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Unread 01-04-2017, 09:25 AM   #5001
Alexis
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How are you this morning Tryn? x
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Unread 01-04-2017, 05:28 PM   #5002
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Thinking of you, Tryn. Hope you're okay.
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Unread 01-05-2017, 08:14 AM   #5003
Tryntryagain
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Alexis and my dearest Millie, thank you.

Yup Tryn is still chugging along like the little tugboat i sometimes feel i am. Shifting my little problems all day long around my harbour. It may at times appear i really am just re-arranging the deck chairs.....yet working towards some kind of achievement always a worthwhile pursuit.

I am seeing my GP this afternoon who has very kindly agreed to come and see me at home, however i have not heard back from the Practice Manager Re my perfectly reasonable and valid rant the other day. We shall see.

My wonderful brothers and sisters......if only you could see what i can see out of my stained glassed windows. Back in the day i used to ski. This was the time i was with my wife, who was also a highly paid probation officer, and her lifestyle demanded 2 ski trips a season.

(Goodness me, it was a hard life then)....

So i have skied most of Europe, para-glided in Le Deux Alps, and as much as skiing is an experience of almost unrivaled freedom, so i never, ever forget the colour of the "clear blue sky" at various altitudes.

From the horizon, to the end of my nose, the sky i am looking at now, i could be at 10's of 1000's of feet so eclectic and sumptuous is the changing depths of the blue.

The air is so still...so cold....so crisp.....that if you "just put yer lips togetha and bloww." The whistle one could imagine would be accompanied by the sound of falling broken glass so sharp is dear ole Blightys morning.

The sun glaringly bright..... teasing as if to say..."what you looking at??"

It is a beautiful....beautiful morning.

Dear ole Rolos strutt is more pronounced than it should be, the frozen grass more of an ole curiosity, his warm shroud of breath around him and his odd look at my "mouth garment" now!....as he gives, turns and bounces away with an air of, "well...he must know what he is doing"....trust, lovely trust.

My body is healing. In 4 days i have halved the amount of painkillers i had been taking. I shall not ask specifically for more pain meds around the injurys i sustained on the path accident. That says alot.

My spirit is stronger that it has ever been, my heart bigger each day, and a real resolve and focus on getting on top of my physical issues to try and pull them in line with how i feel inside. I feel liberated, free and at last...confident.

What that looks like is i trust my choices, because they come from my heart. I trust my heart because it is bigger than me, it is because of my soul, and i now trust my soul. I trust i am a good human being. I work hard at it. I need strength which i get from my family here, and i trust i do, because i am confident you know who i am.

Confidence. Such a big thing in all of our lives...and yet none of us really knows what the definition is. I do not know what the definition is, yet i know what it looks like, and i know what it feels like. This is it.

For all my ailments, feeling confident is the best medicine of all.

Sope.....look out yer windows.......bettcha can't see what i can!

Have a wonderful day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-05-2017, 10:16 AM   #5004
Alexis
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Good luck at the doctors Tryn, let us know how you get on.

Never been skiing but would love to do it one day.

You sound calm and good and it makes me smile xx
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Unread 01-05-2017, 10:29 AM   #5005
R. Lee
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Tryn, So glad you are feeling better & have cut the amount of pain meds in half. Good luck on the doctors.

Have a great day.
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Unread 01-05-2017, 04:23 PM   #5006
Tryntryagain
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Good evening everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Alexis and my dear R Lee, thank you...thank you....thank you.

I have had my visit from ..."a" Dr......i shall leave it at that.

(Squibblydoodahsqwibblewobblydidlydoodah)

An injection, a very tired smile......and an orange ring.

Yup.

Of everything that might not be tickety boo with Tryn, by a country mile, my ribs prevent almost anything at the moment. Coughing....sneezing....sweet jesus........any diaphragm movement and Tryn turns instantly into a wild animal.

Imagine uncontrollable laughter?

So this pasty faced GP who i had never seen in my life, and that was reciprocated in spades so it was....almost demanded to know what she was doing having to come and see me.

"What is the reason for this call out that could not be sorted at surgery?"......she said....

Whilst i began my journey of deciding which window to put her through on her way out, Rolo kept giving her his orange ring to play with. He wants you to hold it, then pulls it so he can rip your arm off.

She was obviously extremely uneasy of "my little big bear"....not because he frightened her, only because she wanted to "do what she is paid to" and offski. So.....on the verge of working out how much of a shock i was going to give this GP.....whilst she was giving me an injection i could have done myself......there was this.....growliiinnngggg sound. A deep.....deeeeeeeeeppppp growling sound. Da sort of growling sound Rolo makes when he can't get his orange ring.

Sope....the growling becomes disconcerting for said Dr, my smile deepening by the nanosecond.

My brothers and sisters...Tryn is a man so he is. If i was a lady, 2 things would be Gospel to me. My umbrella....and my handbag.

When i was a little boy, "Mums" had handbags so they did. They were little things that had ladys things in like a Luther PPK and tissues.

Now a days, so comprehensive and large is a womans handbag, digging deep often reveals traffic cones.

Welp...Rolo deemed that the GP was so full of shit.....to be fair she was....he "dropped" his orange ring into her handbag. Her sheer panic as she realised dear ole Rolos rather impressive mane and head had completely disappeared into her handbag....and was "rootin' and a tootin" about for good measure...had i been "on it"...i might even have been referred for private treatment in that moment. That GP would have done ANYTHING...to get Rolo out of her handbag.

Honestly i thought i was going to die of pain. Good pain. I laughed, and laughed....it made me cough and cough....my ribs hurt and hurt.....i could not help it. It was beautifully hysterical.

A GP that didn't know shit, and a dear ole dog that couldn't give a shit. How utterly fantastic each day is.

There is no greater pain than broken ribs. None.

Do you remember my rich and posh friend? Complete and total ****er? I haven't heard from him since cleaning his swimming pool out a couple of summers ago. I know there is a link with my dear Milan in terms of negotiation training, that's all, and have once read my dear Milans own thoughts around Paul.

Paul thinks he is "rounded"...i suppose he is in a way....i just happen to think he is a ****er, and left it at that after telling him.

Out of the clear blue sky i was sharing about earlier, i get an e mail from Paul. After all this time.

He is a well educated man, Eton and whatnot don't you know, so can spell and express himself. His spelling was not just "off key".....the man was obviously bollockeds.....drunk as a skunk.

Paul has never, and has a reputation of being so, ever taken alcohol.

I have written back to him, and invited him to be himself, not what he thinks his standing should be. I was rather pernicious in saying that many of the folk i knew that had swimming pools, were found dead in them.

He had been drinking, no doubt. I know drinking talk, drug talk....drinking and drug talk, and i know sppell...speall...spello...spelling.....i know he has been drinking, i know he does not drink perse, i know this is so very dangerous to him.

I left a message on his phone to tell him he was a complete muppet.

At the mo it takes Tryn a fair ole shout to "gently ease myself" into the bath so it does. I akin it to some sort of heavy lifting at New Yorks docks side and shifting a huge engine....by millimeters into place. I guarantee....as soon as the "load" is ready to lower.....so my phone goes..."errr...hello!"....FFKS.....

You have all taught me how to reach out to me, and to all the parts of me that make my world. I have little choice sometimes what comes my way, however i do have a choice of how i deal with it.

Once i would say.....don't mess with me.....it won't end well.

Now i say,....mess with me, it will end well for all of us.

Rolo is "woofing" under his breath around me. Must dash.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-05-2017, 06:37 PM   #5007
lostdog
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that's funny, Rolo likes to dig and discover things. I hope you have a good evening and are feeling much better. My prayers continue for you.
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Unread 01-06-2017, 10:58 AM   #5008
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dear Lost Dog, i feel your prayers as i feel your love and support.

I have rather wonderful news. I have just received a txt which will mean i will need to break off from this letter in 5 minutes as i am receiving a call.

It is a call from a lady whom is a healer. A "RAW" alkaline practitioner no less. Tryn really is holistically physically poorly and i can not continue without dangerous deterioration in my health if it carrys on this path. I think it is fair to say i have done my best to describe my experiences within the NHS and at best it is simply not working for me. I am just not one of those fellas that can sit around.....waiting....for something to happen.

Oh my goodness!!...I have had the natter, oh my, my, FANTASTIC! Just what i was looking for. A new way forward. I may struggle a little bit to afford it, yet i will....by jove i will. When i have disseminated it in my own head i shall explain the pathway forward. I am so very excited. I love challenges and i love getting better.

Lets talk about luck. What is it?....and can it be made?

You fall off the cliff....yet catch a branch that saves you as you fall.....are you lucky, or unlucky? When i was hit by the cyclist i could have fractured my skull, not my elbow. Was i lucky....or unlucky?

It is all desperately subjective for sure, and i see myself without luck...good or bad now. I have said....oh lord....how many times....how lucky i am?

May a man change his mind?

I have not been "lucky"....i have been empowered. This family enabled me to find a way of empowering myself.....was it luck i found you?

No....no it wasn't. It was me....and me alone through drunken eyes that googled "HELP!" all those years ago. At a time when one would think one was at his or her lowest...totally unable to even remember their name.....actually was probably the most lifesaving and empowering thing you will go on to realise you ever did. From there i have learnt to listen to guidance and wisdom, experience the fuel, love the motivation and self belief begins to unfurl in each and every one of us.

How proud i am to be a brother of yours. How proud i am to be shown the gift of others journeys, hearts and souls. How proud i am to be trusted by folk whose environments so used to abuse and mistrust that they went on to abuse and mistrust themselves, how glorious it is to be on the good ship addiction survivors, where each of us sail the oceans together and in doing so will eventually find our way home. Home to our home port of who we really are, and who we always were.

Have a wonderful day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-06-2017, 06:28 PM   #5009
NancyB
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Hi My Little Brother, how did the phone call go? Did you get an appointment?

Hugs across the ocean,

You Big Sis
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Unread 01-07-2017, 06:26 AM   #5010
Tryntryagain
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dear Big Sis Nancy, yes, yes, yes my lovely! Tuesday 17th at 11am. We have exchanged e mails, and i have filled in an online form all about my medical and social history. What ails me, what medication i am taking, (you know it is not until you fill these things in i realise how many meds i am taking) and what outcome i am looking for.

On the 17th the lady will come and see me at home for my consultation, that will last an hour, and with that information the lady will go away and consult another and will come up with what i can see as a "diet" for me. It will not consist of stuff i can get from the grocery store, yet Tryn will try anything so he will. There are other interventions that she can provide that we can discuss on the 17th.

The "feeling" i got from talking with her, from our txt and e mail exchanges all bodes well in my reckoning and it will be such an exciting journey sharing this new pathway with all my brothers and sisters. Something new, something different.....hope wins the day yet again.

It can not come quick enough for me. The agony i am in this morning i can't quite describe. The CCCRRRRAAACCCKK/CRRRUUUNNNCHHH of my ribs this morning as i put a sock on....wrongly....left me prostate on my bed for 30 minutes just mouthing "yeoowwwwch"....i then had to take the ole fella out for his morning meander.

As i have just said to our dear Lost Dog, ion my dear ole Blighty so thick is the fog i can not see Rolo at the end of his lead! It is proper spooky out there today and of course the ole fella with not the best sight in the world at the best of times, pranced around as if he knew "now it's a level playing field!"

I have got a little something to share. I am not quite sure what right i have to do anything about it. Any advice/suggestions would be welcome.

Where i live is being built. It was a 7 year project, now 4 years in, and the building of 17,000 homes...schools, Drs....train stations...oh you name it....obstensively a brand new town. I was the very first person to move in 4 years ago, and on either side of me was nothing but a building site. Now there are new homes, gardens, and lots, and lots of new people moving in all the time.

A percentage of them have dogs and where i used to have the wasteland all to ourselves....now i have noticed a chap, i would say he is middle aged who also has started using the wasteground to walk his dog. I have not gotton close enough on the wasteground which is several acres big, yet as an alcoholic, can see him swigging out of cans while he walks his dog. As you all know i start early doors at 6-6.30am, and a couple of days ago....goodness me it was cold......and i saw him drinking at that time.

Now....this morning i walked to where i have been seeing him and it is totally littered with empty cans, i would say...30-40 of them at this time.

I do not know if it is the same in the big place yet in Blighty we have something called "white cider". It is not real cider, it is as cheap as chips, incredibly strong and utterly revolting. It is made specifically for alcoholics. No one who drank and enjoyed a drink would consider it.

As a stat......say a normal can of beer...Fosters.....that would cost you about £1.25. White cider is £2.89 for 2 litres.........yup. So i look at these cans....my heart breaks as every single one the same.....white cider. I see him at 6am drinking...i have seen hi at 6pm drinking. I feel for him so. I mean it....i really feel for him.

So i think to myself....imagine if it was the other way round. What would i do if he approached ME.....and shared with ME.....he was concerned about me....a complete stranger when i was drinking? I would probably have dropped him on the spot where he stood to be fair.

Do you really expect me after my journey to walk on by when i can clearly see someone in hell?

I wondered whether i could use an excuse to approach him. Ahhhh! i thought i can say i want him to take his cans home with him and not leave them lying all over the wasteground....yet think about it, not only is that a very aggressive stance, it is likely he is drinking secretly so could not take them home. I scrubbed round that idea. Then i thought of you all.

I have not thought that ....just be myself. Go up to him, have a chat....tell him i used to drink what he was drinking and now i am finding my way with support.....i feel if i metaphorically approach him with my hands open showing my palms...expect embarrassment and maybe hostility towards me......i am sure the tiniest of chances....the smallest of interventions....may make a difference that may just be the the nudge a fellow alcoholic needs?

I would be more than interested in your thoughts. There is no rush. For what i have seen he will not be going anywhere anytime soon.

How i feel for the poor fellow.

And so this ever so foggy Blighty morning, the ole fella so loving, time to start my weekend chores....slowly does it....and my task today is to "fix my printer"...(Tryn has never fixed anything in his life....taken a few things apart though!)...as it is flashing at me and i don't know why. It flatly refuses to print...all of a sudden... and i worry the printer has decided that it is not a printer at all, has now grown up and matured, and is now infact a microwave.

Wish me luck!

Have a gentle, happy and wonderful day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-07-2017, 10:04 AM   #5011
lostdog
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I'm so glad you are better , so glad and you saw someone and something that alerted you lately. You always care for others, so I think it would be easy to just go dog walking around him and talk about your dogs. You could become his friend on that level and go from there; however, the subject of littering could be another level of him on the defense quickly. I can't stand litterbugs, it makes me mad and I would just start picking them up well one, I know it hurts to stoop for you or you could have a stick and bag. Then go from there. But you would have to be very tactful with that approach as it may seem threatening to him? If he did the littering, he may feel bad or just not care and be in his own alcoholic world, but be aware maybe for a minute about it. It would be a really slow warm up to him if he is drinking that hard of liquor in a.m. But first of all protect yourself. I don't want you to get hurt, please.....
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Unread 01-07-2017, 02:30 PM   #5012
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Hi My Little Brother, that is exciting about the new treatment consult on Tuesday. Does this lady do anything like Reiki in addition to the holistic diet thing?

As for the guy in the park, I totally agree with everything that LD said. Especially the last two sentences.

Your heart is always in the right place, just be careful for yourself.

Sending hugs!

Big Sis
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Unread 01-07-2017, 04:03 PM   #5013
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Very kind of you Tryn, approach with caution but i think you are sensible and intelligent enough to back off if you deem it dangerous. You are a good reader of people im sure. I trust you

Love, always xx
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Unread 01-08-2017, 07:47 AM   #5014
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Lost Dog....thank you for such a supportive, loving and wise letter. I listened to you Sis. My dear Big Sis Nancy, yes. It appears to me that she is a holistic healer. I am so looking forward to sharing that journey with you all. I am hoping as i go through things, i shall describe everything i am "alternatively" prescribed if you like.....and of course never take anyone's pathway unless you have consulted your Dr, however it may open up a new pathway of thought at least for us all. We shall see.

My dearest Alexis..........have you banged your head putting up your work?!?

Tryn..."sensi...babble?"...."intteligonk?....ookkk aayyy....i should not tease you, however NO ONE has ever referred to Tryn as sensible and intelligent. In honour to you my dearest Alexis, my epitaph will comprehensively state...

"Here sleeps Tryn.

A sensible and intelligent man

RIP"

I'm lovin' it dear Alexis!

Well dear ole Blighty feels much like it must be on a boat going through the "dolldrums". Still spooky, heavy, heavy smog and fog....still....so mild......really rather sumptuous. The lungs report back all is well, the ribs not needing those sudden intakes of breath, the leg not likely to slip on ice, the fingers now autonomous, the arm/elbow seeing the consultant tomorrow afternoon. It feels that apart from me....life around, holistically....has ground to a halt.

So mild it is i noticed a ladybird on my glass computer table. I still see him today as i have turned on my lamp which he/she seems to like ever so much. It's nice to have the ladybird with me.

I did not see the fellow this morning...i have had a long ole thunk about things...listened to you, taken that on board and then re-listened to my own voice armed with others thoughts.

I shall mind my own busyness is what i shall do.

However should our paths cross naturally during our walks, then i shall merely greet him as i would any other stranger. End of.

Talking of strangers, i want to share something i see as really positive for me. (I am mindful i must get boring yet i justify it much like the telly, if you are bored you can always turn it off!)...it's about the Great Man.

I knew for 20 months he was going to die. I had all that time to prepare. I even went in to give him "permission to let go"....which he then did...so you can't say i "didn't see it coming" FFKS. Not like he was hit by a bus.

When i walked out of that hospice in the weirdest daze i have ever experienced, it felt like he had just been hit by a bus. What i did not know was the ****ing bus wasn't finished.......then it came and hit me so it did.

My foggy dear ole Blighty is experiencing it's Sunday and i always share it is the "Great Mans Day"...what with him dying on a Sunday and whatnot, what that REALLY looked like was on Sundays i would doing anything not to think of him to be fair.

I have a photograph of my Jake and the Great Man in his wheelchair....5 days before he died at the Hospice, the last time he went "outdoors".... i have frankly hid it away. For or a year you know, i could not handle being sober AND feeling the loss.

This festive season, here on my todd with now dear ole Rolo....it was simply the "done" thing to put that picture in prime place on my glass living room table. It was really hard.

The tree is down...the lights have dimmed and moved on....real life has knocked on the door and been let it again for another year, the only difference is now my Great Man stays with me and the boy, pride of place in my living room.

It showed me rewards for sobriety and strength. Almost..."it was all worth it thus far"....and it is....it really is. Now when i hobble in my living room on these dark mornings, flick the lights on and i see his pic, smile and feel safe. Until now the very sight of him reduced me to dust.

So i have "got over it". I have moved on from loss and a broken heart....oh do not get me wrong, i still feel my loss and grief....i just know now, those were the foundations of where i am now.

My washing machine doing the weekend boogie as normal...yet these days i have to say to the ole fella...."Rolo!?.....what are you looking at?.....What do you think you are going to see??" as he sits handsomely watching it spin. I have a theory.

My oven has a glass door. I use my oven alot, almost everyday. The idea of the glass door is so you don't have to keep opening it to check on yer cooking so it loses heat.....thang is....so can da dog! After i have put something in the oven...hmmm....15 minutes later i have the wood of my bed creak from the other room as the waft and reached the ole fellas nose fast akippo on my bed.

In he trots, now i might have something in the oven for another 3 hours.......he will sit there.... to attention...ears up....staring....just staring. Much like human bods watch the telly....so dear ole Rolo "watches da oven"......bless him.

I think Rolo will find this foggy Blighty Sunday....there is going to be a really, really good film on this afternoon and the "Oven Roxy".

I hope you are all finding moments today to think and feel, to care and share, to be and do, and enjoy all of it.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-08-2017, 11:23 AM   #5015
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keep telling us those stories as I enjoy them. Have a good day!
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Unread 01-09-2017, 02:35 PM   #5016
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Aww, bless you dear Lost Dog. The way i navigate my journey means there is always plenty to say.

I feel absolutely terrible today. It is 5pm in my dear ole Blighty, it has drizzled..then rained....then drizzled again all day. I have spent much of the day in hospital hence the way i feel as the angels have to poke and prod, pull and shove, twist and elevate....into another x ray...then a long wait to see the Consultant who remarked that he was "blown away", (his words not mine) at how much use i had in it whilst he used his pen to show me the x ray proportioning his contention that "you shouldn't really be able to do that".

Ummm....yet i can Doc....that's all i can say. After explaining to him that i live alone and have no family and whatnot so that if i do not do my chores then my chores do not get done and that my sobriety is based on "everything in its place and a place for everything"...so maybe that is why i seemed to have progressed rather quickly.

He retorted that i may infact be doing myself damage in the long run as i would tend to just use my arm to do "what i had to"...and would therefore never get 100% full use in it. I said to him....

"Now you are confusing me. What has just happened between you being "delighted" and now this dire warning? Don't you think it is my responsibility to return my arm to the best of health now your job is done?"

He liked that, suggested various exercises that were so blindingly obvious i had to tease him. It took him 30 secs to realise i was being sarcastic. I was saying things like...."well knock me down with a feather...i would never have thought of that...." and so on. It brought a smile to his face, he pushed his feet down on the floor and "whizzed backwards" on his wheely chair.....grabbed a pain killing prescription from the printer, whizzed back, handed it to me and said, "i think you know what you're doing...keep it up, (which funnily enough my dear R Lee shared with me the other day)....and i will see you in a couple of weeks."

I can not tell you how many medical professionals i have said when i go "yeooowchh" when they prod...."never mind my arm...it's my ****ing ribs!"

So i am grateful for the intervention and care today, although i don't half hurt!

So tomorrow morning i have my Dear Milan....yay!! I have missed him over the festive season although we have been in contact as friends, however we have a very healthy professional boundary between us. I have not shared this yet, through my GP i have self referred to a psychology thingymejig...run at the surgery once a week. A six week course for those that struggle with mental health issues. Back in the day i would have thought the whole shebang a waste of time, yet i certainly can't lose anything, might learn something and will certainly meet new people. Worth a shout i thought so i rang them and have a phone chat on Wednesday morning and off we go.

When i said to you after Christmas i was going to really grasp the nettle with my holistic health, i really did mean it.

It is like the conversation me and the NHS has ended with the NHS saying...."well do it yourself then.... so there". Oh do not get me wrong, broken bones...not a problem, other things....not so.

So i am.

I have my dear Milan, this new support people, next week this healer with magic potions hopefully, and will of course still keep all my appointments with the NHS, hey they may even be doing a BOGOFF deal. (By one get one free)...pop in with a dodgy arm and come out with a broken leg as well. Can't say any fairer than that Guv'na.

I digress.

My spirits are good.....my body hurts so....Rolo is in such fine fettle as he missed me today whilst i was away. While i write, he simply rests his chin on my knee.

I am seriously contemplating applying for my driving licence now. You will never find another who will put more thought into that than me baring in mind what happened drunk. It will be 4 years ago on February 9th. I have been sober now for many, many months. It is not the point.

For me it is about my attitude, my journey now. I have had the toughest of times during sobriety, and remained sober. I was saying about empowerment? It is not so much i have "confidence" about me now, moreover i have self belief. My experience tells me they are 2 different things. Fear i feel i have the measure of...i think i know where it comes from. It does not mean i do not feel frightened, it just means i know why i do. It is like have an internal torch showing you the way when your eyes are dark.

So this really, really miserable Blighty Monday saw London totally shutdown to 4 million people trying to get to work. Carnage would not be to strong a word. Nope it did not effect me down here, yet my goodness, as a once Londoner, how i feel for those poor passengers.

And so the strikes go on...poor folk trying to do the right thing in the firing line....and the Countrys collective emotional status, their very moral fibre...gnawed to the bone. Could this be another "winter of discontent"?

To finish on a properly positive note, i have just received a txt from Lou, Lou my daughter who started her new job with a chemist, and has just passed an exam! As Dad......i responded with flowery comments of joy and pride?........none of it...."When is the next one?"......then came the pride. My dear R Lee taught me that.

Tryn is a bit of a feely bod so he is. I am feeling that the family is either deep in reflection, is struggling, or moving on.

Never forget, it is always much more fun to be in the cast rather than the audience.

Have a wonderful evening.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-09-2017, 07:54 PM   #5017
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I'm sorry you are feeling bad today, the weather can make us down too sometimes. Congrats on your daughter Lou and her exam. It is great to hear good news and people getting ahead in their careers. Proud I'm also very glad you're progressing. take care today.
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Unread 01-10-2017, 06:04 AM   #5018
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Hi my dear Little Brother, I hope you're feeling a bit better today. I must say, I love the way you talked with that doctor. I was laughing as I read your responses to him. I'm also very glad you have a session with Milan this morning.

Sending congrats to Lou, please give Rolo a pat on the head for me and sending you big hugs!

Your Big Sis
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Unread 01-10-2017, 07:51 AM   #5019
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Lost Dog and my dearest Big Sis Nancy, i can report that Tryn is in a cracking mood, Rolo has been duley patted on da head....it is raining, agggaaaiiinnnnn...and i had quite the wonderful session with dear Milan this morning.

"Proactive" is what we nattered about today. In that i am being proactive. I am walking up to my issues and not waiting for them to come to me.

It is hard to describe how a body can be in such pain, yet the spirit can be so strong. It certainly is an inspiring feeling. Much like back in the day when i was a little boy watching cowboy films....some cowboy would be shot......the gunshot wound throwing him into another County....yet up the fella would get....some woman at least half his age would wrap a handkerchief round it, and the cowboy was "good to go" so he was.

Kinda feels like that. There are 2 ways i can go today. I can really get into the pain my body is giving me, or manage that and really get into what my heart is giving me. I know which way i am going today.

I was not "unhappy" yesterday, just i hurt alot and the weather was in such a sulk it might have rubbed off a bit. I knew all through yesterday i was to see my dear Milan this morning and it was everything i hoped it would be and more. A real sense of forward motion, of "change in the act"....very special to the both of us for different reasons.

Do you remember the "dogs in the park book?"....welp, i wrote it, did not edit it or do anything else with it, so last night i got it out, read through it and you know?, it is ever so sweet, funny, very sad at times, and i could really feel the characters and personalities individually. I think there is something there. I think as a "book" it would been enjoyed by other folk.

The reason i "put it away" when i finished it was because i didn't, and wouldn't have a clue what to do next with it. Therein my dear brothers and sisters is my opportunity to learn and grow some more. I will see it as a "project" this year to find out "what does one do with a book they have written".....How exciting.

So i have the "phone consultation" with the psychology self help thingy tomorrow morning, and another NHS appointment tomorrow afternoon with the lung people. My dear ole Blightys weather is due to capitalistically change in the next 48 hours! We are all going to get snow....which normally would mean....as it is Blighty....1 snowflake = trains do not run. Far....far too dangerous. However, as the drivers are all on ****ing strike anyway.....you know what....(to the music....)...."let it snow...let it snow..... let it snnnoooowwww!"

Learn from some of our Eastern brothers and sisters in Europe and ****king ski to work. There you go....**** the train drivers. Wouldn't it make them look silly if folk got to work without them?

Anyhew, as my dear ole Blighty prepares itself and the clock hands almost falling asleep at 11.30am....needing that "bit extra" to wean its hand all the way up to midday, so my clock can have some of my energy, so much of it i have today.

I spread my arms as wide as i can to act as a huge dish that looks out from the tops of mountains, sending out messages to everything that can hear, and by listening to everything that is said from all over our world. In doing so i hope just a tiny bit of my energy today reaches all the most precious people i have in my world.

As i said to dear Milan this morning....

"There is never a right time or a wrong time to say.....Thank you".

Thank you.

Have a cracking day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-10-2017, 02:19 PM   #5020
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Tryn, Accepting the pain is what life is all about.I got up asked for another day of sobriety & the strength to accept what come down the chute.

Get on the net & figure what to do with your book.

Have a good one.
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Unread 01-10-2017, 03:27 PM   #5021
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I love the hope and positiveness you're exuding, Tryn, even with the discomfort and pain. You are the strongest person I know. <3

Hope you had a good day.
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Unread 01-10-2017, 09:33 PM   #5022
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yes, I like it too Millie and he writes so nice too. Have a good pain free day with lots of luv from sweet Rolo. Today I was at a nursing facility and there was a cute little dog there and oh I pet her for a good while. I even thought of little Rolo and I was thinking she looked like him.
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Unread 01-11-2017, 07:34 AM   #5023
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dear R Lee, you will never know quite what hearing from you does to my day. Of course yes, Tryn is on it Re a way forward for this stack of paper.

My dearest Millie and my dearest Lost Dog, it really is very simple. I write to you all about my journey each day, my brothers and sisters are there to share it, and the responses give me hope and positivity. Without you all, i am nothing, just empty and soulless.

You are "my family" simply because of what anyone would know to be the values of a family. I believe these values that we all are, make us who we are, and guide us to what each day empowers us to become.

So today has not gotton off to the best of starts. I had my phone assessment with the surgery who...after 45 minutes..concluded that as i was already receiving treatment from my dear Milan, "i could not do both".

Oh right, ooookkaayyy......presumably i am now going to hear something about there being a "conflict".....and it duly came. Soi am afraid that really did amount to a hil;l of beans.

Never mind....onwards and upwards. I have the alkaline practitioner next week, of course my dear Milan, and never forget when you reach out, in anyway, even if you do not get the outcome you wanted or were expecting, you have lost nothing and gained more knowledge. It really is sometimes about walking up to doors that keep closing, and just keep going....one will open.

When our dear Millie shares so consistently how grateful she is for each and every day, so i can relate to that a whole bunch so i can. It provides a vision through your daily minds eye that is empowering in circumstances where positivity could be seen to be in short supply. The self belief i feel when you share back what you have heard from my words, and what i am able to share back what i hear from yours, a truly, truly magical and gift giving dynamic.

You have all given me hope and positiveness my dearest Millie....that is where it has come from.

A short letter this morning as i now need to take the ole fella for a meander as i am off to hospital again this afternoon to the respiratory folk. So Tryn might be out of puff later, yet he will never be short of words.

Have a wonderful day...y'all....

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-11-2017, 08:48 AM   #5024
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I hope things look up soon, it will. I'm probably the only person who uses ya'll, my kids don't. I just like it so I saw that quickly in your letter. take care sweet Tryn.
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Unread 01-11-2017, 03:33 PM   #5025
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Tryn, popping in to say i love you and hope you get better soon. Thanks for being proud of me xx
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Unread 01-12-2017, 06:39 AM   #5026
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Lost Dog, how i can imagine you saying "y'all!". My dearest Alexis being proud of you, and in you, is as easy as crossing the road on a Sunday morning so it is.

Not in good shape today to be fair which is really annoying me. I have still a few fingers in pies and was getting into a well being health project being talked about within the local community. It is made up of local community groups, housing providers, the council etc, and this afternoon i had been invited to a presentation around "what things might look like"....and to kick some ideas around. I had been looking forward to this day as this sort of stuff is right up my street and the fellow that is the driving force behind it has recognised this and we have exchanged many e mails around the concept. Today was a 3 hour "do" bringing everyone together, some networking and whatnot. Smashing.

I can't do it. I just can't. I had a really difficult night for sleeping, my respiratory appointment yesterday could frankly have been alot better and now has future work to be done. My dear ole Blighty has almost ground to halt with strikes, snow, here hammering rain that is due to turn to snow this afternoon, a howling wind....and i can't ****king breathe properly. 45 minutes each way to the bus stop, 30 minute each way after that all in horrendous weather....and a 3 hour meeting. Even if i got there i doubt i would be capable of contributing much. Hence my serious contemplation of getting my driving licence back now.

So Tryn is properly pissed off this morning. I am angry at me, my conditions, the weather, being an alcoholic/addict, otherwise i would have my licence as well as my health, the fact i have no money so can't get taxis......i do beg your pardon.....am i boring you?!....The list does go on you know......

.....And quite right to.

Sometimes my dear brothers and sisters the fact of the matter is that life can ****ing suck. When it does it is ok to feel all the things i have described..so long....so long as it is kept in context, in the moment. For any type of sustained negativity to harm, an allowance is given to it for it to flourish. I now stamp my feet, (metaphorically!) and let it go like a helium balloon. I do not give it a platform so it can justify itself. Frankly, i do not give it a chance to grow. It is a conscious choice. My heart over rules my immaturity.

So it all sure sucks today and i am feeling nicely sorry for myself which these days means i can eat some CHOCOLATE!!!YAY!!!!.....Rolo gets extra treats....(oh how he loves me having the hump).....i will play with him, hug him.....(he is not the worlds most accomplished hugger so one needs to be wary of his gnashers!) and through it all..."my mind will change"....it will pass. My gratitude for all i am and all i have will float gently back into the atmosphere that is me.

Tomorrow i have the dentists! Yeeh Hah and whipcrack away folks. Lets hope health allows it. My dentist is superb. She totally and utterly gets me. I do not "look forward to it"...yet her ways and manner take almost all the fear out of it. I am very lucky there.

You know whilst i write to you all.....if i am feeling a tad sorry for myself i find it hard to keep it up by sharing with you all. There is always a smile in my heart as i see all your faces, feel all your warmth and share the lighter side of life at times. So sometimes, it does not matter how hard i try to feel sorry for myself....i mean i've earnt this goddamitt!.....and my self pity slinks away foolishly.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that this snow happens so i can have the new experience of sharing the snow with dear ole Rolo. I wonder if my aim is still true with my good arm? Hmmmmmm.......Rolo better be quick!

So my lovelinesses, if self pity is with you today....play with it....feel it....then discard it. Just like a rotten apple.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-12-2017, 07:27 AM   #5027
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Hi my Little Brother, I don't really understand the thinking behind that because you have Milan you can't do anything else. But, I suppose it is what it is and let it go in one of those helium balloons. I'm glad you are being truthful in how you're feeling - you expressed yourself so beautifully with your balloon metaphor. Sometimes just writing things down like that and then letting it go works wonders. You can also print it out, crumple it up and then stomp on it. Literally.

Hope you and Rolo have a good day together indulging in snacks. If it does snow, may it last long enough to share it with Rolo, but not too long to become a pain in the butt!

Sending many hugs,

Your Big Sister
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Unread 01-12-2017, 04:37 PM   #5028
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Up up & away I am Tryn letting it go.

My heart rules over my immaturity. We have to work on that. Progress not perfection.

Hugs Bro.
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Unread 01-12-2017, 06:17 PM   #5029
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I'm sorry you had a bad day. You're so filled with positiveness so much of the time, I guess it's inevitable, isn't it, to have an off day now and then?

I hope that you can get some decent sleep tonight. Know we're with you, and tomorrow is a new day.

Hugs...
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Unread 01-13-2017, 04:56 AM   #5030
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Thank you my dear Big Sis Nancy. As our dear Millie says i do like to stay positive, like we all do, yet sometimes it gets a bit too much and at those times i have learnt to share it and let it go. I accept "difficult days" a part of the journey, and during difficult days keeping myself safe and real.

My dear R Lee, yes progress for sure, just 1 day at a time my dear, dear R Lee.

My dearest Millie, inevitable it undoubtedly is, however how i react, how i cope is changing. I can feel it, moreover i can live it now.

I have had quite the most fantastic of starts to the day. It has just gone 8.30am in my dear ole Blighty it has taken me an hour to warm up after our walk this morning although reading dear Sams letter was filled with enough warmth he could have melted the ice caps so he could. What a beautiful soul he is. And?.....and?.......

ITS BEEN SNOWING!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!

I've been filming the ole Fella waddling along leaving his impressive paw prints where they once lay......and today...such was his excitement, he broke into a gallop. What a handsome fellow he is in full flight. As he rocketed towards me i did share with him...."you still gorrit ole fella!" It was magical walk.....goodness me the arctic wind was cold yet i rather resemble the character from "South Park" with the hoody. There is really not "much of me to see". I look much like a stores "winter clothing dept"....going for a walk. If you look very......very carefully..... you might just catch a glimpse of the "lesser spotted Tryn"... eyes.

So now the hum of the rush hour traffic beginning to dim as if it were merely getting further away, the morning sky such a clear myriad of blues as if someone very special stayed up all night colouring it in for us to awake to so perfect does it look. It empowers me to recognise yesterday as a trying day, yet all things said and done a successful one for a sober alcoholic.

Today i have the dentist at 12.30pm. It is the follow up from the abscess. It is not lost on me....dentist....Friday 13th = ?

Not that long ago i would have behaved in a "silly way" about that. Now i happen to think it is hysterical! You wait until i get into the dentists waiting room. I am really going to enjoy this. I shall strike up conversations and tell dark dentists storys of Friday the 13teeth....Oh yes........hopefully if i can scare enough folk away i met get seen early. Worth a shout.

In all seriousness i am not overly anxious, and it will be good to see where we are we the ole gnashers and what happens next. I have had, ummm, 4 out now over about a year......methinks my bottom left wisdom days are numbered. We shall see.

So the little boy in me just wants to go and play in the snow with my dear Rolo, some chores first and that is just what i shall do before i head off to the dentists.

Whatever you are doing, do it with everything you've got.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-13-2017, 11:14 AM   #5031
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Hows the dentist gone Tryn? Hope all was well.

Yes snow here in London too, madness last night - thought the horrible weather would put people off visiting my exhibition! Was ok though thank fully.

Cold cold cold isnt it. Freeeeeezing.

Love you xx
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Unread 01-13-2017, 11:53 PM   #5032
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Tryn, Hope all went well today & you behaved in the dentist chair!!
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Unread 01-14-2017, 05:51 AM   #5033
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Bbbbrrrrrrrr my dearest Alexis! Goodness gracious me it is bitterly cold outside today. I have to say however that at exactly 5.56am, (i looked at my watch) the sky was a glistening gold. It was a stunning winter sunrise showing off in a way that would have made Tryn proud. My dear, dear R Lee i can report that i did indeed behave myself yesterday and it led to a very comprehensive conversation around the score.

The bottom line is i have very serious gum disease, we all know why. The fabulous, (and rather fetching) dentist sat me down with the x rays and frankly explained what i had done to myself. There is nothing that can be done now to reverse this and my teeth are all very loose as my gums have "faded away" leaving not much of a house for my teeth to live in. Hence the infections and abscesses. I have been referred to have my last 2 wisdoms out and it was then she told me something that really motivated me.

As is the meltdown in the NHS, dentists will now no longer do anything other than take your teeth out....if you smoke. Now as you all know i have stopped smoking and i have done that with the support of the "smoking nurse"....(a peculiar thing to call her as i imagine going to the surgery, being called through to see the smoking nurse to find her smoking and coughing away like a gooden! Surely she should be called the NO smoking nurse?)....anyhew, i get patches and gum and they have a testing device you blow into and it tells the nurse the toxicity levels and whatnot so you can not get away with sneaky ciggies. It means it is evidenced based, and the dentist believes me therefore. (As well of not reeking of the stuff). She told me that as i had given up smoking which she could not praise me enough about, (i asked her if she had a "sticker" that said something like "Champion or Star"....apparently they had run out)...it meant i could be referred to have them out, a deep clean of what is left and dentures and whatnot when the time comes. If i smoke.....forget it! I stood at the bus stop to come home and little Tryn was just that inch taller so he was. I looked up at the display to see the time of the next bus..."8 mins"....oh shit i thought...that means 25 mins. The wind was not going around me...it was going straight through me, God it was cold. I could not wait to get home and make a cuppa and be with dear ole Rolo. The bus "met in the middle" and turned up 15 mins later, i got on.....it was ummm...1.30pm and 2 chaps at the back having a row with each other. They were arguing about whose turn it was to buy the next can of alcohol as each of them had a can in their hand, both of them smashed.

Forgive me for this.....yet i had to cover my mouth such was the size of my smile. I know i should not have done, i know it was naughty, yet i just thought it was so, so very funny. It was breathtakingly pathetic much like 2 schoolchildren scwabbling over sweets/candy in the playground. Of course i know it wasn't funny, it just tickled me some and i couldn't help it. I looked out of the bus window across the snow covered school sports fields as the bus chugged along and such was the racket these 2 were making i was able to say out loud, yet still under my breath...."thank **** i am sober".

I do not know if it is the same for other brothers and sisters, yet rarely at first, and now relatively often, it actually comes to me...."shit....i'm sober.....and i love it!"

So just a couple of days ago, goodness you know what a bad day i had....how i was feeling. I was right to share it. I was right to let it go simply because it empowered me to have a yesterday. Today i feel proud, i can really, REALLY feel the progress i am making. My dear Saint and my dear R Lee often taught me "progress not perfection".......bless them for it. Now i have seen for myself....there is no perfection, only progress... for progress is perfection in itself.

My weekend chores have started, this is my tea break. How fortunate i am that when it is time for a break from my day i can enter a room full of people i love, sit down have a natter, and get back to work. This family is as much as my day as breakfast.

I have an overwhelming need within me. It is like nuclear power in that it is limitless. Since, in my eyes, this family saved my life, so it burns deep in me to give and share all the love i have with you. I want to be "your app". As you go about your business and your days, i want to be an "add on"...that makes you smile, makes you feel and empowers you to care for yourself. If you all cared just half as much as i cared for you all, you would do just fine.

Have a wonderful, wonderful day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-14-2017, 08:30 AM   #5034
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Tryn what a great story you set the scene so perfectly i felt i was there with you, in person, not spirit.

You are a dream to me, the best person i know. Thanks for encouraging me and being there when i need you.

xx
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Unread 01-14-2017, 10:34 AM   #5035
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I agree with Alexis, what a descriptive kind letter to us and a hand to reach. I am on your app....
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Unread 01-14-2017, 12:48 PM   #5036
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So glad to see the joy in you over being sober & things went well at the dentist. Have a good one Tryn.
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Unread 01-14-2017, 03:59 PM   #5037
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'smoking nurse' ahahahhhaaaaahaaaaaaa

Your letter made my day.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
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Unread 01-15-2017, 02:18 PM   #5038
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Hows your special Sunday been Tryn? x
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Unread 01-16-2017, 07:24 AM   #5039
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How are you and Rolo today?
Mum said it's windy up in Liverpool, but not so cold.
Hugs and Bonios
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Unread 01-16-2017, 09:47 AM   #5040
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dear Alexis, how sweet of you to remember that Sundays are the Great Mans day. I was not terribly well yesterday and thinking of the dear ole chap made me better.

Dear Caris, what a sublime and quite thunderingly stunning letter you wrote at your place. Your line ....."i am all 3"....yup, so we all are. Challenging at times is it not?

And so a wet....dreary Monday in my dear ole Blighty. You are right in that it is mild dear Caris AKA Soapdish, although i reside down south in this green and pleasant land, and from here to Liverpool is mega...mega miles for dear ole Blighty, yet a mere Sunday drive to our brothers and sisters in the Big Place.

My dear Alexis will remember that i shared i had received my WCA...(Work Capability Assessment).....along with my PIP form. (Personal Independence Payments). These are financial payments given to those in dear ole Blighty declared unfit for work due to disability/illness.

The assessments carried out at first by "ATOS" and now the controversial American organisation called "Maximus", cause uproar with "horror" storys abound as to who has been found fit for work, and who has not. So the level of anxiety is huge for most people.

This is the way it works.

I receive ESA....(Employment and Support Allowance). Once a month i receive DLA. (Disability living Allowance). The maths are that i receive £800 a month income, £550 a month bills, so i have about £10 a day to live on. I can manage that no problem.

So i go to my assessments, and as the Country is really stuck financially and Brexit is beginning to **** us ALL up the arse....not just those leavers....350,000 people in 2 years starting now, will be ineligible for these benefits.

Sope, if i get found "fit for work", in 4 weeks my income will go from £800 per month to £280. Now i have no right of appeal for 6 months as the DWP, (Department for Work and Pensions)....as sooo many were appealing and winning, (i have appealed and won 6 times)...they would send it to a "decision maker" first to look over it again. Once a "decision maker" has confirmed the decision, you are 6 months down the line on £280 per month. .....NOW....you have the right to appeal.

So you do. That process now takes between 10-12 months. So from start to finish to win your appeal will take a year and a half, and baring in mind we are talking vulnerable people......how many can?

So this whole Sunday.....the whole of today so far....i have been "completing my forms"....goodness me if only you knew some of the questions!....they are quite brain-fading so they are.

My gorgeous brothers and sisters?.....It is done. It is even in the envelope...(jiffy bag).....as i have sent "supporting evidence" that makes what Barristers wheel into Court in boxes look like toilet paper.

So now i wait. I will get a letter in about 2 weeks time telling me i have to be assessed for all my ills by a total stranger who is not even a GP. It will take about 40 minutes and the physical examination time of that is roughly 3-4 minutes. For 96% of the assessment you see the top of someones head as they are reading questions, not looking at you to hear the answer, and literally ticking a box.

15 Questions.

You need to get "15 points" on any one of them to receive the benefit.

So they give each question points from 0-15...hear your answer and tick da box.

So i have 0 points on 14 of the questions...yet just one question....one single question i score 15. I get the benefit. So my amassed points for the assessment is 15. I get the money.

Next chap.

He scores 14 on every question. Yet you need 15 on one to qualify.

His score was 210....mine 15.......i walk away with the money, he walks away with nothing.

My darling family, it is not a pretty picture.

Yet it brings me back to my dear R Lee, my dearest Brother Saint that "brought me up"....they have always taught me to stay in the day. Keep it simple. It has been surprisingly ****ing difficult to do so it has.....yet my goodness....it is worth it. It is worth the comforting solitude of oneself at peace.

I am at peace. I could not do that without sobriety. As much as i curse sobriety, so now i embrace it.

I am off to the Cardiologist this afternoon. Lovely fellow. We generally talk about cricket, yet lately he has become more serious. It is drizzling, coming up to 13.45, my appointment at 3.15pm.

It will be a grey journey on da bus. Yet you know?....the most wonderful thing about us all in this family is that always....ALWAYS..........."D...aaaaa......wheeels on da bus go round and round...round and round.....round and round....the wheels go round on da bus alllll...dayyyyy long. The bus driver says...i'm gonna scare you...i'm gonna scare...." sorry...a different version!

Wherever you are today, i hope the wheels on your bus are going round and round.

Have a quite wonderful day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-16-2017, 05:24 PM   #5041
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Just jump through the hoops Tryn. I hope you get good news from the Cardiologist.

Have a great day.
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Unread 01-16-2017, 05:36 PM   #5042
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You will get that 15. I hope your appointments all go well. I really prayed and wished you through that last ill session you had, so I will continue to do so. Take care today and I saw a little dog that looked like Rolo today.
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Unread 01-17-2017, 03:45 PM   #5043
Tryntryagain
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Good evening everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dear, dear R Lee....yesirreee....it is the way to go. My dearest Lost Dog, i meet you everyday. I am a very tired fellow so can not write individually to you all at the moment, yet if you are reading this Dearest Alexis....yes...Re into prisons....that is a way to go.

All of you have had to put up with Tryn banging on about this being a family to me, after i did everything possible to get ejected...rejected and darn right booted out, here i am now.

This morning.....when i got back with the ole fella, there was a letter from I Am Trying.

Every part of me lit up. If i had been hit by a bus today, (which is not as unlikely as you may think for a Tryn)....it would still have been a good day.

When I Am Trying was on that particular journey, the one he shared, i have no words for the strength it gave me in the place i was.

Think about it.

Go through my ramblings over the years...many years now.....i reckon 15-20 people have been involved....hands on.....said their piece.....and truly, truly empowered me because i wanted to empower myself. So who are the other 150,000?

All of us. My brothers and sisters are not just the ones that find a way to share, and in a way those that i can speak to yet not yet see, are as much a part of me and this family to me.

That has come about as i have many experiences like I Am Trying. I have peeled myself off a living room floor at 5am.......out of dry vomit.....and read this family's journey.

I am lucky. I am sober today. There will be many reading this totally...utterly....and completely out of their minds. I joined this family when i was not "out of my mind"...i had lost it completely.

You can find it again.

So I Am Trying...with your clouds, your strength, your job, ...there is you. The maths say a fraction of us find our strength from sharing ourselves in this way. All i can say is when i had lost my mind, those around me that had found theirs.....got me here.

It has been a breathtakingly extraordinary day. I would say it ranks as one of the best i have had in a long, long time. It consisted of My dear Milan at 8.30am, followed by the alkaline Practitioner.......whom Rolo was all OOOOvvverrrr...(it really was dreadfully funny).....and i feel like a sponge soaking wet with new knowledge, excitement....energy and love.

I shared the other day that it does not come down to luck.

Sometimes it does.

I am so, so tired. I can not wait till the dawn.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-17-2017, 04:08 PM   #5044
Alexis
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Tryn i hope you sleep very well. 8pm and cold and dark down in London. Ill keep my fingers crossed for you regarding the ESA/PIP forms.

Love you very much xx
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Unread 01-17-2017, 06:17 PM   #5045
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An Alkaline Practitioner, sounds very interesting. I saw a service dog today and it looked like Rolo too. Take care each day and progress with your wellness.
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Unread 01-18-2017, 01:35 AM   #5046
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Tryn,
You are an amazing human whom I am happy and proud to call a friend, a brother, a peer. You bring such light and love to this family, you share unconditionally with all here. Your life truly has been an open book and I have learned much from you in the years I have known you. I stopped by to tell you I am grateful for you and pass along something so simple and yet so profound. It's a small phrase of few words, unlike yourself and when it was spoken to me the words resonated . So I hope you find some measure of comfort when I say "Tryn, you add to my happiness."

With love and much respect,
Saint
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Unread 01-18-2017, 05:44 AM   #5047
soapdish
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I second that.
Tryntryagain, with each post here you add to my happiness, enrichen my day and help me heal.
I am a newbie on this forum but it already feels like you are a wise uncle, whom I can talk to anytime
Big hugs
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Unread 01-18-2017, 06:42 AM   #5048
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Hi Saint!!

My dear Little Brother, I'm glad you had a fabulous day yesterday. I hope today is just as good, if not, better for you.

When you feel like it, I'd love to know more about the alkaline practitioner appointment.

Sending big hugs from your Big Sis.
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Unread 01-18-2017, 07:12 AM   #5049
Tryntryagain
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Alexis, thank you for your support around the ESA/PIP. They have been sent off now so its just about waiting to find out what they will do now. I do hope soon you will be back at home with Jackson. You have had such a time of it lately and i am immensely proud of what you are achieving.

My dearest Lost Dog, such a gentle and kind soul. Thank you.

My dearest Saint, my friend, my brother and a mentor to me. I am humbled by your words, and whereas....(as you know!).....Tryn once used to act "all tough" with my rages and rants, my sobriety has found me actually to be quite a sensitive soul. I am not "tough" at all. I am softy. That being the case your letter brought me to tears. When i think back those years to when i first joined this beautiful family, i can't quite recognise myself. I can remember....seriously.......looking at the computer screen many, many years ago....the early hours of the morning trying to write and seeing the name "Saint" on the screen and trying to focus as the room started spinning. I can remember writing to you in the mornings and a couple of paragraphs would take me hours, as frequent dashes to the bathroom to vomit, and my hands shaking sooo much everything would be mispelt. Cold sweat dripping off my face and landing on the keys of my keyboard. I was days if not hours away from death. My dear R Lee and yourself never left my side. It did not matter what nonsense i would come out with, my anger, my temper, you both had my number, you both had my back. You guided me to believe i was worth well being and you encouraged me to find the courage that you knew i had.

Out of it, my journey with you is the Andy, the Tryn who writes to you today. I go on, and on, and on.....i know that. Yet there is method in my madness. My whole life was so ****ed up. My memories were torture. I was so scared, so frightened...."Mr tough guy Tryn".....of absolutely everything. I do believe i was scared of my own shadow. Just like a car crash....i felt as if i had just had one, and was "wandering around life" in a daze. For me it was impossible to unravel what had happened, who i was, what i was. Years later it matters not what has gone before. Life is here...and now. So like one giving an "acceptance speech"....and the speaker thanks those whom he loves and could not have achieved without.

So with that in mind, for any of you out there that like reading my journey and my strange ways, if it was not for Carly, Saint and my dear R Lee right at the beginning, there would no storys, no journey and no Tryn. It is not too much, it is not an exaggeration to share that after you saved my life, i was able to re-find my soul. 1 day at a time i now live my life. It is a quiet life, for sure i have health issues to constantly manage, yet i accept...i ACCEPT....the consequences of my actions. My dear brother Saint...EVERY single day i live now, in that day will contain contentment, happiness, laughter and the sharing with my dear Rolo. I have my challenges and problems like the rest of us, i do what i can, then i put it away. I see, much like our dear Millie, each day truly as a gift. Writing to you all is an honour. I feel privileged. There is no greater love in me than the love i have for this family. Thank you dear Saint.

My dear Soapdish, it really does go both ways. I give what i get, everytime. Sobriety has empowered me to re-organise my morals, principles and ethics, to find my heart and to listen to it.

When i was 12....i shall never forget it, it was the middle of the night, i was sitting in Oxford Street in London on the wet pavement with a tramp next to me with his sleeping bag. He was a seasoned old fellow, and that night i "spilled the beans"...told him where i came from, my privileged background and whatnot, and he said this to me.....

"Listen Son....Never tell anyone....ANYONE....where you came from or who you are. Do you understand me?"

I remember actually saying, "Yes Sir".

And i never did.

That is until i found the courage and sobriety with this family. By writing, by sharing my life with you, enables me to learn about myself each day, and as my love for you all is as pure as mountain spring water, so my heart gets nourished everyday. I know many our there have the same struggles, the same issues and the same history as me. If by sharing my ups and my downs, my confusion and my clarity, my strengths and my weaknesses, so we can all grow together.

I do love you all.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-18-2017, 09:06 AM   #5050
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Glad its all sent off Tryn, i suppose its just wait and see now. Ill be praying (in my own non god way!!) that you get it all.

Missing you....i see a train to Bristol here at the station and wish i could pop on it and visit you and Rolo xx
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