Addiction Survivors

Notices

Reply
Unread 07-10-2015, 11:30 PM   #2851
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Tryn it is already Saturday across the pond when I write this so, have a great Saturday!!
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-11-2015, 11:26 AM   #2852
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

Monday is just around the corner and as I write this, I know that you are going to do so well and have a great experience! I'm going camping and getting into nature, to get out in the nature has been proven to lower stress and make people happy. Isn't that amazing how we get all this stuff and then want to go back and sit with minimal things. It shows us what we really need, a simple life. That may be off point some, but not really, because we all strive to get peace and acceptance of ourselves in our life. Go in your experience with blazing Tryn style and be yourself, as we all adore the true Tryn.
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-11-2015, 12:12 PM   #2853
iamtrying
Senior Member
 
Posts: 703
Default

Good morning...Tyrn...I am catching up on your posts...good luck and you will do fabulous...have a great day friend...
iamtrying is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-11-2015, 01:29 PM   #2854
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Hi Tryn, fabulous you can go on Monday! I think this time will be different for you than any other time you've done a program. You really want it and you'll really listen and be totally present. Pretend we're all there with you and you're talking, sharing, communicating with us. Just be your natural self, and, please, don't try to fix anyone, you're going for YOU.

Can't wait to hear how it goes.

Nancy
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-11-2015, 02:18 PM   #2855
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good evening everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Oh, oh, how quite wonderful.

Thank you Alexis, R Lee, Lost Dog and dear Nancy. No....really.......thank you.

Lost Dog, how beautifully sublime. I am with you on your journey, i understand it. I can also feel an energy from you, the you that is Lost Dog, enabling and empowering, not fighting. No need to now.

I also understand the minimalist concept. To me it simply looks like that all i am ...is lucky. If i have water, shelter, and now love, minimalism no longer holds it's mathematics.

If it did, then our love for one another would be tiny.

To giggle at beauty as one walks past, to know that is a part of making that beauty exist, is what Lost Dog is all about. How are things going with the new wonder of your dog?

In the worlds of systemic wins, simplicity becomes beauty.

Dear Alexis, Wimbledon?

Underground, overground, Wombling free
The wombles of Wimbledon Common are we
Making good use of the things that we find
Things that everyday folks leave behind.

Uncle Bulgaria, he can remember the days
When he wasn't behind the times
With his map of the world
Pick up the papers and take then to Tobermory.

Wombles are organised, work as a team
Wombles are tidy and Wombles are clean
Underground, overground, Wombling free,
The Wombles of Wimbledon, Common are we.

People don't even notice us, they never see
Under their noses a Womble may be
Womble by night and we Womble by day
Looking for litter to trundle away.

We're so incredibly utterly devious
Making the most of everything
Even bottles and tins
Pick up the pieces and make something into new
Is what we do.

Underground, overground. Wombling free
The Wombles of Wimbledon Common are we
Making good use of the things we find
Things that everyday folks leave behind.

A nice calm and peaceful Sunday awaits me. Food my brothers and sisters. I really do need to eat.

I am soooo excited about Monday. It may not seem much. It will work for me.

Nancy?....Moi? Try to fix anyone?......oooooooo.....i get you.......that's the "big place for saying walk backwards whilst hand-standing which you have never done?"

I can't not stop me, ....i can not look at another without seeing into them.

And i think i am who?

No one, i just cant help wanting for others.

I want all those that believe in prayer, all those that do not, to give a minute of your time tonight for Dear Susie and Monty.

I also think it is important through ones journey to learn from and recognise how you have done so. You know how i love you all, no less adore you all to a fault,

Thank you R Lee.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-12-2015, 12:27 AM   #2856
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Think through that next urge Tryn & have a great Sunday!!
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-14-2015)
Unread 07-14-2015, 11:30 AM   #2857
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

Checking to see how you are and wishing positive things for you. The new little dog is a joy. He's sneaky and cute. I gave him a good bath yesterday. He doesn't smell as fresh as my other sweet girl Reea. Simple things are keeping me focused. Be sure and let your group know that you are loved.
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to lostdog For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-14-2015)
Unread 07-14-2015, 01:16 PM   #2858
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

how did the group session go Tryn? Let us know

Sending love down south! xxx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-14-2015)
Unread 07-14-2015, 01:31 PM   #2859
Millie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,442
Default

Yes Tryn, please let us know how it went when you get a chance. Hope you're having a great day.
Millie is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Millie For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-14-2015)
Unread 07-14-2015, 05:36 PM   #2860
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good evening everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Thank you Lost Dog, R Lee, Alexis and Millie.

It has been deemed an assessment next Wednesday needs to be the first step. I'm good with that.


Those in my life that have long since "stepped away" from offering support i could not comprehend, now share thoughts of me.

They do so as they see me helping myself, and now think i can hear what they say.

That being the case, i have a dear girlfriend who has known me for well over a decade. She "heard" where i was at and what path i was choosing, and sent me this, that she wrote about me in 2005.

A stranger maybe, but also a friend.
Faceless words that give so much.
Know by name, but not by sight,
Yet my life he has managed to touch.

A complex nature is hidden beneath
A depth of emotion, not yet seen.

Beautiful lines flow from his fingers,
Yet two images he walks between.

The comic facade he hides behind,
Masking the feelings that live inside,
Scared to trust, but one day he must...
If he is to fulfill life's great ride.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-14-2015)
Unread 07-14-2015, 06:23 PM   #2861
Millie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,442
Default

That's lovely. Imagine how much more understanding there would be in the world if we all just wore our masks a little more loosely.

I'm so glad you're finding support.
Millie is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Say Thank You to Millie For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-14-2015), Thank You (07-15-2015)
Unread 07-14-2015, 07:25 PM   #2862
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

That is so nice! A big smile
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to lostdog For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-15-2015)
Unread 07-14-2015, 11:48 PM   #2863
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

keep moving forward Tryn. Have a great day tomorrow.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-15-2015)
Unread 07-15-2015, 12:08 PM   #2864
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Thank you, Millie, Lost Dog and R Lee.

It was so dreadfully sweet and touched me so deeply. It is why i wanted to share it.

Those among us that know the poem "the man in the glass".....will know to every one of us, to a man and woman, we are terrified to look at the person looking back at us from the glass.

Don't be.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-15-2015)
Unread 07-15-2015, 12:47 PM   #2865
iamtrying
Senior Member
 
Posts: 703
Default

Nice one! Tyrn have a good day friend
iamtrying is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to iamtrying For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-17-2015)
Unread 07-15-2015, 01:46 PM   #2866
Millie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,442
Default

Have a good day, Tryn.
Millie is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Millie For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-17-2015)
Unread 07-15-2015, 07:55 PM   #2867
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

missing you Tryn, Lovely poem. thanks for sharing xxx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-17-2015)
Unread 07-16-2015, 11:32 PM   #2868
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

How are you doing Tryn? Think through that 1st urge.

Have a great day!!
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-17-2015)
Unread 07-17-2015, 10:18 AM   #2869
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

I Am Trying, Millie, Alexis and R Lee. Many thanks.

I am not in the best of places at this moment in time. I appeared to have become really rather depressed. I find myself missing dear Larry in ways i was not expecting or indeed was prepared for. However things are the way they are, and living life on life's terms exceptionally important for me now.

Monday and Tuesday were dark days that did not include alcohol but a simmering desperation about me. My journey to find support is at least becoming closer as i have been given an assessment appointment with them, (to look at my goals and what i feel my barriers are to achieving them) at that happens at 2pm next Wednesday. Once that has been done i will be invited to attend a group on Mondays, eco therapy on Wednesdays and more than likely a 1-1 on another, (usually a Friday). So at least i have upcoming support.

I think the best way of describing how i have been feeling is so dreadfully lonely and a feeling of disassociation from myself. I accept that Larry and myself were together every single day for 20 years and one of the unnoticed more than "taken for granted", was the sense of security in having such a dear and close friend. Someone who knew me like no other has and thus was always in a good place to offer me guidance and so much love. Put simply, i feel as if "half of me is missing". I know it is the journey of grief, but it is a journey i am struggling a great deal with. Hopefully with this upcoming support i can work my way through this and manage to find ways of moving forward.

Tryn is a lonely ole soul at this time. Hang on in there, change is never far away.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-17-2015)
Unread 07-17-2015, 11:02 AM   #2870
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

Oh Tryn, I am giving you a big HUG! We can get through this weekend together. I think you ought to watch a good movie and eat popcorn and just get absorbed and then go for a good walk later. Just suggestions, but I hope you feel better soon!
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to lostdog For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-17-2015)
Unread 07-17-2015, 11:12 AM   #2871
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,

Sending a big ((hugg)) your way buddy.
You're doing the right things, getting support and reaching out. As Rlee told "we musnt be secrets".

Words to live by.

Wishing you peace today Tryn.

Regards,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-17-2015)
Unread 07-17-2015, 11:23 AM   #2872
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Like Saint said, you are doing this the right way.

Im proud of you Tryn xxx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-17-2015)
Unread 07-17-2015, 11:48 AM   #2873
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Love & hugs for you Tryn. Think through that 1st. urge to drink.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-17-2015)
Unread 07-17-2015, 03:08 PM   #2874
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

My dear family,

Thank you.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-17-2015, 03:48 PM   #2875
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good evening again, i apologise for "hogging the airwaves" and bright blessings to you all.

I have just received quite the most stupendous offer.

My work over the years has afforded me "bumping into" the most eclectic and beautiful people, (among all those that were not). That being the case, i was "offered" something about 2 weeks ago that i dismissed as being "too good to be true".

A friend i have worked with in negotiations and meditations has seen my struggles. Being the sort of fellow in the fields he is, and at his mature age, "knows them all".

And so the offer.

I live in the UK, and so it may not be so "apparent" in the big place, but we had a genocide here in Europe around Bosnia Herzegovina, the former Yugoslavia, and there was a 4 day period where all humanity, and all mankind faltered in the most horrific of ways. (8.000 men and boys were slaughtered)

There is a therapist from that genocide whom became such after his wife had "her baby removed from her" and lost her life.

He fled to the UK, and over many years has counselled and engaged in therapy with those that perhaps have had journeys that although as traumatic as the next man or woman, somehow totally out of kilter with the humanity, whoever we are, and wherever we come from, take institutionally as "read".

"Therapy"....support, guidance and the like, all countries have. There are "guidelines" that make for many, engagement.... virtually impossible. I should know, i tried to change those boundaries unsuccesfully.

So now the offer to me is that someone i know nothing about, whom a friend and colleague has communicated to them my issues and "me", and the fellow from Bosnia has said, "hang the fees, i want to meet this man".

I wrote to him 45 minutes ago.

My message in this letter to you all is not, "this is happening", but to encourage all of us in the quite beautiful family all of us are......reach out for help. Ask for that support........you might be blown away with what you get.

You have just read a letter from the luckiest man on this planet.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. The power of this family has no bounds. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-18-2015)
Unread 07-17-2015, 04:24 PM   #2876
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Tryn thats amazing!!!

xx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-17-2015)
Unread 07-17-2015, 04:47 PM   #2877
Millie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,442
Default

That is so awesome. Thank you for sharing that with us.

I am so very proud of you for not attempting to solve your loneliness with alcohol. That shows your strength and commitment... to you! And that makes me happy.

Big hugs to you!
Millie is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Millie For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-17-2015)
Unread 07-17-2015, 05:26 PM   #2878
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Be careful Tryn & don't get too much on your plate with everything going on. It seems that you get great offers & then drink. Your sobriety must come 1st. or you are no good to anyone. Think through that 1st. drink.

HUGS!!
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-17-2015)
Unread 07-17-2015, 06:59 PM   #2879
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good evening everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Alexis, Millie and R Lee. Thank you.

I have to say, R Lee, think through that first drink has to be the mantra for this gorgeous family.

I want to share something with dear Susie, and all of you here. I am not going to send the link, i want you to read the words and sing along if you wish.

I see trees of green
And red roses too.
I see the bloom
For me you and you

And i think to myself
What a wonderful world.

I see clouds of blue
And clouds of white.
The bright blessed day
The dark sacred night,

And i think to myself
What a wonderful world.

The colours of the rainbow
So pretty in the sky
Are also only the faces
of the people going by,
I see friends shaking hands
And saying "how do you do?"

They are really saying,
I love you.

I hear babies cry
I watch them grow,
They will learn much more,
Than i will ever know.......

And i think to myself
What a wonderful world.

Yes...i think to myself,
What a wonderful world.

Thank you Louis Armstrong.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-17-2015, 07:13 PM   #2880
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Crying reading that Tryn, i can now imagine each of us singing a line, as we clink our mugs of coffee together, our faces bright and orange lit by the fire.

Peace to you my friend xxx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-18-2015)
Unread 07-18-2015, 11:09 AM   #2881
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Tryn, Think through that next drink. Have a great day.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-18-2015)
Unread 07-18-2015, 01:50 PM   #2882
iamtrying
Senior Member
 
Posts: 703
Default

Tyrn

Brother, you have a beautiful mind, your hand does amazing job writing it out to us. We are so lucky to read it and have you here. Have a great day Tryn...
iamtrying is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to iamtrying For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-18-2015)
Unread 07-18-2015, 02:16 PM   #2883
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,
We are never cured. Stay vigilant.
(((Hugggs)))
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-18-2015)
Unread 07-18-2015, 04:02 PM   #2884
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

Best wishes to you and all your talent, may they be recognized. You deserve the BEST and I'm hoping you are content with yourself and goals everyday. Cause I know you are pretty AWESOME!!
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-18-2015, 04:40 PM   #2885
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good evening everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

I'm not sure how to communicate this, but i have had "enough".

My brothers and sisters, here i know, simply because of your journeys through a life blighted by alcohol.

I took a drink today. I was in the layer of a very rich fellow, whom i have communicated to you before. His ability to empower, quite ridiculous, on so many levels. This was the fellow that introduced me to Milan, (the chap from Bosnia).

I wrote to him yesterday and "explained" my issues. It, unwittingly blew me clean out of the water. I wish i had never done it. I do not know this fellow, and the shame that has always been with me, and has always wrapped a warm winter coat around my heart in all weathers, no longer keeps the cold out.

I have never been here before.

It maybe because i have become more aware of awareness, or maybe i have just have had enough.

I do not like me.

Over the last 20 years it was offered to me that i wasn't as awful as i thought i was. I set out to prove it. I felt, somehow i needed to. There are no pies left that Tryn hasn't stuck a finger in.

I feel my heart is somehow not what it is supposed to be. I can't carry on feeling this way.

As you know i have an assessment on Wednesday to a place i was before 3/4 years ago. I also have this most extraordinary man who wishes to help/support me on my way.

When i was young, i was "pretty hot" at Judo. (I actually represented England at 11 years old!)

The point?

You are reading the words of a chap 5"7......who has never eaten anything in his life.

I understood concepts. In Judo, the bigger you are than me, the better chance i have of winning. How so? I was taught to use anothers power to my advantage. The bigger my opponent, the easier it was to use his power to win. The more you "push" against me.....the easier it is for me.

I went about my life like that. I believed i was always the lucky one. I was always the smaller one, and i knew i could always use you, and another force to my advantage.

I have fought men 88 times the size of me, (of course i lost, but i thought i had a chance)......alcohol>>>?

No face, no body, no legs to kick away, no holds that make it submit.

I have lost my fight. I can't do this anymore. I am too alone. Before i have to knock someone out for saying "no you are not"....i take full responsibility for not letting anyone near me.

That being the case, and i know it is important in this family, but Tryn is not likely to win his battle.

I want you, my dear compassionate family to know that if Tryn doesn't turn up again, it is not ignorance, it is not belligerence, i just can't be this ill anymore.

I am sorry for 2 reasons.

I only had 1 life. I have not been allowed to care for many on my journey. I will go wishing i had met you all. And God willing , Addiction Survivors will evolve to a point where you will have conferences, hands will be shaken, hugs will be abundant, the very point of us all will be shared.

2nd, Tryn came up short. I thought i could do this.

And i thought "i was all that". I really, really, really believed i could do this.

I have had enough of trying. I give up.

I want you all to know, my goodness, you know.

Be peaceful, be healthy and for goodness sake be stronger than me. I love you all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-18-2015, 04:50 PM   #2886
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

You can do it Tryn, you CAN, I need you here and don't want you to leave. Please stay for us and yourself. You are the coolest man around, Please do not leave, my heart will be too sad. You are a capable competent person, YES, YOU ARE!! luv and HUGS....
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-18-2015, 05:16 PM   #2887
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Get off the pity pot Tryn. Yes you drank again. This is what alcoholics do. YOU ARE NOT A QUITTER! Think through that next drink. You can do this if you want it more than anything else.

HUGS!
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-18-2015, 07:04 PM   #2888
Sam Bailey
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1,630
Default

Hey Andy,

You write,
Quote:
"I have had enough of trying. I give up."
Bullshyte, man. That is just plain bullshit. Hear me, please Tryin'. You are not through.

And dude, how dare you allow ANYONE to define you. I don't care who the fluck that person is, whether it's the barber on the corner or Sigmund-damn-Freud himself, to allow that is to give another FLAWED human being, since flawed we all are, power over us they don't genuinely have.

It is true that with sobriety comes clarity, a degree of clarity---though not, certainly in the beginning, clarity-without-misperception.

In other words, we see and recall many things in sobriety that had been lost to us during our addiction, but we simply do not always remember those events correctly. Our misperception of most things is staggering.

For example:

As I left my nightmarish active addiction darkness, I, too, recalled many shameful things I did. I too recalled what an awful human being I was, despicable without any possible redemption. Yet, like all of us, my perception was only partly true. Most of it was utter bullshyte.

Because, you see, my clarity wasn't complete. I was clearing up, but I wasn't altogether clear. Neither are you, Andy. Your clarity is, for now, incomplete.

But Andy, you just don't see it, this newfound clarity I'm speaking off, as flawed. You see it, at least for now, as absolute. And being absolute, you seem to believe that there are no other interpretations of this specific clarity, which you see as shameful.

I think you're wrong, friend.

Obviously I don't know what all is rattling around inside your fevered brain. What I do know, what I DO believe is that whatever is rattling is NOT complete. You are too goddam new to sobriety to see the entirety of your newfound clarity.

But right now, friend, you think you do--and it shames you.

Tryin', you are not being fair to all those people who love and respect you. Really man, you owe yourself and your loved ones a better effort.

Ok, yes. You have been working hard, trying hard. But, apologies, just not hard enough. You owe these folks an honest, genuine, stronger! effort to cast off this ugliness, this absurd shame, that you've painted yourself with.

Sir Tryin'? It is easier to accept that you are simply a pile of shyte, lost and irredeemable, than to accept the more likely truth. It is much harder to change your thinking, to cast off all the "this is just me, ol Tryin'" tropes that you feel distinguishes you from who you "really" are.

Stop hiding behind those, Andy. You are more than your words; you are better than your affectations.

Yes, they are you, too. And together, which we have, at times, seen, is something luminous indeed. It is a brilliant force, Andy---and it radiates from you.

Re-start that, Andy. Give yourself the chance to be your best. Stop all the bullshyte, which you can distinguish from truth, and resurrect your life.

You are not the Prodigal Son here Andy for no good reason. Are we too stupid? Are we too deluded? Are we too lost in our own darkness to recognize the demon in you? Is this who you think we are?

I don't believe so, Andy. I believe that you KNOW we see beyond the affections, and the relapses. I believe that you know that we know...you are a good and decent and kind man. I believe you know that we are all proud to call you brother.

You give up? F that, Andy. You will not do this. We cannot allow it.

Tryin'? Please don't give up. Please.

Love to you friend,

sam

Despite all that, the authentic you still comes through. Don't misunderstand, you are all of that, style to language, yet you are more than JUST that,
Sam Bailey is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Say Thank You to Sam Bailey For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-18-2015), Thank You (07-18-2015)
Unread 07-18-2015, 08:03 PM   #2889
Sam Bailey
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1,630
Default

Hey Tryin',

That last line, previous post, following my signature? ("Despite all that..."). I wrote it, I planned on inserting it, I thought I did, I guess--then, I don't know, I presume that the universe determined that it didn't belong.....

.....or something.

Cripes!

Truth is, I don't know what the fluck happened. Sorry. Clearly, it doesn't belong.

Anyway.

Oh, before I do, did I mention?

Andy, do not give up. You are not done. Don't listen to anyone that tells you differently, don't believe it, no matter where you hear it, read it or are told it. It's bullshyte.

You are a young man. A kid, for cripes sake. You are still growing into yourself, into who you really are. It may take a awhile but you will get there.

As they say in Program, don't leave just before the miracle happens!

Your life, Andy, is ripe. It is about to blossom. What a flucking drag if you're not there to witness it.

But, me? I believe you will be. And when it happens, I believe that it's gonna be freakin' glorious!

Don't quit, Andy. Don't. Please.

sam
Sam Bailey is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Say Thank You to Sam Bailey For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-18-2015), Thank You (07-18-2015)
Unread 07-19-2015, 01:12 AM   #2890
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Alcoholics are selfish.

How dare you give up.

How dare you tell us you may or may not be around.

I'm in no mood for your B.S. tonight Tryn. You're not the only one here that suffers.

You piss me off.
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
3 Users Say Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-19-2015), Thank You (07-19-2015), Thank You (07-19-2015)
Unread 07-19-2015, 11:35 AM   #2891
iamtrying
Senior Member
 
Posts: 703
Default

Hi Tyrn,

Hope your day has gotten better, When i was drinking, I drank most of the time because I was happy, I would pull any reason to drink. And even today I can do the same. But I have decided to change and I want to be better, not that I am competing with anybody, I do it for myself. Sobriety is for me, my body and my mind. I can go right back into old days if I want, but I don't want to, I stay vigilant.

My point is: you are your captain, you have chosen to set sail on sobriety path, you have done it for so long and come so far, you cannot let your ship sink saying I give up. You cannot throw that ball away in slog over when you have to take that last wicket to win and tell your team you give up. That is not you.

You were not thinking clearly, give yourself time Tyrn, dust yourself and start where you left...Don't let your ship sink, it has more to conquer, it has more to see, it has more to help our ships...

Have a good day friend.

Last edited by iamtrying; 07-19-2015 at 11:59 AM..
iamtrying is offline   Reply With Quote
4 Users Say Thank You to iamtrying For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-20-2015), Thank You (07-19-2015), Thank You (07-19-2015), Thank You (07-19-2015)
Unread 07-19-2015, 12:37 PM   #2892
nan
Senior Member
 
nan's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,398
Default

Dear Tryn, When my children would become morose I would remind them, go to the garden eat worms. Kind of a wake up call for them to think about what they were doing and set about changing their mindset. So, that is what I am going to tell you, go to the garden eat worms.

I copied an except from a website and am putting it here for you to read and think on.

http://www.kimleatherdale.com/self-e...-to-eat-worms/
The major difference in shame versus remorse is the direction of focus. In shame, the focus becomes about you. Your feelings, negative self image, and behaviors revolve around yourself. You make yourself feel worthless, less than, and unworthy. In remorse, the focus is on the behavior and making repair, specifically repair of the person you hurt. In remorse you are standing on the ground as a healthy person, not wallowing in the garden eating worms. (That’s only healthy if you are a robin!)
The second difference is the intensity of feeling bad. In shame you almost wallow in it, you get stuck in it, it hurts so much you get caught into yourself. With remorse you feel bad equal to the behavior you did. A small infraction leads to small discomfort while big damage may lead to heavy levels of sadness.
However, you never take remorse to the point of becoming self-centered. Remorse is about fixing, healing, repairing and reconnecting.
So your courageous work is to stop shaming yourself and learn what real remorse is. Don’t go to extremes, don’t get trapped into yourself, focus on fixing and connecting.
By the way, in case you were wondering “eating worms” came from a rather strange song from my childhood. Here are a few of the lyrics:
“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me
I’m going to the garden to eat some worms
Big fat juicy ones, little bitty skinny ones…”

Now get yourself out of "the garden" and start planning to be all you can be today. You are not a quitter so get off that kick. The family needs you now.

nan
nan is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Say Thank You to nan For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-19-2015), Thank You (07-19-2015)
Unread 07-19-2015, 10:28 PM   #2893
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Wake up & smell the roses rather than having a couple pints by 6 a.M. to get you going. Be grateful for another day & think through that next urge to drink.

Please try & read iamtryings posts over & over until you get his simple messages.

Hugs
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-20-2015, 02:42 AM   #2894
Millie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,442
Default

Tryn. Andy.

You're hurting but you're not stupid. This is a low and you will rise from it.

You're stronger than this. You have it in you to get your shit together, with our help.

Love to you. And strength. And hugs.
Millie is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-20-2015, 08:33 AM   #2895
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Thank you for all your messages of love and support.

I hear what you all have said, and all i can say is that i have been in a very dark place, and i am working at it again.

I have been left in doubt i had come across as self pitiful in that last post i wrote. I am well aware i am not the only person in this world that struggles.....i often try to communicate how lucky i am. Sometimes, and i am sure we have all been there, it all becomes so overwhelming that we chuck our hands in the air in resignation.

It was where i was at. I found a crisis intervention yesterday and have plans to lift my head up this week.

Yes Saint, i piss myself off too sometimes.

I apologise for angering others here. It was a bit of a "meltdown" for me and at times like that i can say things through fear, panic and despair.

I promise you though, i most certainly do not think i am unique or going through something that many, many others, have, are and still are.

I feel "empty" at this time so there is not alot about me today. I just wanted to thank you all for your beautiful support. Hopefully i can make some important headway this week.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-20-2015)
Unread 07-20-2015, 08:49 AM   #2896
nan
Senior Member
 
nan's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,398
Default

Hi Tryn, Whew, yes you can make headway this week. You did good to contact a crisis intervention-you sought out help while you were suffering so. It must feel horrible to be in such a dark place and feel so "empty". Continue working on getting better-and not to make light of the situation, really, but I have to say this, sometimes you are "full" of it. Hope that made you smile for a minute.

My hand is reaching across the ocean, hold on tight!

nan
nan is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to nan For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-20-2015)
Unread 07-20-2015, 09:24 AM   #2897
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

It is ways good to hear from Andy. Go on that long walk and with each step picture us patting your back. I can support you as much as you need.
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to lostdog For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-20-2015)
Unread 07-20-2015, 11:07 AM   #2898
Sam Bailey
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1,630
Default

Hi Andy,

I'm about to stumble out my door for an early morning run. Ok, sort of early (it's 6:50am). But first, I want to scribble a brief note to you, Tryin'. Just to clarify one thing.

While I cannot speak for anyone but myself, I will speak my point as LOUDLY as I can! Oh Andy, nobody is mad at you! I sure as hades am not! Angry at you? Good Lord NO!

How can I describe it, my own state-of-mind as I (first) read your post then replied to it? Mad? Ok, I WAS mad, that is true, isn't it?

I was flucking mad...at the disease of alcoholism. It is a cruel, wicked, mean-as-hell creature, a goddam demon, in fact.

But you? Not angry, nope. Stern though. Is that it? I think so. I wanted to be a "stern" with you, as strongly as seemed reasonable.

And I wanted to tell you the truth, as I know it---so opposed to the "facts" you laid out in your post. The bullshyte facts, as I saw them!

You are a good, decent and strong man...and I simply did not want you to get sway with the bullcrap of your darkness. Cause yes sir, you were in a terribly dark place....

....I know this because I, too, am followed by a similar darkness. It hovers above me like a ghost cloud. It will occasionally settle down upon me. Yes it does that sometimes, and when it does I am, like you, disturbed and, at times, deeply forlorn.

That cloud, though, mine AND yours (I believe) are temporary.

Anyway. I am hurrying too much. Rambling and, I fear, being terribly unclear.

So off I go, a good run for Sam.

In the meantime, come back to us. Do not give up. Not now. Not ever!

sam
Sam Bailey is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Sam Bailey For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-20-2015)
Unread 07-20-2015, 11:07 AM   #2899
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Nice to hear from you Tryn. The last time you drank before this time I suggested you get all the alcohol out of your residence. Do you have booze at home now?

Think through that 1st drink.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-20-2015)
Unread 07-20-2015, 12:08 PM   #2900
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,

I'm glad you sought out treatment.

I HATE what addiction does to people and their loved ones...

I know that empty feeling you speak of. Keep working it Tryn...

Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (07-20-2015)
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:08 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
© 2014 Addiction Survivors