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Unread 05-09-2017, 01:52 AM   #351
Alexis
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HEY SD Good morning!

Yes i have to admit, like LD, that i also talk like a counsellor! I think because ive had so much therapy and i explore mental illness in my work, well i suppose it is inevitable if i speak like one at times. Thats ok though, people appreciate it. And it is good to learn about yourself.

Be careful with the working obsession, it will drive you down eventually. You need to give yourself plenty of rest, you need to eat, drink water...(see there goes the counsellor talk!)

You have the opportunity to achieve great things SD, just make sure you take care of yourself. We love you here and want you to be happy.

xx
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Unread 05-09-2017, 04:48 AM   #352
soapdish
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Ooh what warm letters to wake up to this morning!

Thanks guys.

Lots of love to you
Xxxxxx
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Unread 05-10-2017, 12:09 PM   #353
Alexis
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how are you SD? xx
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Unread 05-10-2017, 12:56 PM   #354
soapdish
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Hi,

I am ok thanks.
Improving I reckon. Just have to keep it up!

Xxxxxx
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Unread 05-10-2017, 01:27 PM   #355
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Thats great to hear SD, you are an inspiration for sure xx
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Unread 05-11-2017, 02:42 PM   #356
Alexis
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Hey SD hows your day been? xx
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Unread 05-11-2017, 03:13 PM   #357
lostdog
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Hi SD, how are you today? Wishing a great day for you.🎉🎶💟
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Unread 05-12-2017, 05:01 AM   #358
soapdish
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Hi,

Thanks LD, Alexis.
Wishing a great day back at you 🎶🎤🎷🐅🐇💐🍒
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Unread 05-12-2017, 05:28 AM   #359
Alexis
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You working again? hope you give yourself some relaxing time as well xx
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Unread 05-12-2017, 06:08 AM   #360
soapdish
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Hi, yes until 8pm. An early finish today ha!
All my lessons today are with kids or teens, so fun and inspirational.

Last night a friend came over and declared his love for me and tried it on! I clammed up and went as stiff as a wooden plank. Oh geez. Anyway, nothing happened but after he went home I was so hyper I didn't go to bed until 3.45am.
I am my own worst enemy indeed. So this evening I will definitely unwind and go to bed earlier. I'm glad I don't have an evening course. Ok waffling now...

Have a wonderful day all of you

Lots of love and hugs and also kisses
Xxxxxxx
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Unread 05-12-2017, 09:16 AM   #361
lostdog
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I understand SD, have a nice day. Big hugs, I like your emojis.
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Unread 05-12-2017, 09:48 AM   #362
Alexis
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Yes an early finish for you indeed, just in time for Everton

Uh oh...do you like this friend or not? (in that way)

Damn....what a predicament. Funny, my friend also told me the same a few weeks ago, and she has a boyfriend. Was very awkward. She went to kiss me and i pretended i had dropped my phone hahahah

Love you SD, enjoy the inspiring kids! xx
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Unread 05-12-2017, 03:33 PM   #363
soapdish
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No my heart is completely closed. I literally put my arms up in front and crossed them protecting my heart. It was slightly weird and embarassing but it was honestly just a plain subconscious/physical reaction. I didn't decide to do that, I just put my arms up in defense. oops
He was very nice about it. So nice in fact but he is very vain and too attached to his cellphone, and he boasted about being really good at chess when he didn't even know how pawns take other pieces! he also smells of garlic.
Ha i am being really horrible now. Sorry, it was just to make you all smile. All I really mean is that I don't like him enough to tell him to wait for me.

Last edited by soapdish; 05-12-2017 at 03:36 PM.. Reason: removed something that was funny but aggressive and not me
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Unread 05-12-2017, 03:38 PM   #364
Alexis
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haha well i did certainly laugh a lot hahaha sorry Mr!!

I know what you mean though....i have a major wall up around my heart too i wish i didnt though xx
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Unread 05-12-2017, 08:27 PM   #365
lostdog
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it's ok, guys should not eat garlic.....
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Unread 05-13-2017, 05:12 PM   #366
Alexis
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Hope you are well SD, are you off tomorrow? xx
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Unread 05-14-2017, 05:25 AM   #367
soapdish
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Hi,

Doing ok. I will work this morning and go for a walk later. I might make sone cookies and do some gardening as well, it's actually my birthday today 🤣

I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself but it'll pass I know it. Deep down I am fine and everything will be alright in the end if I just relax more.

Have a nice weekend
Xxxxxx
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Unread 05-14-2017, 05:36 AM   #368
Alexis
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oh my lord, happy happy happy birthday

Make sure you spend the afternoon doing nice things, YES bake cookies or a cake, garden, lovely walk. You deserve it SD.

I hope you can relax more, you really are amazing and ill keep telling you that

xxx
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Unread 05-14-2017, 06:35 AM   #369
soapdish
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Thanks Alexis, you're so kind and sweet to me.

Maybe it's the other way around: I'm not ok deep down, only on the surface. Oh I don't know. I'm just having a moment, I guess. Feel a bit weepy.

But you are absolutely right, I should do stuff I like today and not waste the day with pessimism.

So now I will go and distract myself.

Sometimes I feel like Arnold Schwarzeneger in the film Total Recall. I could do with a holiday from myself!
Used to find that in a glass of whisky now I have to use healthier ways and that's just hard sometimes because I make it hard with so much mental masturbation.
Sorry to be so wimpy and low mood today. Now I will perk up, I promise. It's my birthday and a Sunday for goodness sake!

Ok good day everyone, what are you up to?

Xxxxxxx
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Unread 05-14-2017, 06:55 AM   #370
Alexis
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Hey its ok to be weepy! Dont worry, maybe a good cry will do you the world of good? I havent cried for ages even though i need too...

Maybe watch a crying film? Titanic? haha

Or read a good book to get lost in.

Im not doing much today, still got this damn cold so lemsip and football for me. Maybe some reading too...

Will be thinking of you and singing Happy Birthday also xx
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Unread 05-14-2017, 07:14 AM   #371
NancyB
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Happy birthday dear soapdish! I hope you can make some time to relax today and eat cake or cookies (or both).

Nancy
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Unread 05-14-2017, 05:54 PM   #372
lostdog
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Happy, Happy Birthday to the sweet, loving, kind, gorgeous SD! May your day be filled with such joy for your fabulous birth day of celebration!:
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Unread 05-15-2017, 04:20 PM   #373
soapdish
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Thanks so much for the sweet messages yesterday.

xxxxxxxxxxxx
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Unread 05-16-2017, 03:33 PM   #374
Alexis
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How are you today SD? xx
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Unread 05-16-2017, 04:47 PM   #375
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Hi SD, what are you up to, my son't gf texted me the other day on mother's day and said " what kind of trouble are you getting in today" I thought that was cute. Hope you are having a nice winding down May with the children.
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Unread 05-17-2017, 03:01 AM   #376
soapdish
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That was indeed very cute of your son's gf

I'm ok, thank you for asking.

Hope you all have a good day.
Xxxxx
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Unread 05-17-2017, 03:45 AM   #377
Alexis
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Glad you are well SD, please have a good day, im thinking of you xx
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Unread 05-17-2017, 08:51 PM   #378
lostdog
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Hi SD,I hope you are doing well!
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Unread 05-18-2017, 04:14 PM   #379
soapdish
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I am doing ok LD.
Thank you very much for asking.

I'm just trying to be healthy, stay calm and relaxed, and not do stupid or reckless things.

xoxo
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Unread 05-18-2017, 10:59 PM   #380
lostdog
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well, I don't think you do things stupid or reckless, you are doing lots of good things in your life. It's almost the weekend, so I hope that is good too.
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Unread 05-19-2017, 02:14 PM   #381
soapdish
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Oh yes LD I can be very stupid and reckless if I'm not careful, and yes the arrival of the weekend is always good!
So as you know, I work 10 hours on Saturday but they are all good lessons so I don't mind, then Sunday is vegetation day.
However, this Sunday I am going for a picnic with some old friends. I haven't seen some of them for 4 years or longer. I normally always say no to these kind of social events, and especially reunions, but I've decided to go because I need to get out of myself and practise social situations and cultivate friendships again. Actually I feel really fine about it, which is a first. I've stopped any mental masturbation and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone and facing up to the challenge of being around lots of couples with their kids or pregnancies. I guess it's this new found strength and knowing it's no big deal if I fail at being sociable. If I don't go I've failed. I will at least try and go and enjoy myself. If I feel too weird or awkward with them all playing happy families, then I will just come home. I won't be hard on myself. I'm being much much nicer to myself and that really helps to keep a positive outlook.

I'm still trying to find counselling but it is so hard to find someone! So I have just been reading a lot. I reckon I'll have to go into the city, which is a pain in the arse, but I am at the point where I don't know what to do because I feel ok in general, maintaining a positive outlook like I say, but I know something isn't right and people have started asking me if i'm ok because of my appearance. I can't remember anything about anything that happened longer than a week ago, only my early childhood. I'm a little bit scared about this new memory block that has started, so I'm feeling a sense of urgency to speak to someone.

Nice things that happened today, on the other hand, are:
1. There is gentle spring storm passing overhead, clearing the air and making me feel alive. Sun, rolling thunder, rain, clouds, rainbow all at once!
2. We made craft tacos from homemade paper today! They were AMAZING. They looked sooooo real. We sang a very funny song about them and the kids were so happy to come to class today. That makes me very happy.
3. I finished at 8pm and now I have the whole evening to chill and read NG magazine and learn something new about our sublime world.

Good evening to you all
....and hugs and kisses because I'm not so formal as to ever actually say 'good evening to you all' (unless I said it in a silly voice).

xxxxxxxxoooooooooo
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Unread 05-19-2017, 03:34 PM   #382
Sam Bailey
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Hey Soapdish!

You are such a thoughtful person. Thoughtful, yet with a big old dollop of fun.

I'm sorry that you're feeling, at times, sorta lost. Do you think ANY of this feeling(s) is influenced, in any way, to your ex-fella...and the recent communications with him? NOT saying this is so. I surely don't know. Yet, whew! what a dramatic event. Emotionally dramatic, I mean.

Well, since NO ONE will have that coffee with me, I suppose I'll run out on my own for that tasty Starbucks.

Btw: I've been having...issues with getting posted properly. Ergo, I haven't been posting much recently. Kinda frustrating. Oh well.

I so like that you're being forgiving to yourself...being kind to you. Yay Soapdish!

best,

sam
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Unread 05-19-2017, 05:39 PM   #383
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well you write beautifully, some things you describe sound like depression. Me as the prissy hippy would always try and look ok, so I'm concerned for that part of caring for yourself. You can always call and just talk to someone on the phone, like your help line and it might ease you. Big hugs, lot of them!
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