Deanna's taper experiences

[deanna]

Well guys, here I am at 2mg after 15 1/2 months of addiction remission. My cheerleader (Cally) thought I could start my own thread about tapering, so here I am. I started suboxone September 16, 2008 on 32mg, and 2 weeks later went to 24mg, and then have been slowly going down ever since. I have studied alot about suboxone, and Ive learned most all of it from this board, which has been one of the biggest tools in my recovery.
Ive read Sub-zeros posts and threads, Mary's too, and they both have been a big inspiration to me. I never imagined I'd have my own thread about being at the end of the medication phase of treatment......but here I am. So, here's to the New Year, and maybe (ah, heck, it WILL be!) the year I become medication free. Cheers! Deanna

[NancyB]

Alright Deanna!

As Sub-Zero and Mary have been inspirational to you, you are truly inspirational to others. You've shown it can be done – you're a shining example of what to do and how to work recovery.

I can't wait for you to share your tapering stage of the medication leg of the journey.

2010 is going to be a big year!

(((hugs)))
Nancy

[marcofsea]

Hi Deanna,

I'm glad`to see that you started this post. We are so very graced that life is in our reach. Like you, this site and all of those that have posted their experiences, give us the tools we need to live addiction free.

We have people that have been in our shoes, that are willing to hepl us along. I find that there are those that were able to just quit at 2 mg by going several days between dosages. Then there are those, that tapper to very low a dose like 0.25 mg then go several days between dosages, extending the gap between days of taking their dose. But the real truth is that the goal is still the same

I know that those that share are those that care. We are helping each other and learning from each other.

Thank you all

Marh aka Marco

[Cally]

You began at 32mgs and 15 ½ months later you have comfortably tapered to 2 mgs. Just knowing that is an inspiration to people!

Some people in the beginning force themselves to start at the smallest dose possible. They think suboxone works/behaves like their DOC (drug of choice). They think taking a small dose they “won’t get addicted” and other urban legends. They end up suffering, blame suboxone and return to active addiction.

It is so important for all of use to know everything about suboxone so we can take it effectively like you have.

You have educated yourself. You understand addiction. You are committed. You stopped your nightmare of active addiction because of that!
　

[deanna]

Very good point Cally. I have made sure that every time I lowered my dose of suboxone, I never had a bad experience,meaning I never felt any adverse effects. There was only one time, I believe when it was going from 6 to 4 ( Id have to look in my journal) that I felt bad. I then went back up for a while, and then later went down to 4 comfortably. That is the key to using this medication as a tool. The main focus while on this medication should be living your life in recovery and fixing all the problems that led to addiction in the first place, IMO. The medication part just takes its course naturally. I have always treated taking suboxone just like taking a vitamin. Take it in the morning, and forget about it. Live life, enjoy it, and embrace the fact Ive been given another chance. Be thankful for this opportunity. You are a great inspiration to so many(including me!) that living life in recovery is a beautiful thing! Deanna

[deanna]

Hi guys. Does anyone have anything to add to keep this thread going? I go back to the doctors in 3 weeks and will be looking forward to doing a 2,1,2,1 taper.

[NancyB]

Hi Deanna! I'll add something then. lol

This is from Mary's taper - just another way of doing the taper that worked for her and for SomeDayBFree:

http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...6&postcount=52

Mary ~

My physician had made a suggestion to me that he says has also worked well for several of his patients.

There really is no reason to hold to a 24 hour schedule. If Sub doesn't impact your sleep than there is no concern as to when in the day you take it. How he suggested that I drop from 4 down to 2, is to go to 2mg every 16 hour dosing rather than 24 and to stay at that for the most part (obviously, you wouldn't get up in the middle of the nite to dose) until you are completely comfortable with it, then move to 2mg every 24 hours. It works better than trying 3mg, especially if you are trying to come up with any kind of an accurate 3mg dose out of an 8mg tablet!

The first time I was on Sub, that's how I did it and there was no noticeable impact at all. I was patient and didn't hurry it, as I know that you wil also be patient. It probably was about a week or 10 days before I went to every 24 hours from the 16 - and I was fine.

SomeDayBFree

Just something else to think about. I found this - a condensed version of Mary's taper that's pretty interesting:

Hey Brett, for me it has been almost 7 weeks, and Ros a couple more. I feel just great. No PAWS, the little lethary came and went. No cravings. I really feel good, and I put it here somewhere, I think a good word for it is content. Yeah, slow down my friend. You have to, have to get that sleep gig figured out and all that. Sleepy beams to you. -Mary

Hi Tracy, welcome! You can do this. I started on 16mg June, 2005 and ended at 0 on June 2, 2006. 16mgs for around 3 1/2 months, 12mg for around 2 1/2,. Stayed there until (I'm not really that anal, but it's all here, so I'm looking up the dates starting with 8 and under...)
8 starting January 1
4 February 22 (7 1/2 weeks)
3 first week of April
2 for 2 weeks
1.5 for 2 weeks
1 for 2 weeks
.5 for 2 weeks
and done

I felt hardly anything until it got to 2mg. and then it was split half/half during the day as far apart as I could. From 2 and under, I had mild WD symptoms, mainly sleep disruptions for a couple of days a couple of days after the reduction. It was pretty easy for me. The worst for me was to 0, and that wasn't bad either. Sleep disturbances for a few days, restless legs, some chills, goosebumps, but it passed within a week. The fatigue lasted maybe 2, but nothing severe that I missed work or even took a nap during the day. I did exercise, eat right, drink plenty of fluids, vitamins, exercise (did I mention that) and kept a positive attitude the whole time. It was also very cool to have had Ros to do it with, although we documented our tapering journeys, we also kept our minds off of the little things, and we had each other to bitch to. She's a good friend and a great person. I was lucky that we were doing it together.

So, I guess I would say, take it slow. Give yourself to adjust between drops. Ros and I both did around 2 weeks in between to even out. If you need to take a bump up because you feel like crap, don't worry about it. You'll get there. Don't over analyze everything, like if you sneeze, don't immediately think that you're going into withdrawal (I did that once and then realized that there was pollen blowing everywhere! LOL!). EXERCISE - Really important to do whether you feel like it or not. Vitamins, Multi, I took extra B12, and other people have taken extra other stuff. Eat right. Have a good support system. There's another tapering thread on here now. Feel free to post there, there are 3 others who are posting there. Brett is one. It's good to have people you ask stuff to, or just bitch to if you want. Keep your mind occupied. Looks like you've got a lot of that covered with a job and 2 boys!
Tracy, you can do this. Just take your time and think positive. And I'll be here when you need someone to talk to, bitch to, or whatever! -Mary

http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...&postcount=501

This is really exciting to have been alongside you during your journey. You're an inspiration, Deanna.

I'm looking forward to reading your progress, you're going to do fabulously!

Nancy

[deanna]

Cool NancyB!!! Thanks! Thats what Im talking about! Getting this thread going with good taper stories,including the ones from me in the future. I read the ones you posted to me, they are very good. I dont know why I have it in my head that I have to wait a full month on a certain dose to taper, but I do. I guess it kinda prepares me, something to ponder on and look forward to. Mentally prepare myself, I guess. I think I will try the rest of the week at 2, and then go for it on the 2,1,2,1 thing. Betcha I'll be just fine.

Thanks again Nancy. You rock! Deanna

[Bqb247]

Hey deanna...I wrote something about a taper, kind of an involuntary one, I'll copy and paste here...

[Bqb247]

Okay, i've been on sub since Aug. 3, 09. I recently celbrated 5 months clean on New years Eve. BUT.....during my doctors visits the last 5 months, I always had extra sub....and some days, I must admit, I took more than I should have. I would always calculate how many i SHOULD have, and when my doctor asked how many I had left (which he ALWAYS does) I would give him that number. But in reality, I had less. Well, the last visit, i calculated and told him a certain number of pills left, and he only gave me 10, to last 3 weeks! nOW, if I really had that number left, it would've been okay, but I didn't. Long story short, I have had to taper from 9mgs a day, to 4. i was really scared I would have withdrawals, but I haven't. I have felt the same. I think this happened for a reason. I was taking extra pieces here and there, thinking it would improve how i felt...and now i was forced to drop 5mgs, and I feel no difference. So, on my next visit, I will be back to my normal amount of pills, my normal dosing, BUT I think I will just stick to the 4 mgs daily, and save my extras. I am relieved the drop went well for me, but it may not for other people, so...TAKE YOUR SUB AS DIRECTED!!!!

[deanna]

Thanks for sharing that B. I appreciate it!

[packrat]

Hi Deanna,

You are my inspiration and look how far you have come: from 32 to 2 and tapering!

You are gonna do great! Keep this going!

-Packrat

[deanna]

Thankyou Packrat!!! Tomorrow starts my 2,1,2,1 deal. I feel ready. Its only a little drop of .5-right? I havent ever noticed a difference before, so Im thinking positive that it will be the same on this drop too. You know, when I think back to the beginning, I probably didnt need that much suboxone, but everything happens for a reason, and if thats what kept me from using back then, then so be it. all I can tell you now, is I have never felt better in my life.And Im 44!!!!!

[deanna]

I am wimping out. Too much going on this week. Maybe next week Ill start the taper thing again.........

[NancyB]

Hi Deanna, it's NOT wimping out. You have to feel ready to do a reduction. I just read where you need to be there for your son. You keep doing what you're doing for him, and then go back to the taper when you are ready.

You're a good mom. I hope he starts to feel better. Panic attacks are so frightening when they happen.

Just stop calling yourself a wimp, you hear?

Nancy

[deanna]

Thankyou nancy! i appreciate you writing to me about this. he is staying home from school one more day, and we are going to go to the gym together....get those endorphins going to help him feel better!!! he's my buddy, he will make it through all this just fine I believe. Ok, I wont call myself a wimp!!! I have to remember how far Ive come with all of this, and you are right, Im not a wimp. Im living addiction free, and thats really what counts, right?!!!Deanna

[nan]

Deanna, You have said all along that a taper happens when one feels they are ready for it. That is how you have done it so successfully so far. This time is no different-you are not ready for the taper, that is all, wimpiness should not be in your vocabulary at all! So, you just take back those words and say the time is not right for this taper, I will do it when I feel I am ready. Yes, maam!

Nan

[deanna]

Yep, you are right too Nan. I felt like I was ready, but since this stuff happened with my son, I think I'll just wait a bit. Slow and steady wins the race..........

[Bqb247]

Good for you deanna...you're listening to your body and you know its not a good time to taper when stressful things are occuring....take your time, you'll be fine!

[Mary]

Hey there wimp, I mean Deanna. LOL Hell no! You're no wimp. You've been doing this whole gig on your time and how you feel. The biggest thing that helped me was NOT to stick to some arbitrary schedule. Then you end up calling yourself a wimp. HAHAHA

But seriously, you're doing the right thing by doing what you're doing. Family first. Taper should just be one of those things that happens when it happens. Your son needs you. He's a lucky kid, to have a very cool mom like you.

Big positive energy beam hugs to you and your son! -Mary

[deanna]

Hey Mary!!! Hey B! Thanks for stopping by!!! I appreciate everyone who responded to my thread, you guys all make me feel better. It'll all work out when its supposed to, I know it will!

Thanks for the beams Mary!Deanna

[deanna]

Going to the doctors today, and I am going to tell him Im ready for the taper. 2,1,2,1 as I had planned. I feel good.

[NancyB]

Hi Deanna, you go woman! I feel good about your taper too!

Let us know what he says. Hope he's 110% behind you and supportive.

Nancy

[Mary]

I see you're channeling some James Brown there Deanna. Very cool, very cool. You're ready and you'll do a kick job at the taper gig. When's the cruise again? That's gonna be a blast! Big ass tapering beam hug to you! -Mary

[deanna]

Thanks NancyB and Mary! James Brown LOL! I feel good!
It was a good visit at the doctors yesterday, I told him my plan, and he said he thought it was a good one. He still gave me a months worth of the 2mg, so its up to me to do the taper on my own. And he also told me he was happy with the way Ive changed over this past year and can tell that Im gonna make it. He told me not to sweat getting off the medicine(which I know), and that he will always be there for me when I get ready to jump. So I felt pretty good about that visit. He usually doesnt act that interested! So, here we go....my little 2,1,2,1 taper! Deanna

Oh, and the cruise is right around the corner....February 6th

[NancyB]

Hi Deanna, I like your doctor's style! I wish more had doctors like him. So, 2,1,2,1,2,1 you go! You will do great and you have made it already!

I can't believe it's less than two weeks now for the cruise. Time is flying!

Keep us posted on your taper and the cruise countdown.

Nancy

[deanna]

Hi Nancy!! So far so good! What the heck was I worried about! Even though Ive got some stuff going on still with my son and his dad, I am doing good with the taper. Thanks! And 1 week til we say Bon Voyage!

[NancyB]

Hey again, oh, it's only natural to be a little worried, especially because you're worried about your son. You know what I mean, with that being top of mind, you probably were more hoping there wouldn't be any problems so it would be less to think about? That's what I'm thinking anyways.

I cannot wait to hear your cruise stories. I think this is perfect timing too for you and your son to just get the hell out of dodge and relax and yourselves. Plus it's 12 degrees here , I imagine it's not any better where you are.

I'm thrilled for you Deanna!!

Nancy

[deanna]

Hi Nancy! Its like you can read my mind! I think I get stressed out about things easily, regarding my sons wellbeing. I always want everything to be smooth-sailing. Ha! No pun intended! Getting the hell outta dodge sounds good to me! It will be so great to enjoy some sunshine.

[NancyB]

Speaking of smooth sailing, the countdown is ON!!

Woo hoo!

Nancy

[deanna]

Going to the doctors on Monday, Im gonna stick with the 1.5mg for another month. Im most exicted to get my B-12 shot! That stuff does wonders for me. When I was on vacation, I had a couple days in there where I forgot about taking my medicine. Im not sure if it was the fact that I was more consumed with being on vacation, or my brain is healing, or both, but it was cool to know that Im starting to forget to take my sub. I think thats a GOOD sign. Its been a year and 5 months already, from 32mg to 1.5mg a day. Good stuff

[nursejoan]

Hi Deanna;
this does not have much to do with this thread. i just wanted to let you know I just read almost your whole thread "my thread" n and I think your doing great so much of your story reminded me of myself. I think you have done great and know you will continue.

[deanna]

Hi Momofsix!! THANKYOU. You read the whole thing?? Cool! Sometimes I read back to the very beginning and I cant believe that was even me...ya know? Recovery is amazing to me, as Im sure it is to you. Thanks for the post, mom. Have a great day!Deanna

P.S. and I LOVE spongebob!

[Mary]

Hey woman, what's going on? How was the cruise, damn that must have been very cool to get out the frickin' freezing temps.

Give me the 411 when you can. Positive energy beams! -Mary

[deanna]

Hey Mary! Good to hear from you! All is good on my end, except for the fact that Im still laid off...its been 3 months already. Hopefully now that the weather is getting better, work will pick up.
The cruise was awesome! Lots of great memories, thats for sure. Ill definately go on another one someday. Have you ever been on one? If not, You Gotta Go!!!!!!!
Im going down to 1mg starting Monday. So Ill keep you posted how it goes. I didnt feel anything at all last time I dropped, so Ill try this taper next. Thanks for stopping by MaryDeanna

[dawnny]

thats great deanna, that you are on 1.5 mgs. you are doing awesome. Glad your cruise was fun. you deserve it. Hope you find a job soon, you will, weather is getting nice, you will find one. Just wanted to tell you you should be very proud of yourself.

[deanna]

Thank you Dawny! You know, with spring coming, Ive had a few instances where a beer sounded really good, but its a lot easier this year to get it out of my head than last year. All I do now is remind myself that one beer will lead to two, to three and then Id feel like crap... On the 16th of this month(a few days away!) will be 1 1/2 years for me. Even though I havent had any problems I still appreciate you coming by and saying you are proud of me. It makes me feel good And Im proud of you too...because you came back and are working it!!! See ya! Deanna

[theswan]

My prayers are with you Deanna!

You will get to where you are going and look back and say 'that was'nt so bad"

That is my prayer for you,

God bless!

Glen

[HumboldtGrown]

Hey Deanna. It was nice to hear read your posts. Every time I log on, I read another story that helps me so much in my struggle. Been on subox since 2/07 and down to 1mg. Tapering in my experience take time and willingness.
Thanks!

[dawnny]

thanks deanna, you are a sweetheart. I guess for all of us its a lifetime of fighting this disease, What I feel bad about is when I go get my methodone, there are so many kids on it, there are so many kids that were addicted to oxy's then went to herion. Its just sad to see. When is it ever gona stop. I worry about my daughter. I know I know about stuff and can help her, but it still scares me.

[HumboldtGrown]

That is how my little sis started (oxy's and methadone) before she even started heroin. Scary. When I first started the subox treatment program in Oct. 2006, the drug test came back as me having methadone in my system. that was a suprise since I thought I was using heroin but it was mixed in I guess!!! Crazy

[deanna]

Originally Posted by HumboldtGrown

Hey Deanna. It was nice to hear read your posts. Every time I log on, I read another story that helps me so much in my struggle. Been on subox since 2/07 and down to 1mg. Tapering in my experience take time and willingness.
Thanks!

Absolutely! I just have been letting my body tell me when its time to decrease in dose. My big thing has always been that I get tired earlier in the evening than normal, and kinda feel groggy, and then I know its time to drop. After a couple days, I always feel better and back to my normal energy levels. Hey, congrats on living addiction free for 3 years! Thats fantastic! Deanna

[Mary]

Hey woman, late congrats on 1.5 years. Very, very cool. Did you do the going down to 1 yet? I've never been on a cruise. You don't get claustrophobic not being able to get in the car and go somewhere? Did you take a lot of pictures to go with the memories?

Hey, it's been pretty nice around here, how's it there? Any work come up yet? Hope so, the economy sucks around here pretty bad. But I'm still working, not as much but enough, which is cool. Feast or famine sometimes with freelance gigs.

Wellllll, I wanted to check in with you and send you some more positive energy beams my friend! -Mary

[deanna]

Hi Mary. Well, lately I've been having a hard time. I dont know why, I just am. I bumped back up to 2.5mg, and Im gonna stay there for a little while. Holy shit, maybe I have permanent brain damage or something. I'll get through it though, I can promise you that.
Oh, and the cruise....you could never get claustrophobic...its like a big city on the ship. It holds 3,000 passengers. It is HUGE. We took lots of pics.
Im still laid off from work, and I think that is part of whats got me so f'ed up in my head lately. Ive been off 4 months now, health insurance ran out, all that good stuff. Im used to being a hard worker, so Ive been extremely bored out of my mind. Thanks for the beams...I really need them! Send as many as possible Mary! Deanna

[Mary]

Hey Deanna, if you gotta back up, you go back up. It's no big dealio. Hey, I don't think it's permanent brain damage, that would be me. LOL That really sucks about not having work for so long and the insurance gig. This economy sucks ass. I saw you mention a casino a while ago, any word on that?

Just do what you gotta do with the sub, which is the right thing that you went up. Man, I wish I could beam up some work.

3,000 people, holy shit. Maybe I'll talk the man into checking one out. Did you like the places you went?

You WILL get through this is right. Many, many, many beams to you. Endless beams and a big beam hug. -Mary

[deanna]

Ahhhh Mary....its so nice to read what you have to say. YOU GET ME. I decided to go back up for a week or two, until I can get my head straight, and figure out why all the sudden this is difficult. it all started when this guy at the union hall was shaking a bottle of vicoden in my face that he was selling, and I guess its stuck in my head for some reason. And then, in the morning thread every day I was reading about someone taking vicoden, and it just escalated from there. I meant no harm, and Im glad you see that. YOur a great person Mary. I appreciate you. And thanks for all the beams.
And yea, look on line at Carnival cruise lines....you will be hooked for sure. Thanks again Mary Deanna

[OhioMike]

Hey Deanna ........... I can't really add to what Mary shared, she is spot on about your dose. If you have to go up a little, please don't beat yourself up over it, its not a big deal.

For some reason I thought you had some work out there waiting for you soon. What in the world is going on with the casino up there? And I'm so sorry to hear about the insurance. I don't know much about the inner workings of unions but I thought they had a system or a fund to help with that?

Deanna, darn it you love life so much I hate to see you down like this. I know I am repeating myself but when those mental challenges come please try to focus on the beautiful things in your life, beginning with yourself, your son and husband. The gift of yourself living again which you are giving them is worth more than anything in this world and is something I know means everything to you.

I don't have any clear cut answers Deanna, I wish I did. I know I still get those mental challenges too, those whispers I don't care to hear. At times I'm thankful because I feel it does me good to not forget, but at other times it scares me because I wonder if I have done something to leave myself open to them. So I simply try to refocus myself on the little blessings and of course the big ones which mean the most to me and realize that in spite of life's bumps, what I have today with my family and of course for myself, my health is so, so much more than what I left behind.

always good thoughts for you Deanna, your posts have picked me up and made my day good many times and I am so thankful for that.

Mike

[deanna]

Thanks Mike. Im not beating myself up one bit over upping my dose. I just see it in the way that going up on the sub for a bit is way better than risking my recovery. I mean, I dont in any way feel like I want to go back out and use, I just think maybe I dropped a little too much before I was ready.(?) Im having these thoughts like "oh, it would be cool to just be numb and happy and forget for a while....it would be awesome to just be f*ed up....and that IS NOT ME!!!!!!!!!! And like I said, I wont act on them....they are just there.I was feeling really good, and everything was cool, and then the thing at the union hall happened, and then the morning thread got to me....and then bam....instant depression and anxiety over it. It just all took me down. Made me feel weak. As far as work goes, there are 250 people off work right now, and the casino is suposed to start around June. Actually June is supposed to be the magic month for all kinds of work. And my insurance, well, I can still get it, I just have to pay out of pocket for it. It works in a way that as long as your working, your insurance gets paid out of a bank. I can get on cobra for $250 a month though, so thats what Ill do. My husband is self employed, so he doesnt have insurance, hes on mine. But, anyways, I appreciate coming here and talking to me personally, it means alot. I'll get through this....Im a fighter. I truly do appreciate all the blessings in my life. Im thankful for all that I have. Thanks OMike- Deanna

[OhioMike]

Ah ok Deanna, I never did really know how the union insurance deal worked.

Hey listen, you know I still get those fleeting thoughts just as you described them and its weird, because much like you, hell I love recovery and frankly like you, I enjoy life.

You know I use to get a little freaked about those kind of thoughts and Dawn and I would chat right away about them. I use to think that I might be missing something in my recovery, that like you, it wasn't me actually to want to be numb or high.

I wish I could tell you what changed or why it changed, but, they really don't bother me so much anymore. I wish they didn't come at all, but you know, we are not perfect, we are human and damn it sometimes we just want to get out of ourselves for a while and I guess that is when they sneak in.

Anyway, like you I am not going to act on them and I think maybe I really know that now so they don't bother me so much. Also you know, when we have other things bugging us like a job concern or insurance or a sick child or a challenging child like mine, well its natural for everything else to bother us more too, including those type of thoughts.

Stress is a weird creation and I think at times it works on us secretly without us realizing. Please hang in there, this will pass and your such a positive and uplifting person, its just going to take a little time for some of these things to work out.

Try to stay busy, go to the gym and work some of those feelings out of you. Kick back some and spend some Deanna time, do something fun.

If I hit the lottery I will build something up there so you can work on it, OK? lol

Mike

[deanna]

Thanks Mike. All this stuff will pass, its just a phase Im going through. Ive been working out 5 times a week and staying busy. Hey, I might be having a crappy time right now, but I have 6 pack abslol!!!
Things will get better. Hey, they are better....... cause Im a survivor, just like all of us here on this boardDeanna