?
Also, as far as my doctor, I didn't know this, but the place I go, he is a primary care doctor, and also a type of walk in urgent care center in a way. I don't know that I am comfortable with him as my doctor. First of all, when I went yesterday, i think the only questions that they asked me were how many pills I took that day and the day before. They asked what type of pills I took and how often I took them and how many a day, and then how long I had been using for. They also asked if I got them from a doctor or illegally. I was totally honest with them, but that was all they asked, then the dr came in, said that I would be good for the sub program, and he would see me tomorrow, and that was it, so I went in today and basically like I said right away he gave me one, then I left came back in an hour and he gave me another and then 20 min later said was I ok to go home, and since my husband was there to drive me, I said yes and we left. I did have to end up taking a klonopin because I do have panic attacks, and started to feel one coming on, so I took one of those. But the amount of money that I paid, only paid for me to have 30 8 mg subs, so basically I took 2 and left his office with 28. So the prices he gave were kind of false because technically if I take 2 a day then I would need 60 a month which would be 420 instead of 210. To top it off, before I left, I asked him how many I should be taking, and he basically said it was up to me. To me that is not normal. That or the fact that they didnt take any vitals or anything. I dont know, but it all seems very awkward to me. He said that I for sure need to take one everyday, but that most likely I will need 2, and if I feel like I need a 3rd one then to take it. Im sorry but an addict needs structure and I am not getting that from this doctor. I for sure can not afford to go and pay another doctor 460.00 to get into the program, but now instead of going once a month, I will have to go and see him 2 times a month if I am taking 2 a day. They have started the pre-auth with my insurance and also I gave them the phone number to get the paperwork started for needy meds which they never heard of, so hopefully I can get some help with this. I don't know, I just expected to feel much better today, and I know it isnt something that happens in 12 hours, but right now, I really need you all here to be honest!!!!!
I am going to go and play with my little girl before she has to go to bed for a few minutes, and just relax since I just got home and got on the internet, but I will check back in with you guys later, I am sure I will have a lot of responses.
Sorry about the long post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Unread 01-12-2010, 08:50 PM   #90
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vhappy View Post
Can we take votes on what your new screename should be?
yes please do, I need some ideas!!!!!
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Unread 01-12-2010, 10:13 PM   #91
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How about Turnedaroundfromnowhere (cute but too long?)

Anyways, I have been reading your posts and wanted to congratulate you on making that big move on getting your life back. You have done the right thing by shutting out those in your life that jeopardize your recovery. Keep up the good work.

I must say, I am not real impressed by what I am hearing about your doctor. I don't know how much vicodin (or other pain meds) you were used to taking daily. I was good for about 4-6 10/325 Norcos and 40-120mg Oxy on top of that daily. My doctor started me at 4mg the first day, 8 the next three days and then 12mg daily. Sounds to me that your dose maybe too much if you are feeling "high". So if your doctor told you to manage your own dose, you may want to reduce it. I am sure that others will chime in here with some suggestions.

The main thing is you are doing the right things. Once you get your dose stabilized you will feel better and can focus on "the other stuff" that comes with this battle. Most of all stay with this forum as I have found it to be the best support group available.

Welcome back!
Jim
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Unread 01-12-2010, 10:42 PM   #92
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MEski-1969

My usual dosage was about 10-12 es vics or perks a day. Sometimes more than that depending on what I could afford for the day and what type of day I was having. if I had more pills, I always used more. And it had gotten really bad the past year. I basically doubled my dosage in about the past 6-9 months. I think that is why I never thought I had a problem, is because I wasnt majorly out of control from what I thought, and I never snorted or injected, and never moved on to oxy's or any other drugs. I stuck with what I knew, but honestly they were no longer doing anything for me the past few months other than keeping me out of withdrawal. If I wanted to get high I would of had to take much more than that. You were taking 40 oxys a day and are only taking 12mg of sub a day? Did I read that right? If so then I think he for sure has me on too much. I told him that on my intial day too that I did not want to be high or feel fuzzy from the medicine that I just wanted to have the withdrawal and cravings go away and have enough to allow me to function for the day. I however have never heard of a dr basically telling you to dose yourself. i have heard of take this and if it doesnt work then call me and we will see what we can do, but never heard a dr tell someone to take what they think they need to take, that to me is insane.
I also do not think that I added to my last post that I signed up for the weekly coach counselor to call me and also am calling around tomorrow to get into a drug counselor. My coach will be calling me this Thursday. I really feel like I need both of those to help me recover. Also I plan on going to NA meetings, but need to find a way to find them in my surrounding area because I can not go in my town, but could possibly go to a town close by. Well I will check on here tomorrow for some more replies about what I am going through and see what everyone has to say. I have to get to bed so I can make it to work tomorrow. I am so exhausted, today was a long day to say the least!!!!
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Unread 01-13-2010, 07:26 AM   #93
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Hi nowhere2turn, basically the best dose is the lowest that stops withdrawals and cravings. Theoretically, you should NOT have been started taking 8mg pills at a time. It should have been done in 2mg or 4mg increments. Most patients will get some relief within a half hour, but it can take up to 2 hours for full effect.

I read in the side effect forum that you were also throwing up.

With the feeling high and throwing up, there's a good chance, in my opinion, that you took too much. If your doctor is of absolutely no help, what you might think about doing today is only taking 8mg and seeing how you feel. If you get cravings or WDs after a couple of hours, then only take 2mg at a time in 2-hour intervals to give it time to work.

As Taylor49 said in your side effect forum thread, it dissipated as s/he stabilized.

The other thing that I would think about is getting a paper prescription from them and shop around for the best prices on the medication. That is if the pre-authorization or needy meds don't pan out. Call around and see if you can get better prices and you could also use one of the discount cards from this thread:

http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=12915

Let us know how you're doing.

Nancy
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Unread 01-13-2010, 10:42 AM   #94
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I tried to post to you 3 times last night and everytime I did my computer shut off. It looks like Nancy gave you some great advice. I was thinking also that you may be on to much. I am sorry that your doctor is not very supportive. I know that you need to stick with him due to finanances. But what he lacks you can get here. Nobody takes the place of a doctor, but everyone here sure has lots of experience when it comes to dosing, side effects etc. When I started suboxone I put my addiction in remission from day one. No more searching for pills day and night, and doing things that I would normally not do, and feeling guilty! From that day forward I started recovery and completley changed my life around. The best thing you can do is stay at this site and educate yourself as much as you can. The more I read the more knowledgeable and comfortable I became with this paticular treatment. I had the same fears as you at first, and Nancy gave me some great advice along with everyone else. Right now you need to focus on recovery. When the time comes to start thinking about tapering, think about it then. I have read about people tapering with very little problems if it is done correctly. You just need recovery time now that is the most important thing! Try not to get discouraged and work through the side effects it will all be worth it! I understand the emotions, you have just said goodbye to a dear old friend, or so you thought...funny how that friend turned out to be the enemy....I hope your second day of your new life goes great, I will be thinking of you....now you have "HOPEFORTHEFUTURE" ,
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Unread 01-13-2010, 04:02 PM   #95
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Nowheretoturn,
I wanted to say to you that I faced alot of B.S. from others who thought that "Sub means trading one drug for the other" Well, those people were CLEARLY uneducated as well as not anybody I needed to talk to. I have a problem with always wanting to tell people things and trying to get them to except things BUT you can't, unfortunatly some people are going to react negativly about your Sub treatment and thats OK because you are taking care of yourself and utilizing Sub as a tool to help with your recovery. This board has been my support and I just quit telling NA/AA groups or friends etc... If you had to take a medication for diabeties would you tell everyone? My guess is no, so just talk to those that you KNOW will understand. I was kicked out of a "support group" for being on SUB... I was also forced off of my medication because the head honcho at my support group told my probation officer that she thinks I am still using because I'm on Sub!!! For a while I let others unfounded opinions and medical advice hurt me and allow me to feel guilty. Well I would have much rather taken Sub anyday than to take some pills and overdose! I also thought at first that I felt high but soon I reailized that I just felt normal and normal wasn't something I felt for so long that it was a high. It will level out though.
I always just think about how, many years ago, people who were depressed or had a mental illness were treated horrible or if someone took a med for it they were deemed "crazy" NOW everyother commercial is for an antidepressant so don't feel discouraged because we are paving the way for people with this disease in the future!
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Unread 01-13-2010, 04:15 PM   #96
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Great post! Isn't it strange how many folks simply pay lip service to the fact that addiction is a disease? Often it seems that even some that *act as though they accept that* seem to set addiction apart from other diseases.
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Unread 01-13-2010, 07:49 PM   #97
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Thank ya Toms
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Unread 01-13-2010, 11:20 PM   #98
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nowheretoturn,
I hope your day went well, if you are still having side effects don't be discouraged, you can always receive support here, and of course keep calling your doctor if needed until you get your dose adjusted to make you feel comfortable. You can do this, you have come so far......let us know how you are doing.
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Unread 01-14-2010, 06:39 AM   #99
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Hi nowheretoturn, as vhappy said, let us know how you're doing when you can.

Nancy
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Unread 01-14-2010, 06:43 AM   #100
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Ditto, I hope all is well!!!!
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