Thread: Hello everyone
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Unread 04-12-2015, 02:22 PM   #2510
Tryntryagain
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Posts: 3,249
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Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Alexis, i am so very happy to see you feeling more positive today. I know things have been challenging for you recently, like me. Here we can work through our problems and find ways forward. (Man United 2....Man City 1......2nd half!)

Dear Jenm.......oh my goodness.........for you to have dug so deep dear Jenm. For me to have been able to influence you to "give up your name"......i am beside myself. Now i know .......after these years......that my dear Jenm is infact.........."Ladies and Gentleman, i would like to introduce....JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj en!!!!!!!!!!".....

Seriously, i am a simple man, you made me laugh so.....thank you dear Jen. (May i also recognise your Sunday morning. I am so glad you are getting the love and understanding you want)

Thank you I Am Trying. Inspiration comes in many forms and in, oh, so many ways. I am a fellow that tens to complicate life somewhat, i know most if not all do, and i try to find ways of expressing those dialogues with oneself, and with life. I strive to find ways of making things more managable, more "reasonable" for me to engage with. If one wants that journey to have a positive outcome, i know a great deal of committment and self determination, not to mention self awareness, is required. I find popping those components together as hard as you, but as yet lack your strength. It is why i said earlier in a post that sharing me with those i have come to respect, admire and love, is very much the way forward for me.

I have watched your days tick by and grow into your sustained sobriety. I am at least experienced enough to know that although you make it sound so, you put a great deal of thought, commitment and belief into yourself. As everyone here, i try to learn from you, i am so lucky to have you on my side.

A bit of a "fidgety" day, but not bad at all. I am all on top of my chores and ready for the new week. My flat is looking quite, quite gorgeous. The light falling across my butterflys, and my dragonflys, simply devine. Manchester United are now 4-1 up!!, my bath is running, and i shall be having a potatoe sort of mushroomy cheese thing for my supper. (I could make it sound really posh, but that is what it is!...i need fatty things my brothers and sisters!) I am learning that playing my piano before i slip into my bed i feel i can equate to those that may take a book to bed, or a cup of coco, it is a way of relaxing oneself, so a quick burst of, ummm, Chopin, Bach, can be a "book" for me.

I love my golf. (What little i know about my Father is that is what he did. He designed golf courses all over the world and had a contract with Trust House Forte? and he designed courses for their hotels and whatnot). My Father was a successful sportman in his own right, although i never knew of this. The boarding school i went to just before 7, had its own golf course, i became really rather proficient. So of course The Masters comes to a conclusion tonight and i shall tuck myself in with my highland spring water, some sweeties, and rather than eat my sweeties they are, "i can do better than that missiles" at my TV screen. I mean on the 13th, who takes a 5 iron....dear dear!

I know, i know, the likes of Sam and I am Tring will say, "well Tryn.....they are there and you are in Blighty....."....Ah yes i say, but i am not sponsered you see. I have been trying to "sidle up" to R Lee and Saint, as i believe they can "pull a few financiaL strings"...oh yes. All i need is the air fare, a putter and 2 clubs. A driver, and a pitching wedge.....job done.

Honestly i didn't want it to come to this...but boys?.....>>> ?

I am only having a bit of fun.

In a way i feel vulnerable now, having said what i have. Alexis wrote me a very lovely post, although most here know my journey, what i said was nothing new. What i hope it was, was a new perspective. A realisation that i need to let this stuff go. Honestly, i have no idea how to do that, as when i look at my very skin, it feels it is totally within me, a part of me. For a decade i couldnt really bathe as we all expect. Now i have my home, i am obbessive about my bath. I try to clean away the horribleness that i dont want............

What the last 3 days has meant to me, with lets face it, the most extraordinary "chunks" of love, experience, understanding and motivation, meant i could not possibly not be human, and not hear you all. Your relentless support, your consistent love and nudging, arriving eventually at those home truths.

Like Alexis feels sometimes, i would normally feel hugely emabarassed, and yes of course i do, but i do not feel as if i have lost my dignity here.

I have totally taken your posts on board, especially 1 that Saint wrote me, it was at the point i did that truly made me realise, LISTEN to my heat, not head ....yes, i do love and trust you all.....and rather than eloquise how nice the f****** trees look, i should be sharing how i am feeling so i may help, and get help.

1 last thing before i jump in my bubbly bath,

I do not know if you meant this dear Jenm, but you wrote, "please try to calm yourselveS down". If you did, i hear you. Thank you. If you didn't, you will know what i mean.

If i am up to it tonight i would like to pop in at Lost Dog's, Millies and Micheals house to see how they are getting along.

I know i waffle. I know i write prepostrously "get to the point posts", yet i just know you all know that you are the only people i can do all this to. I will change that slowly, but it is a fact. Now i have so many i love, i do not simply want to say, "i have the same problem as you", i know that, you know that, but this family shows us all, our backgrounds, our journeys are so very different, but by sharing why, brings us all so much closer together.

I have found something in my life here that is summed up by a word i have never used in my life. I cherish all of you. That empowers me in my daily life far more than i have understood.

I am learning, i am growing. I will not wilt. I Am Tryings, Lost Dog and Millies posts can help me there.

Do you know how many strengths exist between us all? We could name ANY member here, and we all get so much from each other.

How lucky are we?

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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