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Unread 03-25-2012, 06:41 PM   #951
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Hi Deanna, happy to hear Canen's still doing well, 3 months is great! I'm also happy that you're feeling a little less anxiety.

I like your no plan plan - especially the being chill about it part. daSwan has a lot of sage input for you. He was more anxious about tapering than a lot of people and he did it! I like what he said that 'KNOW you will get there because you will!' Perfect. You could also frame it different which could help psychologically - you want to taper off to get a baseline on where your pain is without medication. Always with the option to go to a low dose to manage it.

We've had crazy warm weather here too. I'm afraid all the stuff will die if we get 'real' March/beginning of April weather.

Have a good week Deanna!

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Unread 03-27-2012, 10:37 AM   #952
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Hey sista! Very cool that Canen is focused now. Sooooo frickin' happy that you're having anxiety attacks any more. Definitely, you ARE getting better. 3 months is huge for Canen, congrats.

As I always say, the less you think about it, the less you think about it. Just do what you can. If you don't want to just drop .5, ease into it by going 2mg one day and 1.5 the next and then just go to 1.5 because it'll get to be a pain in the ass remembering what day you took what. LOL When you get to 0 and the pain sucks, then you might be able to use that patch then because you'll be off not at a higher dose.

I'm gonna start some seeds inside this weekend. Throwing in a bunch of annuals in case everything dies because it's 31 here now. This is nuts. Like it was 80 last week and now under freezing. Let me know what you decide to plant. Think about the salsa garden - jalapenos, peppers, tomatoes and cilantro. I don't bother planting onions.

Have a good week sista! Big beam hugs! xoxo -Mary
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Unread 03-30-2012, 09:36 AM   #953
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Hello friends! I am liking that idea mary....thats kinda what I did before when I was doing better at the tapering. Last summer I remember before Canen relapsed the first time. thats what Im going to do again, because I never noticed feeling any different.
The salsa garden is a great idea! We had the same weather here, last week 80, and this week 40-50. It was a shocker at work, one day wearing a tshirt, the next week back to the thermals. I hate that. This guy at work is going to get me some asparagus, he said it grows like crazy. And I want to do tomatoes of course, maye cucumbers, jalepenos,....the salsa garden!
My hand is going numb already from typing...I have that stupid carpal tunnel I think. From welding all the time I guess. Im gonna read some posts and see you all tomorrow.
Thanks for stopping by Swan
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Unread 03-30-2012, 03:00 PM   #954
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Wow 80 degrees oh that must have been nice. I can smell the fresh cut grass! To bad ours is under several feet of snow, and seems like a dream. Salsa Garden yummy! I have a great salsa recipe from a true mexican. He grows everything in the green house, the only thing he buys is the limes, that he calls lemons. He serves it on warm tortilla's and marinated steak cooked on the beach...it is so good.

I also have carpal tunnel and actually had surgery scheduled several years ago. I couldn't get out to go have it because of the fog. I never rescheduled and sure wish I would have. I have a huge lump on my wrist, and do so much typing at work, it really gets in the way. When I planned the surgery, it wasn't about the pain then, it was about milking all the pills I could get from it!

Glad to hear Canen is doing well and your anxiety is decreasing, that anxiety stuff is scary....I can't think of anything worse, because it reminds me of withdrawl.

Enjoy your garden, I won't be planting mine until June!

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Unread 03-31-2012, 04:38 AM   #955
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deanna View Post
Well guys, here I am at 2mg after 15 1/2 months of addiction remission. My cheerleader (Cally) thought I could start my own thread about tapering, so here I am. I started suboxone September 16, 2008 on 32mg, and 2 weeks later went to 24mg, and then have been slowly going down ever since. I have studied alot about suboxone, and Ive learned most all of it from this board, which has been one of the biggest tools in my recovery.
Ive read Sub-zeros posts and threads, Mary's too, and they both have been a big inspiration to me. I never imagined I'd have my own thread about being at the end of the medication phase of treatment......but here I am. So, here's to the New Year, and maybe (ah, heck, it WILL be!) the year I become medication free. Cheers! Deanna
Hi Deanna & congrats on your success! I've realized it takes time more than anything to quit subs entirely. I've given up blow & cigarettes when I was in my 20's & 30's cold turkey, but pills are different. I get nervous, almost a panic attack if I don't have a sub handy. I know there are peaks & valleys to weaning. I realize one must suffer through some withdrawals, to get to the point of quitting. Subs help that process go smoothly but it takes time.
I've quit cold turkey with some things but no way subs aren't a part of my life for awhile. I have no desire to take pills again, nor do I want any daily routine other than a vitamin now & then. I guess my question for you is, is there a secret to your success? I know you envision the day you've quit for good, & I'm hoping you can impart some wisdom. I've heard it's physcological but I envision my own success finally be free of all medicine. I just think it does take an investment of time & there is no fighting that. You've probably made substantial success since this. Thanks, & take care! Dannychek
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Unread 03-31-2012, 09:48 AM   #956
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Hi Dannychek, wow, that brought back memories, reading the very first post from this thread. I have been taking suboxone for over three years now. And Im still at 2mg or some days 1mg. I have had a lot of tragic circumstances in my family since then, and have never been able to taper furthur than that. To make a long story short, all the stuff started in 2010. My dad had triple bypass surgery, 2 months later my younger brother died from alcholism, 2 days after that I had neck fusion surgery, and then a month later I found my son smoking heroin in his bedroom. since then he has been in the hospital twice, and overdosed once where they had to narcan him so he wouldnt die.
Anyways, I just take my suboxone like a vitamin. I really dont think about it alot anymore because i have been in recovery so long. I am definately dependent on it, but absolutely not addicted, there is a big difference between the two.
Welcome to Addiction survivors!

vhappy good to hear from you!
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Unread 03-31-2012, 11:25 AM   #957
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Love your post D. Youre a strong woman

Keep on your course. Let us know how youre doing?

I heard something about a salsa recipe?

Share please?
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Unread 04-01-2012, 08:32 AM   #958
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hi twin mom, ohhh no, I dont have any recipes. Was talking with my friend Mary about growing a garden. She grows lots of stuff every year, and we were talking about that.

How long have you been in recovery? I dont recognize your name....welcome!
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Unread 04-01-2012, 09:47 AM   #959
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Hi Deanna,

I've been in recovery a little over 6 months. All rx meds. Benzos, OC, Fentanyl, Ambien. U name it. I was treated through am addictionologist coupled with counseling and Suboxone, just discontinued taking it about 6 weeks ago. Stopped Zoloft about 3 months ago too due to my twin pregnancy, 17 weeks now My taper was steady. Rx 16mg first month and decreased by 2-4mg each month. I jumped from 2mg day and mildly struggled for about 2 weeks. Very mild symptoms til 30 days off. Much better now...

I initially read your taper weeks ago to give myself an idea of what to expect. I think its great you're doing so well and pray you continue to do well in your recovery

Please let us know how you and the family are doing It gives me hope hearing your success story!

Be Well
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Unread 04-06-2012, 08:09 AM   #960
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congratulations on being meducation free! And in only 6 months! I could never have done that personally, so good for you! I was taking OC and any other pain pills I could get for about 8 yrs when I started recovery. Its been a long journey to get to where I am today. I had neck fusion last year, and didnt use narcotics because I was scared Id start the cycle again. Congratulations on your twins, a boy and a girl? Have a great day!
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Unread 04-07-2012, 07:07 AM   #961
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Hi Deanna, how's it going? How's the carpal tunnel? Did Canen ever get the apprenticeship letter? Just wanted to check in and say hi and happy Easter to you and your family.

Nancy
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Unread 04-07-2012, 07:39 AM   #962
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Hi Nancy! YES!!!! He got the letter, and is taking the aptitude test next Saturday! I have been talking to any pipefitters I see on the job to put his "name in the hat" as they say for a reference, so hopefully things will all pan out.
My hand is the same, I know its from all the welding I do. I wake up every night with it numb, its just something Im getting used to. Im not having surgery on it or anything.
As you can see, my spirits are lifted because things are going great, and he is doing well. I still have issues during the day where I start thinking bad thoughts, but then I text him and he talks to me and I can tell hes fine and then Im ok Night time too, but he is always out with us in the living room watching TV and talking, visiting so I know nothing is going to happen.
Thankyou for wishing me a Happy Easter, and same to you!
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Unread 04-07-2012, 08:17 AM   #963
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just wanted to say how happy i am for you!
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Unread 04-08-2012, 08:37 AM   #964
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Hi Deanna! YAY! I'm going to keep my fingers crossed for Canen and the test! Hopefully it will all work out and having the extra references will help, especially where it seems like it's a 'who you know' type thing.

I'm really happy that he's doing so well because it means you're doing well.

Are you wearing a brace at night when you sleep? My dad was having the same type of problem and his doctor told him to wear a brace (like you can get at Walmart or a pharmacy) and it worked really well for him. Took him a little bit to get used to it, but it was worth it. Might be something to try? I don't blame you for not getting operated on for it. I know a couple of people who did and wish they hadn't.

In any event, have a great day and a great week!

Nancy
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Unread 04-08-2012, 08:52 AM   #965
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thanks B!!
Yea, Nancy, I was thinking of getting one of those braces. Its so annoying waking up all the time in the middle of the night. I will have to check it out.
Have a great Easter everyone!
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Unread 04-10-2012, 12:48 PM   #966
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Hey sista d and vhappty, that really sucks about the carpal tunnel. I'm with Nancy on not getting it operated on too. I know a few people whose wrists were more messed up after it. Both of you try the brace at night see if that helps first.

Very cool you're gonna get some asparagus. I've never grown that, you'll have to let me know how that goes. The thing about the salsa garden is that it can be the spaghetti sauce garden too. Or I guess salads. LOL I started some seeds last weekend in those jiffy greenhouse things. A bunch of flowers and then I'm trying cantaloupe. Along with green beans and cucumbers. If they don't work, I'll just buy them already started. Oh well. I had to try. The flowers usually work pretty well and then I don't have to buy a bunch of annuals.

How very cool that Canen is still going strong. So his test is this Saturday? I'll send a bunch of positive energy beams to him. That would be great if he could get in there. It's like a missing piece - a job - that'll be good for him to have. But if he doesn't get in, it sounds like it's pretty political who you know, so he shouldn't feel bad.

How's things with your hubby. I'm hoping better because Canen's doing ok.

My friends are doing ok. The house is still on the market. I just hope it sells soon, but we know the reality of that in this market. Just sucks bad.

Annnnnnnyways wanted to say hey and see what's up.

Big beam hugs xoxo -Mary
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Unread 04-13-2012, 08:25 AM   #967
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Hey Mary! So good to hear from you! We ended up planting beans, tomatoes, carrots, cucumbers, peas, and jalepenos in one of those things you have, and they already started sprouting! Im excited! well, actually the beans, cucumbers, and peas did, not the rest yet. We keep it covered outside all day and then bring it in at night. I bought one of those venus flytrap plants too....they are so cool! We fed it a fly, it closed right up on it, lol. Its pretty cool.
I was thinking about your friends the other day and how they are doing. I am so lucky. I hope they continue to heal, and things get easier for them. Its gotta be so hard, still. I still see the vision in my head of that night, so I know your friend is stil seeing the same. I hoope the house sells, but then I wonder if after they sell it they wish they wouldnt have because they cant go in his room anymore....idk. horrible.
Thanks for the beams for my son for tomorrow! Yes, he definately needs a job! He has a part time gig setting up those big air bouncy things that the kids play in at festivals and parties, he will be working 3 days a week in May with that and they pay him 100 bucks for each time he does the set up and tear down, so he likes that....but he will be 19 in June and I told him the union trades is the way to go, sooooo....hopefully he passes the apptitude and goes for the next step. the interview. Its just gotta happen, you know! Something GOOD.
Hubby is ok, still works all the freaking time. Seven days a week usually. We dont talk a whole lot, or anything else for that matter lol, but we are getting through it all. We will make it.
I think next week the job Im on will be wrapped up, and I will get laid off, so Ill probably be visiting more here. Thanks for stopping by Mary, I always smile when I see your name
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Unread 04-13-2012, 01:14 PM   #968
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Hi Deanna, sending good thoughts out to Canen for his test tomorrow. How soon will he know anything?

Sorry to hear that your job is ending. Is there anything on the horizon? Might be night to have a little break though and give your hand a rest.

Fingers crossed!

Nancy
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Unread 04-14-2012, 08:56 AM   #969
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Thanks Nancy! It will probably be a couple weeks before he gets the results, Im not really sure how that works. The job thing sounds promising when this one is over, we have a lot of work around here. Hopefully Ill find another spot soon to work at.And I got one of those braces and wore it last night, and I didnt wake up once with it numb and hurting. That thing rocks! I actually didnt even have to buy it, I remembered my husband had one from years ago, and it was in the closet still. I dont how it works, but it does and I am a happy camper this morning.
Tomorrow is my hubbys bday, he of course has to work, but we will have a nice dinner or something.
I havent done a thing with tapering lower. I did for like 4 days, and then my neck was killing me at work, and I took more the next day. I have been taking mobic everyday too that the doctor gave me. Ohh well. Like you said to B, it doesnt matter whether you are in remission with or without medication, it just matters that you are living addiction free.
Also, I wanted to tell you that my son and I went to lunch and he told me that his one "friend"" that he was using with is in a rehab in New York for a year. He said he was happy he heard that he was ok, and he told me he used to be a champion wrestler in high school, and he got started on pills and then it escalated to heroin. He said "life is too short to waste it on drugs" and that made me really happy. I asked him if he ever gets asked by anyone to get him the stuff and he said no, and that he would never be around it again. He is taking his suboxone religiously, seeing his doctor every 3 weeks, and is still working out with his friend in recovery, and they talk alot about it. He is really making a difference this time. I think the overdose made all the difference in the world, showed him how dangerous it is. He is just so young, his life was spared so he could do great things someday. He has really matured since the whole incidence. On the 16th it will be 4 months.
Well, anyways, thanks for always being there and checking on me Nancy.
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Unread 04-15-2012, 06:59 AM   #970
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Hi Deanna, how did Canen think he did yesterday?

Happy birthday to hubby! Sorry he's working though.

That's great that there's a lot of work happening around you. Much better than last year when you had to wait sooo long for something to come up. Wow! I'm glad the brace works! You're right, who cares why, just as long as it does.

Maybe you should re-adjust your thinking with your taper. You've tried and it's physically painful because of your neck. So keep using it for pain control and don't even think about tapering. The bupe controls your pain, therefore giving you a better quality of life. If you didn't have all that pain, you'd probably be tapering easily now, right? But like da swan and OMike, this might be something you need more for pain control than addiction treatment at this point in time. So unless you find a different way to control your pain, I don't think tapering should be on your list of things to think about. Make sense?

It really sounds like Canen has a totally different attitude now. Maybe the overdose did teach him that he's not bulletproof and he's very lucky you were there to save his life. It seems to have all come together for him now. Hearing that he said life is to short to waste it on drugs made me smile big. That's great - 4 months tomorrow for him. Give him a big hug for me. I hope that made you feel a little more at ease, I know you'll still worry, but maybe a little less now?

Have a great day!!

(((hugs)))

Nancy
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Unread 04-15-2012, 10:19 AM   #971
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HI Nancy, Holy crap, I wrote the wrong date on the calendar for the test!! what an idiot! it was on Thursday! he has to call monday to HOPEFULLY reschedule the test date. I pulled out the paper he got in the mail when he was at the gym, and there it was, highlighted in yellow marker, thursday the 12th. And then I go and write on our calender the 14th. he was disapointed, I sure hope they let him reschedule. Not a good way to start out, but hopefully they will understand.
I totally get what you are saying about me and the taper thing. My doctor has said the exact same as you, that I pretty much take suboxone for pain control now rather than opioid addiction. I do get relief from it along with taking the meloxicam (mobic) so for now, it is what it is. The main part I dont like is having to go to the doctors, although he lets me go every other month now for quite some time. And I guess Id just like to see what things wouold be like without medication, I dont know why...taking the medicine really doesnt change anything about me personally. All I know is it helped save my life and I will forever be grateful for that. And it is saving my son for sure. My husband is still on suboxone too, I havent mentioned that in a long time. He is staying at the same dose also. He was pretty traumatized by my sons OD and has had lots of anxiety issues too like we talked about. And speaking of him, he took the day off today after all, but of course hes out in the shed working on a project for his job....he cant help himself! lol.
In June Canen will be in a powerlifting tournament in Columbus, its an IPA tournament where he has the possibility of breaking the record in his weight class. I oughta get ahold of OMike and tell him since he's close by there. Wouldnt that be cool to meet each other, and he could watch him break the record in the squat There will be scouts there, and although powerlifting isnt a paid sport when you go pro, they do buy all your equipment and supplements, etc . So hes looking forward to that possibilty. Right now he weighs 165 and he squatted 600lbs. Its incredible for his age. I sure hope he doesnt want to try steroids someday. My broter used those and they are bad news. They can be addicting too. Always something to worry about, ya know?

Well, it was nice to talk to you for a while Nancy! I miss that, its been a while. I will always appreciate you more than you know
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Unread 04-16-2012, 10:07 AM   #972
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Hi Deanna, yikes!! I hope he can reschedule the date. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

I understand why you'd want to see where you are without taking anything. Maybe it would be easier if you didn't have such a demanding job, I'm sure that takes a toll on your neck. Maybe your doctor can let you see him less. He can write a script with 5 refills, and I would think he'd know you well enough by now that if you needed to see him, you would make an appointment. Do you think it's worth asking?

Did your husband take any time off from working yesterday? If he feels better not reducing or stopping right now, then he's probably better off staying put.

That's great that Canen is in another tournament. How cool would that be if he got sponsored! I still can't believe how much he lifts! I hope he doesn't even think about steroids. My lord, look how far he's gotten without them! Hopefully he'll keep proving a point that steroids aren't necessary.

Always nice talking with you too Deanna.

(((hugs)))

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Unread 04-26-2012, 08:31 AM   #973
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Hi Deanna, just checking in to see how things are going for you. I'm very curious to know if Canen could reschedule his test and if you found another job yet.

(((hugs)))

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Unread 04-27-2012, 08:21 AM   #974
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Hi Nancy, yes, Im going back to work on Monday to the same place to finish welding. It will be for a week or two. And as far as Canen goes, he has to reapply and wait to take the test sometime in 2013. He got a letter stating that. So, it totally sucks. He is just working a part time job (a day or two a week) and Im really stressing to him how he needs to get out there and work more. I even talked to him about becoming a personal trainer since he is so into working out and helping others kids at the gym but he is just so unmotivated to get out and make money.He never even looks for a job. I dont know why, because I have always showed him you have to work to get what you want. I ask him if hes scared to get out there, and he says no so I really dont know why he is so lazy about it. My husband is getting mad, we have been arguing. He says canen cant sit around here all day and night....and thats true, but I dont know what more I can say. I feel trapped, because Im just so happy he isnt using, and I dont want to get him all upset, but he is gonna be 19 in June, and by now he should be having some sort of plan. I cant say "get a job or Im kicking you out" because thats not gonna happen. The only way he will get kicked out is if he goes back to drugs.
Well, anyways, this is getting long, an I could ramble on about it forever so I will just leave it at that. Hopefully soon he will get more motivated. Pretty soon he will be off my insurance for good when he turns 19, and hes already got 15,000 of medical bills in his name that my insurance wont pay for because of the OD so hes not starting out on the right foot in the credit world. Oh, boy, life.....
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Unread 04-28-2012, 07:11 AM   #975
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Hi Deanna, glad you have some work coming up. Oh that really sucks about Canen having to reapply for the test. Do you think Canen might kind of be waiting to see what happens at the tournament in June to see if he gets sponsored or something like that? Do you at least leave him a list of chores to do around the house? How about charging him rent - maybe that will be an incentive for him to look (you can always put it away for him and his bills but don't tell him). Or if he's not going to get work, then he needs to volunteer his time somewhere, then maybe he'd rather get paid to do something than have to work for free? If he's not going to be on your insurance after June, he'l need more money to pay for his doctor's appointment and medication - has he thought about that? I don't know, I'm just throwing things out there that might be an incentive...

Speaking of insurance, were you able to contest the charges with your insurance company like OMike talked about?

I don't like that you and your husband are arguing over this. I hope he gets motivated and soon.

(((hugs)))

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Unread 04-28-2012, 08:55 AM   #976
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yes, I think he is waiting until after the tournament. He really acts like he is interested in all things regarding fitness. He even started training my brothers son, his cousin. We havent seen him since my brother died, so its really cool that canen is training him. I showed him a website that he could get his personal trainer certificate from, so maybe he will do it. I just cant be the one to start everything for him, he has to have the drive to do it. If the kid has the drive to put 600lbs on his back then he should have the ability to do this too! lol! And yes, he helps do things around the house, he cuts the grass, takes out garbage, all that stuff. He pays for his own car insurance, and he got his own cell phone, so I dont pay that anymore. I cant charge him rent, I just cant. Seems to weird to me, lots of people do it, but I just cant.
I have to still file an appeal with the insurance company, I havent done it yet, but he is getting stuff in the mail about filing applications for assistance from the hospital. I hope they end up just writing it off...that would be great. thats a lot of money. and after he turns 19, he will have to get on medicaid or something, beause with his part time job, he wont make enough to afford the doctor visit and medication. His doctor charges 150 every visit, which my insurance pays 100 of.
well, we will see how it goes. Im just gonna keep telling him how important this is. If all he wants to do is hang out in the gym...then make a career out of it! Right?
talk to you tomorrow, have a great day Nancy!
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Unread 04-28-2012, 09:58 AM   #977
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Hi deanna! Just wondered if you had looked into the community colleges around where you live? That might be an option for Canen to take some courses this summer. Even if he just took one thing it would be an activity for him. I know our community college offers lots of things in the trades fields and that might give him an edge when he is able to take the course next year. He could get certified through the community college. Just another thing for you to think about-----

I know you understand where your hubby is coming from and it does create a tough situation. I know you don't think it is ok for Canen to just be sitting around the house while you guys are both breaking your rear ends working. He has been out of school for one whole year now. It is harder for you because he is your son-but the relationship with your husband needs to be at the forefront now that your son is soon to be 19. Canen will eventually build his own life and then where will you be? You have got to think about yourself now a little bit more. All that you have gone through lately makes it harder, I know, but just think about it a little bit. You don't want to give up your marriage over this. It might be different if Canen was still a "kid" and you needed to take care of him-but he isn't a "kid" anymore. I have seen it happen where parents have sacrificed their marriage because of their adult children and then the "children" go off on their merry way and the mom is left all alone, no "kids" and no marriage. Not saying your in that situation now, but it is food for thought.

Do you think his dr would write him refills for the 6 months so he wouldn't have to go into the office as frequently once he loses his insurance? Be sure he fills out those forms the hospital sent him. As long as he cooperates and keeps in touch with the billing office something can be worked out. The worst thing is to not keep in touch with them. Check into the state's programs so that when he turns 19 he can get enrolled right away. It is quite a process to get enrolled so he shouldn't wait. I hope he does look into that personal trainer certificate as it would open more doors for him.

It is Saturday and I know you are busy cleaning house. Don't work too hard-take some time off to do something fun.

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Unread 04-29-2012, 07:54 AM   #978
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Hi Deanna, I hope he looks into the personal training. I think he could really start a new niche with that - training younger kids. That is pretty cool that he's training his cousin now. I was kind of thinking with charging him rent - even if it's not much - is that he would realize that he needs to be making more money, it would prepare him for the 'real' world where he'd have to budget, and you could also just put that rent away for him in savings. A couple of my friends did that when their kids were out of high school/college and just started working. Then when they went to be on their own, the money was a surprise to help them with things for their new place. Or with school loans, etc. It was more of a teaching tool/motivator than 'rent'. But I totally see not charging rent also.

Of course nan brought up a lot of good points. As usual.

It all comes back to you taking care of you best you can. Now, as nan said, do something fun today!

Nancy
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Unread 04-29-2012, 09:06 AM   #979
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Hi guys! yes, Nan, I have talked to him about the college, and he does seem interested, but its like he is a procrastinator. I honestly think hes hoping someone will sponsor him and he can go from there with his career. he seem slike he doesnt care near as much about the skilled trades as fitness, so I guess I will let him figure it out. And yes, Nan, you are totally right about him growing up and I should be focusing on my husband more, but I will tell you, my husband works 7 days a week, 10 hours a day, and when he gets home he is so tired, we dont even hardly talk. He is overworked, and always in a bad mood. Its just not how it used to be.
And his doctor would never ever write him refills for 6 months, and I wouldnt want it anways. He ODed only 4 months ago, and needs to see him at least every month for a while. Him going to the doctors every three weeks reminds him of why he is there. If he didnt have to go, he wouldnt keep learning new recovery tools. His doctor is a psychiatrist that specializes in substance abuse. He really has grown up since the OD, I am so pleased, I think he will come around. He sees alot of kids he graduated with getting jobs, and moving out and growing up, so hopefully he will do the same.
Well, today I am going to go to the gym, tomorrow back to work. Nothing fun to do really.
Nancy I know what you mean about the rent thing. I remember my husband did that with his daughter when she was 19. I totally understadn what you are saying. I guess Im just happy he is paying his car insurance and cell phone, lol. baby steps with this kid I guess! I just figure in 4 months he has gone from ODing on heroin to being a top contender to break a record at Nationals in June,,,that I gotta be thankful for that.
I just get really frustrated cause I want it all to work out for him. He is just so talented in everything he does...he has a bright future if he applies himself.
anyways, Im just the one on the back burner. Im by myself alot, and thats just how it is right now. My paretns come home from Florida for the summer on Thursday, so Im lookin gforward to seeing them
See ya all next week!
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Unread 04-29-2012, 10:44 AM   #980
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Yikes, deanna, 7 days a week, 10 hour days?? Does his job require that many hours? I would be grumpy too. I can see why you guys don't see much of each other. That is too bad.

Glad your folks are coming back from Florida. It will be good to have them around for awhile. Soon you will have your garden to work in too so that will help with the time issue.

Maybe the fitness field will be just the cup o' tea for Canen. Sounds like he is pretty engaged with helping others in their training. There could be a good career there for him with the proper certifications, etc.

Enjoy your time at the gym. Physical exercise always helps our mental state-work out the frustrations on those machines. ha ha

Have a good week and talk with you later.

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Unread 05-01-2012, 12:43 AM   #981
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Hey Deanna

Just stopping by to say hi! Glad you are still doing well. I am too just the same old health issues but I at least feel positive that between weight loss and hip replacement, I'll be free one day.

Glen
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Unread 05-03-2012, 05:21 AM   #982
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Hello Deana

I awoke in a lot of hip pain. The doctor says I need a replacement and sine my pain gets worse not better, I may have to agree. Weight loss is first for me but I am not sure I can avoid the surgery.

When it is still dark out and in pain, my fears tend to come out magnified. I suppose If I waited until daybreak, I'd not have to even ask but: I stumbled over a post you made about surgery. I am so scared because of past history of being dependent again, I like you decided to go without regular opioids.

So, could you fill me in a little detailed about how it went? Like did you take a "big" dose post OP? How did it go overall as far as the first days which should be the worse?

Ok like I said maybe in an hour or so I'll not be so stressed. (I hate when pain gets me up!)

God bless

Glen AKA Da'Swan
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Unread 05-05-2012, 03:13 PM   #983
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Hiya Glen. Nice to hear from you. I read your thread, and read about your hip. I dont always reply, but always read, lol. But since you asked...heres the dealio. I told my suboxone doctor about my surgery, and told him I wanted him to up my suboxone dose from 2mg to 4 so I could take it twice a day if I needed. He did that, and then I discussed it with the neurosurgeon, and also the anesthesiologist the day before when they called for the pre-op consult. I told them I was in reocvery for opioid addiction and in no way wanted to jepordize my recovery. If the pain was so bad I couldnt take it, I would go the narcotic route, but I really wanted to not take them. The anes. doc told me that I could take NUBAIN, which is made up like sub, that it wouldnt make me sick while still taking suboxone, but I just got toradol IV every 6 hrs, and the 4mg of suboxone and then they gave me ativan every 6 hrs too, and tylenol. I was only in the hospital for two days, they thought Id be in for 5, but Im in pretty could physical shape, so they say that helped. When I got home, I had a script for toradol pills, which I took for like 10 days I think. Honestly Glen, it wasnt that bad. We as addicts when in active addiction think EVERYTHINIG hurts, but when in recovery I think we are much more honest with ourselves, and are stronger. At least that was the case for me.
Somedays now when my neck hurts from work, I take mobic (meloxicam) and another 1mg of suboxone, and that works. I may be a low dose life time suboxone patient, I dont know. I have to go on May17th to see if the rest of my neck that wasnt fused has deteriorated worse and possibly get that fused as well. If thats the case, my career will be over, i wont be able to move my neck much at all.
So, anyways, I think your weight loss goals are a good start, it will make the surgery much easier to handle. I would imagine hip surgery is painful, but if you discuss with the doctor ahead of time and prepare yourself mentally, I think you can do it. The mind is very powerful. I had it my head for a month that I wasnt taking narcotics. I didnt want to even get a taste of that feeling again. It would just not be good, ya know? So, I did it, and I know you can too!!!

And hey Nan! My husband owns his own business, and he has no employess working fo rhim anymore to save money, so thats why he works all those hours, its a drag, but it is what it is I guess.
Hi Nancy!! I sa my parents and they are looking great. Going back to see them tomorrow again. Have a great weekend!
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Unread 05-06-2012, 06:59 AM   #984
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Hi Deanna! Glad to hear your parents look great. How are they doing? It must be nice to have them home so you can go visit.

Does your neck hurt alot? I sure hope it's not deteriorated any more. Sending good thoughts and keeping my fingers crossed.

Thought of you and Mary yesterday when I planted a salsa garden. It was funny, I was at Lowe's poking around the garden center; and there it was, a "Garden Salsa Hot Pepper"! I had to get it to add to the other pepper plants.
http://bonnieplants.com/products/veg...lsa-hot-pepper

How's your garden coming along?

Hope you have a great Sunday and a good visit with your parents!

Nancy
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Unread 05-06-2012, 08:41 AM   #985
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Hi Nancy! My mom and dad are doing good, we talk about my brother every time we talk, but boy are they strong people.
Yea, my neck hurts every day, especially with all the welding I do, putting my neck way back to look up, that sorta thing. Its more of an annoying pain, than a sharp pain. Im just getting old,, my hands, my neck, lol!!
OH, our vegetables are getting big!!!! We actually have little baby cauliflower now, and next weekend we are planting everything in the garden. Thats pretty cool, the garden salsa pepper, oh that sounds so good...fresh salsa. Do you put cilantro in it? I remember having some fresh stuff from a friend and there was a lot of cilantro in it and it was delicious. I bet you cant wait, like me, see it all grow. we ended up with a whole bunch of different veggies. beans, peas, corn, tomatoes, carrots, jalepenos, broccoli, cauliflower, cucumbers, kolirabi, strawberrries, and sunflowers!!
well, have a good day!! talk to you next weekend!
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Unread 05-12-2012, 07:26 AM   #986
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Hi Deanna! Good to hear your parents are doing well. It must be nice to have them back home.

I've got nothing on my veggie plants, but I only did plant them last week. You guys have a lot of different things growing, that will be pretty cool to see how they all develop and what you end up with. Especially the corn. I'm really curious to see how that grows. I saw some corn plants at the store, maybe I'll go get a couple out of curiosity and plant a corn field of 3 plants! I've never made before, so this year (if everything actually grows...) will be a first. But one thing I do do with cilantro is put some in spaghetti sauce. Gives it a different spin than just the regular herbs.

How's Canen doing? Keeping busy training for the tournament? I can't believe it's almost the middle of May already. Yikes.

Good luck at the doctor this week; fingers crossed you won't need another surgery.

I hope you have a great Mother's Day!

Nancy
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Unread 05-12-2012, 08:58 AM   #987
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Hey sista, or I should say mama! Happy Mother's Day to you early! Canen better appreciate all he's got in a very cool mom not only tomorrow, but every single damn day!

Holy crap, your garden is putting mine to shame. You've got a veritable vegetable soup going on there. Yes! Put cilantro in the salsa. vhappy, when you get back from your trip, can you give up the authentic recipe you have? Nancy, I'll have to check out Lowe's around here and see if they have that salsa pepper.

Very cool your parents are home. They really do sound like strong people. It's good that you talk about your brother, some people can't or won't, but I think it's the best thing. Keeps him with you always.

What's up with your appointment this week? Sending massive amounts of positive energy that everything is ok. Are you still working or did that gig end?

Things are going ok here. Trying to do as much work as I can while it's there. The economy sucks ass, but, hey, what can you do right? I've been practicing 'do you want fries with that' just in case it gets really bad. LOL Only kidding. I'm doing ok. I got some long time good clients that know that you gotta advertise to keep business coming in. Unlike some idiots who cut it and then wonder why they're losing business. Oh well. That's my economic synopsis for the day.

Any chance your husband taking a little time off so you guys and can spend some time together? I know what it's like having your own business, but you gotta take some time or else it just wears you down. With him physically too because of his work. Me, I just go nuts. Or nuttier? You decide.

Annnnyways. Wanted to say hey and happy mother's day to the coolest mom around.

Big beam hugs. xoxo -Mary
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Unread 05-13-2012, 09:11 AM   #988
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Hello Nancy!! hello Mary! Good to hear from you as always! Yesterday we planted half of the vegetables in the ground, the rest we will do next weekend. Trying to get the carrots and cucumbers to grow a bit more before indoors before we put them outside. Yes, we definately have the variety pack going on! It will be fun to watch everything grow. I took a picture yesterday, and then want to take one every couple weeks just to see the progress. Canen and I did it together yesterday, so it was fun to dig in the dirt, and talk, and have a good time together.
Yep, still working, but probably this week be completely done. Im glad your keeping busy, I know the economy sucks. I laughed when you said you practicing "do you want fries with that", lol. .I hear ya. Dont ya just wish we could wint he lottery? lol. Canens been working more hours at his job, and he is really happy. I know it makes him feel good. He also has been helping people at the gym with their workouts. Its like he finally gets it...ya gotta give back. He is finally seeing " life" I guess you could say. No more living in his room, he is out enjoying himself, staying away from the bad.....oh, which brings me to a bummer thing that happened. Remember the guy I told you that was in recovery that Canen worked out with and did things with all the time? Well, he relapsed on alcohol and cocaine. He texted Canen and said he was sorry, but he was in a bar drinking jack and coke cause he had a bad day...and he wanted to call himself out on it. Canen texted him back and said he was here for him, and he would help in any way he could. Few days later he got another text saying "hey Canen, know where I can get rid of some oxycontin? and it got worse from there. Canen is sad about it, he said he doent know how to help him. I told him to let him go, because he is too early in recovery to be trying to help someone else without getting triggers or something. I dont know how the guy is now, but damn, so sad, he had almost year in, and relapsed. Ya just never know.
Anyways, I go to the neuosurgeon on Friday. Been having lots of shoulder pain, hand pain and numbness, neck pain, blah blah, so Im going to ask him just how bad I need this other surgery to fix the c-1 and c-2 vertebrae. And if he says bad, I will then say well you better fill ou the diasbility paperwork for me being and ironworker, cause I wont be able to look up at all and do my job. well see how it goes.
No the husband never takes time off. I think he works all these hours on purpose sometimes. To not have to deal with life at home. I dont know. I just remember when we met, he always took the weekends off to be together, and ever since all the shit went down with canen, he just works works works....I tell him he is turning into a robot. I dont know, we will get through it, but its just not like it used to be.

Well, Im going to see my mom and dad today, they brought back the hugest scallops from Florida! I swear they are as big as a hockey puck, and Im gonna love it! Canen and I are going, along with my brothers son so it will be nice. I will get my mom a single red rose from my brother like I did last year, she loved it.

well, better get going. Nancy, yes, canen is getting ready for the tournament, his lifts are posted on youtube....possibly could get the world record in the IPA division for the squat and bench. WORLD RECORD! in his weight class. He is a true survivor, if anyone out there thinks coming back from addiction isnt possible, they are wrong.
He is at the gym right now, and he better come back home with a MOthers Day card, lol!!!!

see ya guys, have a great day. Hugs to you both!
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Unread 05-13-2012, 09:14 PM   #989
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Hi Deanna,
Happy Mothers Day! I think we deserve rewards for all the "mothering" we have done this year. Good for Canen, you must be so proud. I hope he gets that record, nothing like good self esteem for recovery! Every goal he meets, will make him stronger and see what he is truley capeable of. I am sorry about his friend, and your advice was spot on. It's dangerous in one way, because if you look up to someone, you might think well he relapsed, and look how strong he was But on the other hand if he continues on his path we know unfortunatly that his life will spiral out of control.

Sounds like the garden is going to be great. Here is my all time favorite secret salsa recipe. I guarentee it won't dissapoint!

Recipe:
8-12 roma tomatoes cubed in small peices
1 bunch radishes cubed
1 small white onion diced
1 large cucumber diced
green jalapeno peppers diced small to taste (mild-hot)
1 bunch cilantro chopped
4 limes
Hand chop all ingrediants (no food processor). squeeze all the lime juice over the top and add about 1 plus tablespoons of salt. cut the radishes and cucumbers in small cubes so they don't loose flavor. It also flavors better after sitting in a glass bowl 2 plus hours and is great with eggs the next day.


Your garden sounds like it's off to a great start.
This is my salsa recipe, and is truley the best salsa ever. I always grill beef or chicken in strips and serve it in tortilla's with the meat and salsa. It is actually best without the american version of cheese and sour cream, that way you really taste the salsa.

Recipe:

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Unread 05-13-2012, 09:41 PM   #990
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Sorry my post is a little jumbled, my computer is acting strange, and posted before I was ready. We returned from Hawaii last night. My husband had a great little Mothers days surprise, we went to Kauai for 3 days and the end of our trip. I loved Maui, because we woke up to sunshine every day. Because it is so sunny you don't get that lush tropical feel you get in Kauai. They both have much beauty for different reasons. So that was such a treat, the best of both worlds. We were there for 28 days and did it ever go fast. In the time I was gone, treatment finally had a place for my other son, who had signed up ages ago. Well he decided to go. I guess thinngs weren't as good as I had hoped. We informed the kids not to tell us anything while we were gone, so we could be as stress free as possible. The did a good job. We are having salsa tonight and bbq'd meat on tortilla's. My all time favorite dinner.

It quit snowing and the sun is out. It is very unusual to have snow that sticks this late. It still looks like a winterwonderland outside and it light uneil 11 p.m. Hawaii sun sets at 7p.m. year around. Before I left I packed the boots and parkas away in the downstairs closet. I thought I had seen the last of snow. I am fighting it. I turned the heat up and am wearing shorts and a tank. After not wearing clothes for a month it is really hard.

Just wanted to say Hi and check in on you. Hows your garden going Mary?

Take care and have a great Mother's Day!

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Unread 05-15-2012, 07:37 AM   #991
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Hi Deanna, that's great that you and Canen are working on the garden together.

That's so sad about his friend. I hope he'll be able to stop the spiral soon and get back into recovery. That was excellent advice for Canen about letting him go; he really is too early and I'm sure his friend knows that Canen is there to support him when he's ready to stop. One thing that was a good sign is that he wasn't tempted when the guy texted him about the Oxy. That just shows how far down his friend has spiraled and how hard Canen's working on his recovery. I hope he also learned something from his friend's relapse; that it doesn't matter how much time he has, he has to be vigilant.

Did Canen come home with a card??? How were the hockey pucks at your parents?

That would be so cool if Canen broke the World Record! What day is the tournament?

Good luck Friday, let us know what the doctor says when you get a chance after that. Keeping my fingers crossed for good news.

Nancy
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Unread 05-15-2012, 07:43 AM   #992
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Hi vhappy, thanks for the recipe! Sounds really good. Might have to buy the ingredients and try it since it will be a long time waiting for the ingredients from the plants.

I'm glad your son decided to go into treatment when the space opened up. How long will he be there? Hopefully it's just what he needs to help him. Your kids really did do a good job not telling you.

That was a nice Mother's day surprise! That vacation was just what you needed.

How is Miss Lilly?

Hopefully that was the last of the snow for you. Just a welcome home storm. lol

Nancy
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Unread 05-15-2012, 01:30 PM   #993
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Lilly's dad is the one who went to treatment. I was rather surprised, but a happy surprise. I promised support so am giving as much as I can. He can stay anywhere from 30-90 days. Same treatment place my daughter went. Today will be the first day he has phone privledges. (2 weeks). They did let him call from the office on Mothers day on speaker phone. He sounded very good. When he left he was angry and had been partying hard for a couple days before he left. His wife was in Anchorage with Lilly. Lilly is doing o.k. but the doctor said her liver is getting worse all the time. She has the liver of a 50 year alcoholic he said. My DIL got a call yesterday that they want her back in Seattle this month for some more test. DIL was crying and asked if I would go. It's not that she can't do it alone, it's just the liver biopsy and other test are really hard on Lilly and it's hard to watch her go through that.

I sent my son 2 boxes already and his wife has sent him a letter a day. The only thing I didn't like about the treatment place is they are very anti-suboxone and told my daughter if I was taking suboxone I was not welcome at "family day". I would be a little more outraged, but seeing the results my daughter had, I kinda just have to go with it. I actually would like to see my son acheive this without medication assistance just as my daughter did. But on the other hand if things don't work out, I would rather see anyone live addiction free over medication free!

I am not opposed or would judge anyone's method of treatment, as long as it works for them. (wish they had that attitude)

We had 6 inches of snow, most of it is gone. We have had sun the last 2 days. School gets out next friday, and we have our annual "king crab festival". The kids get out early here to either travel to fish camps for the summer or fish on the boat.

My other son is still gone, and almost done with the job. He has been talking about going to China to help his friend. Actually ran into some friends from home in Maui, and her friend went to help with his 2nd opening of another restraunt, and is doing very well making good money, and she says no drugs are involved. I would think to open a second restraunt, that she is correct, but you just never know, because I know for a fact when in active addiction we are good at keeping secrets...until they all catch up with us, and they always do!

I have a huge meeting most of the day. All the medicaid regs are changing in August, ans some of them are very scary and will greatly effect many. Time for me to get my 2 cents in, there is still time...Unfortunatly I am not very popular right now with my dark tan!

Sorry to high jack you thread Deanna. Will be thinking of you and Canen on the big day, keep us posted!

vhappy
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Unread 05-15-2012, 09:45 PM   #994
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Hi vhappy, oh, I was thinking it was your other son who went.

In any event, I'm glad Lilly's dad decided to go. He needs to be fully present with everything going with her and be a good support for his wife, especially now with another biopsy and more tests. Will you be able to go with your DIL? I feel so badly for Miss Lilly. She's in my thoughts.

It's too bad that the treatment center wouldn't be a little more open-minded about medication-assisted treatment. Everyone is so different, there should be options so that the person and utilize the method that works best for him/her. Your daughter did do so wonderfully; I hope the same results for your son. That's nice they let him call on Mother's Day and at least now you'll be able to talk with him without restrictions. I hope he really takes in everything he can gain from the program and be strong and focused when he comes home.

Oh boy, your other son is still talking about China. While it's encouraging that your friend said her friend said there weren't any drugs involved, but like you said, you just never know. Maybe he'll change his mind when he gets home.

That's good that the snow is almost gone. I hope you were able to get voice your opinion at the meeting today and no one took your tan out on you!

Please keep us posted on your son and Miss Lilly.

Nancy
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Unread 05-16-2012, 06:56 AM   #995
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my best friend of 17 years recently asked for my advice, her boyfriend is addicted to methamphetamine. I told her all i know about addiction, and told her to call me i am here for her, (and him) but i havent heard a word back...she also told me 9this was all thru email) that she had done it once or twice with him for energy to get things done around the house..I was shocked, i never thought she would do meth....im wondering why she isnt talking now....is she getting high more than she says?
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Unread 05-17-2012, 08:01 AM   #996
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDDhSImW1dQ
this isnt spam, this is really me singing
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Unread 05-20-2012, 06:40 AM   #997
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Hi Deanna, how did your appointment with the surgeon go? Let us know when you can.

Nancy
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Unread 05-20-2012, 08:35 AM   #998
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oh brother Nancy, it didnt go very good. the screw that started coming out has come out a lot more, and 2 of the discs arent fused anymore...which means I might have to have another surgery. I dont know how I went from having my neck totally fused, to not fused, I hope I didnt do it with all the ironworking. But,I am having a test called a myelgram this Friday, and after that he will tell me what I need to do. They put dye in your spinal cord and see how it flows to your brain. What a bummer. If I have to have another surgery, he will have to go through the back of my neck this time, and he said it is way more painful. So, thats the deal..
The tournament is on June 23rd. Its through the IPA (international powerlifting association)he is getting nervous....no wait....I AM getting nervous!lol Oh, and the scallops were great! we are going for a boat ride today! mom and dad put the boat in the water yesterday!
Hey B....you need to get on american idol!
Vhappy- no worries, I am glad to hear from you and everything thats going on.
Gotta go, busy day. Ill stop by this week and chat more since I wont be at work
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Unread 05-20-2012, 11:32 AM   #999
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Oh geez Deanna, not the news I was hoping to hear. Hopefully they can find out what is going on - especially why your discs unfused!

hahaha YOU are getting nervous and Canen's as cool as a cucumber? June 23rd will be here before we know it. I can't believe Memorial Day weekend is NEXT weekend.

Have a great time on the boat. I hope you're having the sunny and warm, not a cloud in the sky weather we're having here!

Sending positive thoughts for your test Friday.

Nancy
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Unread 05-24-2012, 08:33 AM   #1000
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well, tomorrow is test day, the myelogram. I hope I dont need surgery again, because this time, it will be through the back of my neck instead of the front and the neurosurgeon said its "way more painful". I think about the what ifs.....what if its really bad when I wake up from the surgery? I remember when I had the fusion how I was so glad I didnt need to use narcotics after, but for some reason, this time, Im really nervous. Oh, well, I will cross that bridge when I get there.
But, lately Ive been feeling like Im sick of taking suboxone. Its a weird feeling, like I feel like it makes me feel depressed or something. I remember how everyone says dont ever rush getting off, you will JUST KNOW when its time. Maybe this is the feeling Ive been waiting for? Idk, my mood goes up and down and pretty much I just wish I was done, and I wonder how things would be without it. Yes, it does help with my pain, I think, but would the meloxicam work just as well?
Last week I went to my doctors, he gave me a script for 3mg a day, which is the most hes given me in a long time, with a refill. He said he wants to list me as a pain patient, instead of addcition patient (most likely to let another patient in his practice due to the 100 patient limit).
We mostly talked about my neck and the upcoming test. The nurse said there were all kinds of people getting busted in there for "dirty drug screens" and they are finding more and more people coming in with someone else's pee in a condom or whatever to get suboxone.
ONe more reason I want to be done. So sick of going there every other month. Its been over 3 1/2 years, for Christs sake. Nothing ever is different, my doctor looks like hes not even paying attention half the time to what I say, just writes the script, says I should come back in a month...which then I say NO....you let me come very other month, remember? and thats it.
I remember I was doing much better in tapering off suboxone until my brother died, and then my son started using. I was totally focused on recovery. Now, I just am going through the motions of it. I have faced the fact that I cam never have a drink again, never have a drug again. Period. No big deal I guess, but sometimes I feel cheated that I am an addict. Other people can have a few beers and thats that. Me, no, Id have a few beers, and Id be hitting speed-dial getting an OC 80mg. or years ago, an 8 ball of coke. Anyways, Im getting off track. I guess what Im saying is after all this time in recovery I look back and realize how much of my life ha been f*ed up by drugs. My whole freaking life since Ive been 20 yrs old. First cocaine, then crack, then alcohol, then pills. Always something to numb myself. And here I am 46 years old, and on maintentence for opioid addiction.
Im just rambling today. I read a thread from Kellann, and it really got me thinking I guess. The question I am asking myself today is "are you taking suboxone still after 3 years because you truly need it? Or are you taking it because your a coward whos afraid to jump.
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